Hey Baby
by bookdiva
Summary: Kensi comes home for a rather surprising reason! I started this as a one-shot for Home At Last, but it quickly morphed into something more! Please read and review!
1. The Surprise

_**AN: This just hit me, and I wrote it in less than an hour, so it's a little rough… But I just had to post it! This will, again, be a two-parter. Keep an open mind, and message me/review if you have ideas for part 2 (in Deeks's POV)… Read, review, and enjoy!**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>"So I was thinking…" Sabatino said, coming to sit beside her. Kensi looked up from absentmindedly playing with her MRE to see the CIA agent sliding in too close for comfort.<p>

In the two and a half months that Kensi had been stationed in Afghanistan, Sabatino had been an annoying familiar face. And sadly—since he was slightly preferable to Granger, and the rest of the team was super closed-off—he was the closest thing to a friend that she had here.

Today, however, Kensi was feeling slightly nauseous. Her back ached, and her stomach felt like it was going to come out her throat. She most definitely didn't feel like subtly avoiding his blatant advances.

"…you know," he continued when she didn't respond. "If we make it back to the states—"

"_When_ we make it back," Kensi corrected, shooting him a fierce glare.

_I will come back, Max_, she vowed again silently. She really couldn't consider any other option. She'd do her job, she'd return, and they'd…

_What? You'll _what_, exactly? Pick up where you left off? Where exactly _was_ that, again?_

She shook her head and turned her glare down to the slop that passed for food at the base.

"Okaaaaay, right," he pressed on, leaning away from her only slightly. "Well _when_ we get back to the states—to Los Angeles—we'll have to go get that drink."

_Okay, that's it! Can't this guy take a hint?_

"No thank you," she said through clenched teeth. It was taking every last ounce of her energy not to explode at the man.

"C'mon Kensi," he said, leaning his back against the table and catching her gaze. "It could be fun."

"_Fun?_" she repeated incredulously. She'd officially reached the end of her rope. "No, it would not be _fun_. Since you obviously cannot take a hint, I'll give it to you straight. I. Am. _Not_. Interested. Got it?"

"Okay, geeze," he said, standing up and backing away. He held his hands up in surrender. "I didn't realize I'd be risking my life, asking you out. That time of the month, or something?"

He clearly expected more of the homicidal rage she'd been displaying thus far, but his words made Kensi freeze.

_Time of the month… _she was staggered in realization. _I've… I've been here for over two months, and I haven't… Oh god… _

She felt all the blood drain from her face as the realization dawned and icy fear flowed immediately into her veins and throughout her body.

"Kensi, are you okay?" Sabatino's genuinely worried voice snapped her out of her shock.

Kensi looked up at him and, pulling on every bit of undercover training she'd ever received, she managed a curt, "I'm fine. Excuse me."

She somehow managed to walk at a semi-normal pace to her bunk where she carefully shut the door, climbed in her bed, and proceeded to freak out.

_This cannot be possible,_ she argued with herself. _It was only once! And before that it was…._

And that was where she stopped, because it had been months before he'd kissed her—before he'd been tortured—since she'd even been out on a date.

And then she realized that there was no way she was wrong. She'd missed two 'times of the month', and she was well on her way to missing a third—possibly already had, too. That had never happened to her before.

Before she consciously knew what she was doing, she'd pulled the SAT phone out and opened it. Her finger was hovering over the button to call Deeks before common sense overrode her wild emotions. She snapped the phone closed and squeezed her eyes shut.

She needed to process this rationally.

_Okay, Kens,_ she told herself. _One thing at a time. Am I… keeping him?_

She placed a hand over her still-flat stomach and smiled. She'd answered her own question in the question. Sure, she had no way of knowing, but when she closed her eyes, she could see her little boy: wild blonde hair and eyes as blue as his fathers, but mismatched like hers.

The image began to chase away the icy fear, and in its stead, she felt a warm feeling begin to spread throughout her body, starting underneath the hand that still rested on her abdomen. She felt an intense wave of love flood over her—like nothing she'd ever experienced before—and she knew she'd do whatever it took to protect this new life.

_What will Deeks say?_

The thought brought back some of the cold fear.

Unbidden, Kensi was assaulted by images—memories—and she let herself drown in them.

She saw him bouncing on the trampoline with a little girl from one of their cases.

_"I haven't heard her laugh like that in so long." _

_"Yeah, he has that effect on people."_

Then she pictured him in that ridiculous tennis outfit, dodging balls that the little boy from another case, Sean, was sending his way.

_"I wish his father would do things like that with him."_

Finally, she saw the conversation between Deeks and Ray that she wasn't supposed to witness.

_"I have a chance to be a dad. You know what that means to me."_

_"I do." _

She could still hear the conviction—and the longing—in his voice. It was exactly what she needed to chase away any residual fears.

She pulled out her phone and powered it up. Since she was convinced she'd be leaving soon, she was no longer as concerned about conserving the battery. She pulled up the picture of the team in the gym and again zoomed in on her and Deeks.

She focused on the way his eyes sparkled, and she smiled. Resting her hand over her abdomen, she turned out the lights and looked at her phone.

"Goodnight, Deeks," she whispered, closing her eyes. "Good night, baby Deeks."

* * *

><p>Kensi awoke five hours later to a near-silent alarm. For a moment, she stayed completely still, letting her realization from the night before come back to her. In the morning light, the realization was slightly more terrifying. Again, the cold fear played around the edges of her mind. But then she realized that he hand was still protectively over her stomach, and she smiled.<p>

Her dreams had been filled with images of blue eyes—both Deeks's eyes, and their baby boy's. The thought instantly caused her heart rate to even out and the fear to leave her mind.

She took out the SAT phone and dialed.

"I wasn't expecting to hear from you again so soon, Ms. Blye," Hetty answered. Kensi opened her mouth to reply, but no words came out.

"Ms. Blye?" Hetty repeated after a long moment.

"Yeah, I'm… I'm here Hetty," Kensi managed. She took a deep breath. "Do you remember what you said to me before you went to Romania?"

Hetty was silent for a long moment, and Kensi could tell that she'd taken her boss by surprise.

"You said that the true challenge in our lives is to know when to stop," Kensi said when Hetty stayed silent.

"I'm assuming, since you called me on an emergency secured line, that you have more on your mind than a trip down memory lane, Ms. Blye?" Hetty asked after another silent moment.

"Yeah, Hetty," Kensi said, steeling herself. "It's time for me to stop."

* * *

><p>Fourteen hours later, Kensi was on a military plane, flying over some ocean. She had a two-hour layover in London, then a direct commercial flight to LAX. She smiled, and as was becoming completely normal to her, placed a hand across her abdomen.<p>

"We're almost home, baby Deeks," she whispered to herself. Out the window, the city lights became visible. "Soon."

She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

Hetty had taken the news much better than she'd anticipated. In fact, unless she was going crazy—and Kensi had to acknowledge that, given the circumstances, it was a realistic possibility—it had sounded like Hetty was… _overjoyed_.

Kensi smiled at that thought and felt herself slip into a light sleep.

She awoke as the wheels touched the runway, and she stretched her legs out in front of her. When they'd taxied to the parking place, the plane's hatched opened and she disembarked. She couldn't wait to get inside.

Once inside the London International Airport, she quickly found her terminal. Looking at her watch, she realized that she had just a little under two hours before her flight departed, so she dropped her things off at the front desk—being a Federal Agent did have its perks—and headed off to the nearest drug store.

She didn't have any doubts that she was pregnant, but when she told Deeks, she wanted to have something physical to show him.

It took her a half hour to find a shop that carried pregnancy tests, and since they only had one brand, the decision was easy. She paid the cashier—who gave her a funny look—in cash, and headed to the nearest bathroom.

She went into the handicap stall in the corner of the—mercifully—empty ladies room, peed on the stick, and then sat in the opposite corner to wait the required ten minutes.

As she waited, she couldn't help but think of Deeks.

_I wonder what he's up to right now…_ she thought. It was early morning in LA. _Probably hitting the waves before work._

She smiled as she imagined him teaching their son to surf. She could see the way he'd patiently explain it, over and over, while still making it fun.

_He will be a great dad. _

She had absolutely no doubts about him. He'd built his life around being everything that his own father hadn't been. While she wasn't so confident in her own ability to be a mother, she did recognize that she already loved her son. And besides, with her partner to help her, she could do anything.

Her phone blared techno, signaling time to look at the test. It was silly—she knew the truth—but somehow, standing up and grabbing that test would make it all real.

She sat on the floor and listened to the whole song—all six minutes of it—before she slid the alarm off, got up, and peered at the plastic stick that would confirm the biggest news of her life.

Her breath caught in her throat at the (+) on the digital screen. A tear slipped unnoticed down her cheek as she hugged that little plastic stick close to her body.

She stood up and exited the ladies room feeling a renewed sense of determination. She swung into another little shop and asked the young boy behind the counter for a box. He'd looked at her strangely, then directed her to a small aisle of gift wrapping.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I just want a small box, plain. Like you ship things in."

Again, the boy looked at her like she was nuts, but he went into the back and came back out with exactly what she was looking for.

"Perfect!" she exclaimed. She tried to pay for it, but the boy waved her off. She left for her terminal with fifteen minutes to spare. She used the time to tape her package shut.

* * *

><p>The plane landed at LAX at 0300 hours on January 8, 2014. Three hours into Deeks's 35th birthday.<p>

_Perfect. _

Being a Federal Agent, she didn't bother with customs or security. Hetty had arranged all of that ahead of time. She simply grabbed her backpack and her box and headed to the taxi cab.

Forty-five minutes later she was standing outside her partner's door, trying to decide what to do. She raised her fist to knock, but decided to pull her SAT phone out instead. Touching the button, she connected to her partner's SAT phone and leaned against the door. She heard a sudden, shrill beeping coming from inside the apartment, and she couldn't help but smile.

_He turned the volume all the way up so he wouldn't miss my call,_ she realized. There was a slight thump from the other side of the door, and them Deeks's sleep-laden voice came over the static of the SAT phone.

"Kens? Is everything okay? Are you okay?" His voice was scratchy and deep from sleep, but he sounded fully attentive to whatever her answer was. Instead of just a verbal reply, she knocked.

"Everything is good, Deeks," she answered his concerned question. "I just need my partner to let me in."

"What?" Deeks asked, sounding really confused. "This again, Kens? I thought you understood. I did say what I meant, and I don't really know what else you—"

"No, Deeks," she interrupted him, chuckling softly. "I literally need you to let me in, or I'll kick down your door."

"You—what—I—huh?"

There were more shuffling noises, a quiet band, and then the door swung open. Suddenly her partner was standing in front of her, his wild blond curls even wilder than usual and his ocean-blue eyes sparkling with joy, surprise, disbelief…

Neither one spoke a word. He reached out his hand slowly, his eyes full of disbelief until his hand reached her cheek. Then his eyes flashed like a blue fire, and before she knew what was happening, she was in his arms, kissing him like her life depended on it.

"Happy birthday, Deeks," she whispered when they finally pulled apart.

He smiled and nuzzled her nose.

"So you remembered this year Fern?" he teased her, pulling her even closer, the box awkwardly squished between them. His eyes left hers for a brief second, then snapped back up. "What's this? Another box?"

"I finally realized, Deeks," she said breathlessly. "I didn't get it right the first time. And I'm sorry. But I swear, I got it right this time, Deeks. This is everything you've ever wanted. I got it _right_ this time."

* * *

><p><strong><em>TBC… :)<em>**


	2. Most in the World

The waves were wild and the water was cold, but Deeks pulled on his wet suit anyway and headed out to the surf. He rode the waves, effectively clearing his mind from a rather restless night.

He had adamantly refused to allow himself to go back to the place he'd been post-Siderov. He was sleeping close to five or six hours a night—sometimes less, but he was working on that—talking with Nate over Skype sometimes, and he even went out with the guys when they invited him along.

He knew that Kensi would be back, and if this was a test to see if their thing could work within their partnership, then he was damn well going to pass it. With flying colors.

He headed up to the beach showers around 7:30. As had become his routine in the past few months, he showered off quickly, pulled fresh clothes out of his go bag, and headed toward work. He took the long way, stoping at their favorite donut shop. He bought a dozen of her favorites automatically, without thinking.

_Well, I'll just set them out,_ he thought to himself when he realized what he'd done. _Sam and Callen can enjoy them. _

Even with taking the long way, LA traffic, and stopping for donuts, he arrived at the mission a little before 8:30. He sat the donuts on the counter in the middle of the mission and headed toward the Firing Range to shoot a few targets before burying himself in paperwork.

* * *

><p>A half hour later, he was walking toward his desk when he noticed something off. Hetty was sitting at her desk, completely visible, scowling at someone on the phone. Immediately, cold dread filled his veins.<p>

_Kensi,_ his stubborn brain screamed at him. _Something's wrong with Kensi. _

He started hesitantly toward Hetty's desk, and she looked up at the sound of him approaching. As she looked up at him, the scowl immediately fell from her face, replaced by the biggest smile he'd ever seen from Hetty.

He stopped in his tracks, head tilted to the side in confusion.

There was nothing secretive or deceiving about the look on Hetty's face. It was joy—pure, simple joy. She stopped speaking and set the phone down on it's cradle, effectively cutting off whoever she'd been speaking to, and grinned up at him.

"Good morning, Mr. Deeks," she said cheerily.

"Is it?" he asked hesitantly. After all, if Hetty was smiling at him like that, Kensi had to be okay.

"It is, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said, nodding sagely. She was back to her usual, mysterious persona. "Indeed it is."

"Does… does this have s-something to do… with, uh, with—" Deeks struggled to get the question out.

"I'm afraid her mission is still incomplete," Hetty said. "But let me assure you, all is well."

"Riiiiight…" Deeks said, drawing out the word. "Okay. That's… good? That's good. I'll just… go… over… yeah…" He turned on his heel and made his way to his desk, glancing over his shoulder periodically in confusion.

"Morning, Deeks," Callen said from his place at his desk.

"Hmm, yeah, mornin'," Deeks said, his attention still fixed on the place Hetty had been standing. Callen noticed his distraction.

"Everything okay?" he asked the detective. Deeks finally turned and looked at him, shaking off his worries.

"Yeah. I mean… yeah. Yeah, it's good. Hetty's just…" he trailed off, unsure of how to say it. When he noticed Callen's raised eyebrows, he just said, "She was _smiling_ at me."

He didn't have to say any more. Callen's eyes just flashed in understanding, and he shook his head.

"You're screwed."

Deeks snorted, but inside, he was grateful for the comic relief.

"Wow. Thank you for the support, oh wise team leader," he said sarcastically.

"What'd you do this time, Deeks?" Sam asked as he sat his bag down and leaned against his desk.

"Nothing!" Deeks protested. Both senior agents looked at him in disbelief. "Seriously, I haven't done anything yet today that could possibly get me into trouble!"

"Mmmhmmm…" Callen said, shaking his head and chuckling softly. "Yet."

"How long you been here, Deeks?" Sam asked in a serious tone.

Deeks shifted his weight back and forth uncomfortably, but replied in a steady tone, "I got in around 8:30. Figured I'd do a little target practice," he added to shift the topic. Sam didn't take the bait.

"Mmhmm, and what time did you get up this morning?" he asked.

"Five," Deeks replied. Sam raised his eyebrows. "Okay, 4:30, but I had to walk Monty, and I wanted to get in some good waves before I got to work."

"And you were still early," Sam said, shaking his head. "What did you do last night?"

_Oh, for the love of…_

_"_What is this, 20 questions for Deeks?" Deeks asked, trying to keep the genuine irritation out of his voice. With the experience of years of practice, he kept his tone light. "For your information, I went out last night."

_Okay, that's stretching it a little bit,_ he admitted to himself, but he held Sam's gaze steadily, refusing to let the senior agent see through his hastily thought up cover story.

"Yes, Mr. Deeks," Hetty appeared out of nowhere, interrupting the stare down between the two men. "I heard all about your _'night out'_, as you like to call it."

Deeks swallowed nervously and turned to Hetty. He sent her a look that he hoped conveyed his wish for her silence, but she continued, "I thought I was quite clear that you were not to take on any traffic duties for LAPD."

Sam gave him a concerned look, and Callen laughed.

"That was your _'night out'_ Deeks?" Callen asked incredulously. "Doing _traffic duty_?"

"Okay, first of all, I wasn't _'doing traffic duty'_, I was working undercover as a new traffic cop in order to discretely watch two beat cops who were also on patrol in the area." He turned to Hetty. "You never said anything about _undercover_ work for LAPD. And second, Hetty, how do you even know about that?"

"You're not the only one with friends on the force, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said, tilting her head. That mysterious, joyful smile was still on her face.

"Ha, no… yeah, I think _you_ might be the only one with friends on the force," Deeks said, attempting to lighten the mood. His three co-workers laughed, understanding Deeks's meaning. It was no secret that he was probably the least popular cop at the precinct.

Deeks sighed in relief, but the feeling didn't last long. Eric's whistle rang out in the mission.

"Case on deck," Eric called. All three men stood, but Hetty just stayed still, grinning at him. Deeks just nodded at her uncomfortably and followed the guys up to OPS.

"Okay, I thought you were exaggerating, but that was kinda creepy," Callen said as they climbed the stairs.

"Tell me about it," Deeks mumbled under his breath.

"You think it's Kensi?" Sam asked. "Maybe she's coming home."

Deeks fought back a blush at Sam's insinuation.

"Nah, already asked that," he shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. "Hetty said her mission was still incomplete."

"Oh," Sam said, looking down. Then he brightened. "So, any plans for your birthday tomorrow?"

Deeks bit back a groan, unconsciously speeding up his pace.

"Uh, yeah, I was, uh, thinking about carrying on the tradition from last year," he said, avoiding Sam's questioning gaze.

"What tradition?" he asked, sounding genuinely interested. Deeks sighed and turned to look at Sam, hoping his gaze could convey more than his words would.

"Forgetting it," he said simply. He forced a smirk, then walked through the sliding doors to OPS. "Whatcha got for us, Eric?"

* * *

><p>The day was finally over close to midnight. It was a rather cut-and-dry weapons deal, and after a simple undercover sting in a loud club, the team was packing up their things.<p>

"We're going out for drinks tomorrow night," Sam said, his tone daring anyone to argue with him. They were all tired, so they just nodded, Deeks a little less enthusiastically than the others.

They all headed their separate ways.

When Deeks reached his apartment, he let Monty out. He was so tired that he was out the second his head hit the pillow. He slept for three, blissful, dreamless hours before he was startled awake by an incessant beeping. A completely _welcomed_ incessant beeping.

He reached for the phone on his bedside table, but he was sleepy and misjudged the distance. He fell off the bed with a soft thud. He cursed under his breath, grabbed the phone.

"Kens? Is everything okay? Are you okay?" He couldn't keep the concern out of his voice. After all, it couldn't be a coincidence, Hetty's strange behavior and a call from Kensi on the same day…

He thought there was a knock at his door, but then he figured he was hearing things again and focused on her voice.

"Everything is good, Deeks," she answered his concerned question. "I just need my partner to let me in."

"What?" he asked, completely confused. _I thought she knew. I thought we were past this. _"This again, Kens? I thought you understood. I did say what I meant, and I don't really know what else you—"

"No, Deeks," she interrupted him, chuckling softly. He really didn't see the humor in the situation. "I literally need you to let me in, or I'll kick down your door."

"You—what—I—huh?" he struggled to comprehend her words as he pulled himself off the floor. He ran to the door, running into the coffee table on the way. He held back a curse and kept going.

He swung the door open, and there was his partner. She was standing in front of him, her SAT phone at her side, clutching a package in her other hand.

Neither one spoke a word.

_She's not really here,_ his mind screamed. _You're dreaming. She's a mirage. It can't be real..._

He reached out his hand slowly, his mind swimming with disbelief, until his hand reached her cheek. Then he couldn't take it anymore, and before he really knew what was happening, she was in his arms, the way it always should've been. He poured everything into the kiss.

"Happy birthday, Deeks," she whispered when they finally pulled apart.

He smiled and nuzzled her nose, reveling in the feel of her in his arms where she belonged.

"So you remembered this year Fern?" he teased her, pulling her even closer, the box awkwardly squished between them. His eyes wandered down to the object pressed between them. "What's this? Another box?"

_But I haven't opened the last box! _He smiled. _This box thing is kinda becoming a tradition. Maybe this is the tradition we should carry on._

"I finally realized, Deeks," she said breathlessly.

His brow furrowed in confusion.

"I didn't get it right the first time," she continued. "And I'm sorry. But I swear, I got it right this time, Deeks. This is everything you've ever wanted. I got it _right_ this time."

"No," he said shaking his head and cupping her face in his hands. "_You're_ everything I ever wanted. And you're here."

"Yeah, I'm here, so—" She smiled knowingly, and motioned to the box.

"Wait a second," he said, cutting her off. "Hetty said your mission was still incomplete. So… how are you here?"

"Are you complaining?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"No!" he reassured her quickly. "I just—I mean, what I meant was, uh…"

"I know what you meant, Deeks," she said, smiling nervously. "And if you'll let me in, I'll explain."

"Oh. _Oh_! Right… yeah, um, come in," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the apartment. He sat on the couch beside her and pulled her close. They were both silent for a long moment, reveling in just being together.

"I told you last year that I'd gotten you something you've always wanted. More than anything in the world," she said, breaking the silence and looking down at her hands which were clasped tightly in her lap. They kept twitching like she'd rather have them somewhere else.

"Yeah," he said nodding, not really seeing the correlation to the case. But, after four years with her, he'd learned to go with it. He was so glad to have her back with him, he would've sat there and listened to her talk about anything.

"Well, I was wrong. And I should've known I was wrong. This thing," she said, picking up the box and holding it to her, "is what you've wanted most in the world. At least, I… I _hope_ it is. Because I didn't realize until I had it that it's what I wanted most in the world, too."

He looked deep into her eyes, trying to decipher the deeper meaning her read in her words. She finally looked up and met his gaze.

"I—I need you to open it," she said, pushing the box into his hands. "Now."

He nodded, pulled her in for another kiss, then reluctantly pulled away and stood up. Fear flashed in her eyes.

"Where are you going?" she asked. standing up with him. He smiled.

"I'm just going to get the knife," he said, walking back to his bedroom. He reached under his pillow and pulled out the knife she'd given him before she'd left.

He walked back out and she smiled when she saw the knife in his hands.

"It kept you safe," she said, sounding relieved and amazed and something else that he couldn't put his finger on.

"No," he corrected with a smile. "I kept it safe."

"Touché," she said with a smile. For a long moment he just stared, lost in her mismatched chocolate eyes. "Oh, c'mon, Deeks! Open it!"

He chuckled and slid the knife along the seams, effectively removing the tape. He took a deep breath. While he had no idea what the box contained, he knew somewhere deep down that the contents would forever change his life. He pulled the flaps open and peered inside to see the most ridiculous amount of packing peanuts he'd ever seen.

He looked up at her incredulously.

"Packing peanuts?" he asked with a smirk. "No offense, Princess, but—"

"Just… just look," she said, not even cracking a smile. Her eyes were tight with

"Hey," he said, setting the box aside to pull her close. "Hey, it's okay. No matter what, I've got you, and you've got me. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

When he saw her small smile he realized that that had been the exact right thing to say. She nodded.

"Okay," she said in a small voice.

"Okay," he repeated, picking up the box again. He reached his hand into the sea of packing peanuts until his hand closed over a long, plastic object. His confusion lasted as long as it took for him to pull the object out of the box.

_A pregnancy test? A… pregnancy test. Oh my god, a pregnancy test! Is it… _He quickly flipped it over. There was a little plus sign on the digital screen, and suddenly his whole world stopped.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should say something, look at her, smile, breathe… SOMETHING! But he was absolutely frozen.

First, he felt a wave of disbelief.

_It was only once!_

Then he felt a wave of fear.

_I-I can't… I'm not… what if… I can't…_

And then he felt her hand on his shoulder. He tore his eyes away from the test in his hands and met her mismatched gaze. It was then that he felt the most overwhelming emotion of them all: joy. And it swept away every ounce of fear and disbelief.

As he met her anxious gaze, he felt a smile spread across his face. He carefully placed the test back in the box and set it on the table, never breaking their gaze until he pulled her into his arms.

"You got it right, Kens," he whispered. "You got it more than right."

He felt the tension leave her body as she relaxed against him. He just held her close, smiling as he remembered her words from earlier.

_"…I didn't realize until I had it that it's what I wanted most in the world, too."_

She was right. Now they had everything they'd ever wanted. More than anything in the world.


	3. Being Back

_**AN: Wow! Thank you for all the reviews! You guys seriously rock! I'm not sure how long this story will be, but I'll keep going as long as I have ideas! Thank you all so much for the positive feedback :) Here's the longest chapter yet!**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>She was dragged through the door by her overly enthusiastic partner, and unceremoniously plopped on the couch. She began to retort about his smooth moves when he settled in beside her, and as he pulled her close, she realized that there was nowhere else she'd rather be.<p>

For a long moment, they both stayed silent, but then her secret began to wear heavily on her. She just needed him to know.

"I told you last year that I'd gotten you something you've always wanted. More than anything in the world," she began, breaking the silence and looking down at her hands. She had them clasped tightly together to keep from seeking the new-found comfort of feeling her nonexistent baby bump.

"Yeah," he said nodding. She could tell that he didn't understand where she was going, but she was grateful that he knew her well enough to humor her. To her, it was just another sign that everything was going to be okay.

She pushed down a wave of irrational fear.

"Well, I was wrong. And I should've known I was wrong. This thing," she said, picking up the box and holding it to her, "is what you've wanted most in the world. At least, I… I _hope_ it is. Because I didn't realize until I had it that it's what I wanted most in the world, too."

The confession took surprisingly little effort on her part. She gazed back into his searching blue eyes, content to let herself drown in them. She pulled herself together, though, and pushed on.

_He still doesn't know. _

"I—I need you to open it," she said, pushing the box into his hands. "_Now_."

He nodded and pulled her in for another kiss. It chased the fears away again, leaving her excited for his reaction. Then he pulled away and stood up. Fear sliced back through her, sharp as a knife.

"Where are you going?" she asked, standing up with him. He just smiled at her and laid a hand on her arm reassuringly.

"I'm just going to get the knife," he said, walking back to his bedroom. She breathed a sigh of relief and sat down again. Left alone with her thoughts, the fear and doubt started to creep in again.

It vanished completely, however, when she saw the knife in his hands.

"It kept you safe," she said, relieved and amazed and again in awe of this wonderful man who she knew would be a wonderful father.

"No," he corrected her with a smile. "I kept it safe."

"Touché," she said, smiling back at him. For a long moment he just stared at her. She stared back, trying to be patient. Eventually, though, her excitement over his reaction became too much for her limited patience to bear. "Oh, c'mon, Deeks! Open it!"

He chuckled and slid the knife along the seams, effectively removing the tape. As he did so, she held her breath. This time, instead of fear, she just felt anxious. She was anxious to see his reaction, to get past the fear and self-doubt she knew he would face—that she herself had faced—to get to the joy she was now feeling. He pulled the flaps open and peered inside.

He looked up at her incredulously.

"Packing peanuts?" he asked with a smirk. "No offense, Princess, but—"

"Just… just look," she said, not even cracking a smile. She appreciated his attempt at humor, but she really needed him to look into the package—to _understand _and _know_.

She suddenly felt like crying, but she couldn't understand why. She'd made peace with the fear—he'd made it clear that he wanted her, more than anything in the world—so she had nothing rational to be upset about. It didn't matter, though. It wasn't rational, but she still felt it.

_Stupid hormones,_ she thought to herself as she pushed back the tears.

"Hey," he said, setting the box aside to pull her close. She gave in and let herself be held. "Hey, it's okay. No matter what, I've got you, and you've got me. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

_How does he do that? _she wondered. She couldn't help a small smile from finding it's way onto her face. _He always knows exactly what to say to me. Just like my dad did..._

"Okay," she said in a small voice, nodding to emphasize her point.

"Okay," he repeated, picking up the box again. He reached his hand into the sea of packing peanuts and she held her breath, waiting for realization to dawn on him.

She took in his confusion when his hand found the stick in the box. Then she saw the surprise in his eyes when he pulled it out and recognized it. She saw the shock when he flipped it over and saw the plus sign.

And she let it all play out, because she'd gone thought all those same emotions herself. But then she saw the self-doubt and fear reach his eyes, and she knew he was thinking about his father—about becoming like him—she couldn't stand for him to think that. Not even for a second.

She reached her hand out to his shoulder and he lifted his gaze to hers. She stared back at him, silently communicating all the things that needed to be said without ruining the moment with words.

_You will be an amazing father. I love you, and this baby will love you. You are not him. You are better and kinder and stronger and brighter. You are good. _

And finally, she saw the joy reach his eyes and a smile spread across his face. It was everything she'd been hoping for—even sooner than she had expected, but then he'd always been quicker than she was—and she let herself cautiously return his smile. He carefully placed the test back in the box and set it on the table, never breaking their gaze until he pulled her into his arms.

"You got it right, Kens," he whispered, stroking her hair back reverently. She shivered as she felt his breath on her neck. "You got it more than right."

His words erased any doubts and fears and tension she had left. She just breathed in his salty, fresh, ocean-like scent and let the tears escape silently—tears of relief, joy, excitement. In that moment, held tightly to his chest, she listened to his heart beating steadily. His hands stroked her hair, and he pulled back slightly to look into her eyes. She met his gaze, unable to hide her smile or her tears from him. She smiled when she saw the moisture shining in his eyes as well.

His hand reached out and pushed her shirt up, his fingers dancing across her stomach and sending tingles all the way up her spine. His eyes met hers, and they were filled with wonder. She placed her hand over his, intertwined their fingers, and lowered herself down onto the couch.

Again, no words were needed. He lowered his lips to hers, their hands still entwined together on her stomach, and they said all they needed to say in their own form of communication.

* * *

><p>The first thing she was aware of when she started to wake up was that she was happy. She felt safe in a way that she hadn't for almost three months. The second thing she became aware of, however, was an unpleasant ringing noise. A very loud, very unpleasant ringing noise.<p>

Her pillow shifted under her, wrapping his free arm around her to keep her from falling off. She looked up at him questioningly.

"Deeks," he answered, putting the phone on speaker so she could hear as well.

"Were you seriously still sleeping?" Callen's voice came through the phone. "I know it's your birthday, man, but unless you want this to be your last, I suggest you get in here as close to nine as you can. Or at least before Hetty notices."

Kensi moaned at the disturbance that Callen's voice created in her head, and buried her face deeper into Deeks's shoulder.

"What was that?" Callen asked, sounding suspicious. Deeks just chuckled.

"Nothing, man," he said, tightening his grip around Kensi's waist. His fingers unconsciously drawing patterns on her stomach. "I'll be in as soon as I can."

"Alright," G said, slowly.

"Don't forget about drinks tonight, Deeks," Sam called in the background.

Deeks groaned.

"Look, I—"

"Mr. Deeks was planning on coming in a little later than usual this morning," Hetty's voice stated clearly in the background. "Now, Mr. Callen, I believe you have some work to attend to…"

"Right, uh, yeah… We're working paperwork and cold cases unless we get a new case. I was just surprised when I got here and you weren't here already. I guess we'll see you when you get here, Deeks…" Callen said.

"And I do mean a _little_ late, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said sternly.

"Right. See you then," Deeks said, ending the call. His eyes immediately connected with hers.

"Hi," she said, smiling at him shyly. He smiled back at her, but his eyes dropped down to their intertwined hands, both resting atop her stomach.

"So… last night was real?" he asked, looking back up at her. Her breath caught in her throat at the open, almost vulnerable look in his clear blue eyes.

"Yeah, Deeks," she said softly. "It's real."

She gave him a minute to let it all sink in again. She couldn't help but remember the morning after she'd found out. She'd lain in bed for quite awhile, just wrapping her mind around the reality of it in the light of day, before she'd been able to call Hetty and do anything productive.

"So," she said after a very long, peaceful moment, when it looked like he'd processed as much as he could. "You've been beating _Callen_ into work?"

Deeks smirked absentmindedly, still drawing random patterns across her stomach.

"Only on the nights he actually goes home," he said. She let out a full laugh, so grateful to just hear his voice. He tore his eyes away from her abdomen at the sound.

"I missed you," she said, answering the unspoken question in his eyes. The look in his eyes was the same as when they'd stood behind that ambulance and she'd said _'Our thing.'_

He smiled back at her. "I missed you too."

He leaned in and captured her lips. She clung onto him, pouring her heart and soul into the kiss. After several minutes, she reluctantly pulled back. He made a noise of protest, and she chucked.

"You really do have to get to work, birthday boy," she said in a mischievous tone. "You heard Hetty. She said you could be a _little_ late. I don't think we're really in any position to be pushing the envelope."

* * *

><p>"So, I know I'm not allowed to ask…" Deeks began as he was driving them into work twenty minutes later. He clutched the steering wheel tightly, and his eyes darted from her to the road. Kensi just looked at him in confusion, motioning him to continue. "Well, if your mission is still incomplete…" he continued nervously. "I mean—"<p>

"It's not my mission anymore, Deeks," Kensi said, understanding. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Right," he said, nodding to himself. "Right. I mean, you couldn't. Even if they needed you to. Because… because you can't have a-a pregnant woman in a war zone, right?"

He looked over at her and grinned, obviously enjoying saying it aloud. She knew she should scold him—maybe slug his shoulder—but she couldn't bring herself to. His childlike amusement was exactly like what she pictured their son to look like.

"He's going to look just like you…" she murmured as they pulled into the parking lot of OSP. He turned to her in confusion.

"What?"

"Our son," she said, feeling the beginnings of a blush at the back of her neck. "He's going to look just like you."

He reached out and took her hands in his. The beaming smile on his face was completely genuine—there wasn't even a hint of teasing or sarcasm.

"We're having a boy?" he asked her, his tone filled with wonder and a little bit of disappointment. She wondered slightly at that.

_Does he want a girl?_

"Well, uh, I don't really… know for sure…" she said, blushing. "I mean, I haven't had an ultrasound or anything yet…" He nodded, his eyes filling with relief, and she understood his disappointment from her previous comment. He just didn't want to miss a thing.

"I didn't even realize I was pregnant until two days ago," she continued, wanting him to know everything she'd gone through. "When Sabatino was asking me out—"

"Wait a second," Deeks cut in. She paused and looked up at him. "_Sabatino_ was there? He was asking you out?"

She smiled at his completely adorable—if unnecessary—jealousy and nodded.

"I was feeling slightly nauseous, so I was a little crabbier than was perhaps necessary when I told him I wasn't interested." Deeks laughed, and she smiled at the sound. "I think I caught him off guard—he doesn't strike me as the type to take rejection well—and he made some off-hand comment about it being 'that time of the month'… and I guess it just… _clicked_. The next morning, after I'd processed everything, I called Hetty and arranged to come home."

He nodded, but the corners of his mouth tightened slightly. She wouldn't have noticed it if she hadn't been studying him intently. She waited patiently for him to speak what was obviously on his mind.

"Why… why didn't you call me?" he asked eventually.

_Ah,_ she thought. It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be.

"I was going to," she said, meeting his searching blue gaze. "I was freaking out in my bunk in the middle of the desert, and selfishly all I wanted was to talk to you. I even had my finger hovering over the button. It was my first reaction. But," she continued, "I also needed to process everything. I needed to understand." She smiled. "And I kinda wanted to witness your reaction in person, too."

He smiled again and nodded, obviously content with her answer.

"We have a lot to talk about," she said after another long pause. He nodded and smiled again.

"Looks like you got more than you bargained for when you promised to talk about our thing," he said. She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her at his teasing tone.

"And you got more than you bargained for when you promised you'd be patient with me," she teased him back. He chuckled and looked down, a slight blush adorning his cheeks.

"I'd do anything for you, Fern."

She reached across the console, tilted his face up to look at her, then brought their lips together softly. He responded, deepening the kiss until her entire body felt like it was made of jelly. She reluctantly pulled away and rested her forehead against his.

"So… how are we going to do this?" she asked. She didn't need to say more because he understood.

"Well, we're going out for drinks tonight," he said, smirking. She nodded, liking his plan. "Besides," he continued, "it's my birthday. They can't kill me on my birthday, right?"

"Sure Deeks," she said, obviously humoring him. He looked at her, slightly wide-eyed, and she couldn't help but reassure him. "Don't worry, partner. They'd have to get through me first."

* * *

><p>They reluctantly separated when they reached the doors to the mission. He had to get started on paperwork, and she needed to meet with Hetty and Assistant Director Granger for debriefing before she could see anyone else.<p>

"I don't wanna let you go," he mumbled into her hair. She wasn't sure if he meant for her to hear him or not.

"And I don't want to go," she said, pulling back to look into his eyes. "But the sooner I get this done, the sooner I'm free of it."

He nodded and, with one last lingering kiss, turned and strode into the bull pen. She stayed in the shadows for a moment, listening to the guys' greetings.

"Well hello Sleeping Beauty," Sam greeted Deeks cheerily. Deeks snorted.

"Hey, it was a late night!" he protested halfheartedly, but she could still hear the grin in his tone. She smiled and turned away to go to her debriefing only to find Hetty standing directly behind her.

"Hello, Ms. Blye," Hetty greeted her. She smiled down at Hetty. "I take it everything went… well?"

She blushed.

"Yes, Hetty," she said with a smile. "It went better than I even imagined it could."

* * *

><p>The debriefing—which was surprisingly brief—finally finished, and Kensi made her way to the bull pen, where Hetty had told her the guys were all working on paperwork. She was about to announce her presence when she over heard their conversation.<p>

"…doing last night?" Sam asked, sounding slightly concerned. "I mean, you haven't been late in a long while. You weren't pulling traffic duty again, were you? I don't care if it was an undercover operation," Sam continued as Deeks started to protest. "Hetty will literally kill you if you play that card again."

She chuckled at the thought of Deeks pulling traffic duty, and she felt relieved when she realized that, like herself, he'd thrown himself into work to deal with their separation.

When Deeks looked up and saw her standing just outside the bull pen, he smiled.

"Nah, Sam," he said, grinning at the senior agent. "I wasn't working last night. I was just busy."

"Yeah," Sam said, his head tiled in concerned confusion. "That's what I'm worried ab—"

"_KENSI_!" Nell's voice rang out through the mission. Kensi looked up to see that Nell had spotted her from the stairs. The pixie-like red head bounded down the stairs and pulled Kensi into a hug before Kensi had time to react. "You're back!"

Kensi nodded, and she saw Sam and Callen—both with shocked looks on their faces—make their way towards her. Deeks followed behind, giving her space to greet her friends.

"Yeah," she said, out of breath. "I'm back, but Nell, I can't breathe!"

"Oh!" Nell exclaimed, releasing Kensi. "Oh, right."

"Welcome back, Kens," Sam said, enveloping her in a hug.

"Thanks Sam," Kensi smiled when Sam released her.

"Welcome back, Kensi," Callen said, giving her a slightly awkward side hug.

"Wait a second," Sam said, turning to look over at Deeks in confusion. He'd obviously noticed that Deeks was the only one who hadn't come over to welcome her home. "You already knew she was back?"

Deeks just smiled. "Guilty."

"So it was Kensi who was moaning into the phone this morning!" Callen said, his eyes widening in understanding. Everyone's eyes flashed to him, and Kensi's face turned red. Callen seemed to realize what he'd said. "No, I mean—"

"Yeah, you're probably not going to be able to talk your way out of that one, wise team leader," Deeks smirked at Callen. Kensi just continued to glare at him.

"I was tired!" she exclaimed. "I didn't get in until around three. You woke me up. I have every right to be grumpy."

"Yes you do," Deeks agreed, meeting her eyes across the bull pen. This time there was no mistaking her blush. She heard and understood the deeper meaning behind his words.

Everyone looked like they had more they wanted to say, but Kensi cut them off.

"I heard we're all going out for drinks tonight," she said, smiling at her teammates. "Why don't we finish this conversation then?" They still looked reluctant to let the conversation drop, so she added, "Shouldn't we get back to work before Hetty comes back?"

"Yeah," Callen agreed, nodding his head. "We should all get some work done."

They all headed back to their desks, and Kensi began to reorganize—or as Deeks would probably tease, re-_dis_organize it. After a few minutes of content, comfortable silence between the team members, Sam finally spoke up.

"Well, at least this explains the creepy Hetty-smile," he said.

Deeks looked up and met her gaze across the bull pen, and she knew they were both thinking the same thing.

_You have no idea._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thanks for reading! Your reviews make the inspiration come sooner! :)<em>**


	4. Together

_**AN: Wow! You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for the reviews! I really wasn't expecting to be updating before Saturday, but your response was so great, this chapter just happened. **_

_**Here's a shout out to Bamie02 who has been editing these chapters! Sorry I forgot this in the last chapter, which she also helped with! She's kinda the bomb! Also, Moresassythanclassy gave me a few good ideas that will hopefully be coming in later chapters! **_

_**That said, reviews really do speed up the update process, guys! Thank you so much! Hope you enjoy this new chapter :)**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>Having her near him was great. Being surrounded by her scent—sunshine and gunpowder—was absolutely intoxicating. Having her in his arms again was heaven. But knowing that their future was growing inside her at that very instant… well that was <em>indescribable<em>. Even for a man of many words such as him. He smiled as he got out of the car, glad that they'd been able to effectively communicate.

_In both ways,_ he thought with a smirk as he remembered the heat and passion of their kisses.

When they reached the doors to the mission, he pulled her close to him, into a security camera blind spot—he wasn't _stupid_, after all.

"I don't wanna let you go," he mumbled into her hair, taking comfort in the way she clung to him. As if she didn't want to be separated again, either.

"And I don't want to go," she said, pulling back to look into his eyes, confirming his hopes. He was amazed at the depth of emotion he saw dancing around in her mismatched brown eyes—at this new, open Kensi. "But the sooner I get this done, the sooner I'm free of it."

He nodded and, with one last lingering kiss, turned away and strode into the bull pen. The sooner he faced the guys, the better, he figured.

"Well hello Sleeping Beauty," Sam greeted Deeks with cheery sarcasm. Deeks just snorted.

"Hey, it was a late night!" he protested halfheartedly, but even with all his undercover prowess, he still couldn't remove the grin from his face.

Sam gave him a confused look.

"Okay, now _you're_ doing the creepy Hetty-smile," he said, raising his eyebrows suspiciously. "What's going on?"

Deeks just laughed and sat down at his desk, too happy to pretend to be otherwise.

"Nothing's going on, Sam," he said, grinning at the senior agent.

"See! That, right there," Sam said, leaning forward toward the detective. "_That's_ what I'm talking about. What's going on?"

"Does it have something to do with the moaning I heard on the phone this morning?" Callen asked, finally looking up from his paperwork. Sam's eyes widened in surprise. He turned to glare at Deeks.

"Wow, you guys are some friends, you know that?" Deeks said, fighting back a furious blush at Callen's words. "And on my birthday, too…" he muttered under his breath.

_She's pregnant,_ he reminded himself. _It's not like we can keep that a secret forever… can we? _It was slightly tempting. _No, no…. They're gonna know soon enough. _

His grin just widened at his own train of thought.

_Kensi's pregnant. Kensi. Like… really pregnant. With my baby. I'm gonna be a dad. Oh my god, I'm gonna be a dad. We're having a baby. Half me, half Kensi. A baby… A son, if I listen to Kensi, which I should, you know, since she can be scary, and— _

"Deeks!" his team leader's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Hmm…? What?" he asked, still grinning. The two older agents just looked at him like he had a few screws loose.

_Eh, maybe I do,_ he thought to himself. After all, he should be much more freaked out about the whole situation than he actually was.

Callen just shook his head as if to say _"I'll never understand you."_ Sam gave him a confused look. Deeks just grinned at them both and pulled out an old file.

"Happy birthday, Deeks," Sam said softly before turning back to the file on his desk. Deeks smiled and did the same.

_I wonder how long this silence will last…_

* * *

><p>As it turned out, Sam and Callen managed to make it over an hour before they broke the silence with more questions.<p>

"Does this have something to do with the person who was moaning into the phone this morning?" Callen asked, finally breaking his uninterested facade. Sam's eyes widened again, and he shot an accusing look at Deeks.

"You brought a girl home last night?" he asked accusingly. For a moment, annoyance seeped in around Deeks's cloud of joy.

"No I did _not_ bring a girl home last night," he said firmly. _She came home to me. _He grinned again at the thought, his annoyance vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.

"No… no, of course you didn't," Sam said, immediately backtracking. "So what _were_ you doing last night?" Sam finally broke down, asking Deeks straight out. He sounded only slightly concerned. "I mean, you haven't been late in a long while. You weren't pulling traffic duty again, were you?" Deeks started to protest, but Sam just continued, "I don't care if it was an undercover operation, Hetty will literally kill you if you play that card again."

He was about to retort when he heard a soft chuckle, and he looked up to find Kensi standing just outside the bull pen. He couldn't help but grin at her, and she grinned back. She'd obviously been listening, and she was pleased with what she'd heard.

"Nah, Sam," he said, turning to face the senior agent, still grinning. If Kensi was happy, he was happy. _That's just how we roll._ "I wasn't working last night. I was just busy."

"Yeah," Sam said, his head tiled in concerned confusion. "That's what I'm worried ab—"

"_KENSI_!" Nell's voice rang out through the mission, causing everyone to spin around to face the two women. The pixie-like red head bounded down the stairs and pulled Kensi into a hug before Kensi had time to react. "You're back!"

Deeks smiled as his Kensi was engulfed in a tight hug, and he turned back to see Sam and Callen, both with identical looks of shock and pleasant surprise on their faces. Both senior agents walked toward Kensi slowly. Deeks followed, hanging back slightly to give her space with their friends/teammates.

"Yeah," Kensi said, sounding out of breath. "I'm back, but Nell, I can't breathe!"

"Oh!" Nell exclaimed, releasing Kensi. "Oh, right."

Deeks just chuckled quietly, enjoying the scene that was unfolding before him. Seeing Kensi back with her family… it was better than he could've imagined it.

"Welcome back, Kens," Sam said, enveloping her in a brotherly hug.

"Thanks Sam," Kensi smiled when Sam released her.

"Welcome back, Kensi," Callen said, giving her a slightly awkward side hug.

"Wait a second," Sam said, turning to look over at Deeks in confusion. He'd obviously noticed that Deeks was the only one who hadn't come over to welcome her home. "You already knew she was back?"

Deeks just smiled. He'd seen it coming a mile away.

"Guilty," he answered with a nonchalant shrug.

"So it was Kensi who was moaning into the phone this morning!" Callen said, his eyes widening in understanding. Everyone's eyes flashed to him, and Kensi's face turned red. Callen seemed to realize what he'd said. "No, I mean—"

"Yeah, you're probably not going to be able to talk your way out of that one, wise team leader," Deeks smirked at Callen. He looked over at his—partner? girlfriend? baby mama?—and smiled.

_Yeah, we definitely have a lot to talk about._

"I was tired!" she exclaimed defensively, not even bothering to deny that she'd been with him. He smiled at that. "I didn't get in until around three. You woke me up. I have every right to be grumpy."

"Yes you do," Deeks agreed, meeting her eyes across the bull pen. This time there was no mistaking her blush. He could tell she understood the deeper meaning behind his words.

Everyone looked like they had more they wanted to say, but Kensi cut them off.

"I heard we're all going out for drinks tonight," she said, smiling at her teammates. "Why don't we finish this conversation then?" They still looked reluctant to let the conversation drop, so she added, "Shouldn't we get back to work before Hetty comes back?"

"Yeah," Callen agreed, nodding his head. "We should all get some work done."

They all headed back to their desks, and Kensi began to re_dis_organize her desk, spreading files out in a glorious display of clutter. It was completely Kensi, and it wasn't until that moment that he realized how much the neat desk had haunted him. After a few minutes of content, comfortable silence between the team members, Sam finally spoke up.

"Well, at least this explains the creepy Hetty-smile," he said.

Deeks looked up, immediately meeting Kensi's gaze across the bull pen, and he knew they were both thinking the same thing.

_You have no idea. _

* * *

><p>Around five o'clock that evening, Callen slammed his laptop shut.<p>

"I suppose we should call it a day," he said, standing and moving to the center of the bull pen. "We don't know what'll come up for tomorrow. I don't know about you guys, but I could definitely use a drink after this boring day."

Deeks smirked, nodding his head in agreement. Last year, he would've agreed with Callen—paperwork used to be the worst kind of torture he knew. Now, however, he had learned to appreciate slowing down. He didn't want it every day, by any means, but a slow day spent exchanging looks across the bull pen with his partner… it wasn't all that bad.

"I'm down," Sam said, standing. "Usual place? Drinks are on me."

Kensi's eyes suddenly tightened in anxiety at Sam's words. Deeks sent her a discrete smile to settle her nerves.

_It's gonna be okay,_ he said with his eyes. _They'll be happy for us. _He did his best to keep the _maybe_ out of the silent pep talk. She smiled and nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Yeah," Kensi said, gathering her things. "We'll meet you there."

She climbed into the passenger's seat of her SRX, leaving the door open as she settled her things into the back seat.

"So this is just normal now?" Sam asked, turning to Deeks as the rest of their teammates walked to their cars. Deeks just gave him a confused look. "You two _carpooling_?"

Deeks just smirked, enjoying the relative calm before the storm. He caught Kensi's slightly worried look.

"Yep."

Sam's face fell slightly at his flippant tone, but Kensi's grin said it all. She tossed her keys to Deeks through the open door, then shut it in the faces of the two, slightly stunned men.

"You're driving?" Sam asked, puzzled. Deeks just grinned, an expression that he'd become all too familiar with in the last twelve hours.

"I'm driving," he said. With a smirk, he headed around and got into the driver's side. Sam just shook his head and jumped into the driver's side of his Challenger. He said something to Callen, then peeled out of the parking lot, following Eric and Nell to the bar. Deeks turned on the car, but instead of driving off, he turned to Kensi.

"So… _is_ this going to be normal?" she asked before he could say anything. Her tone was hesitant, but her eyes were still the new, open Kensi he'd really come to appreciate. He still couldn't believe how lucky he'd gotten.

"I sure hope so," he said, looking into her eyes. He could see that she understood what he was implying, but also that she needed him to say it.

_No more dancing around it_, he told himself.

"Hey, Kens?" he began, gathering his nerve.

"Yeah," she said softly, still not breaking eye contact. He resisted the urge to look away and make a joke.

_Now is so not the time for humor. C'mon, Marty. Communicate._ He smirked internally at himself. _With words. _

"I, uh… we're, um…" _Okay, not the greatest start. _He took a deep breath. "So, we're, uh, telling the team, right?"

She looked disappointed, and he cursed himself.

"Well, I mean, only if you want to," she said, looking down at her hands, which were playing across her stomach. "I mean, we still have some… things to figure out, and so we can wait until—"

"That night," he said, cutting her off before he lost the nerve. She looked at him confused. "That night when you showed up at my door… you know, after the… with the…" Understanding flashed in her eyes. "I said that someday you'd make someone the perfect _personal assistant_. And I…"

_This is it,_ he told himself. He took one last deep breath, steeling his nerves, then looked directly into her eyes.

"I didn't mean that," he said with sincerity. "I was going to say that you'd make someone the perfect wife someday. The perfect life partner. And not just someone." He paused here, trying desperately to convey the sincerity of his statement. "Me."

"Deeks…" she said, sounding slightly terrified.

"I'm not… I know it's too soon," he reassured her. Surprisingly, her expression didn't look relieved. "And I'm not just saying this because of the baby. I would've said it that night, but apparently my communication skills were still somewhat… lacking." He shook his head and let out a self-depreciating laugh. "I don't know, Kens. The point is, I love you. I loved you then, and I love you now. And I already love our son."

She froze, and Deeks suddenly wondered if he'd gone too far—pushed too hard, too quickly. Then she smiled, and his worries started to reside. She reached across the console for his hand, intertwining their fingers and placing them together under her shirt. Never breaking eye contact with her, he began to move his thumb back and forth over the place where their baby grew.

After a few long, silent moments, she spoke.

"This baby," she said, holding his gaze, "is the living proof of our love. Of how much I love you." A grin spread across his face, but she wasn't finished. "But even without this baby, you'd still be my everything."

_"Your smile, your laugh… everything." _The words he'd spoken to her that night—after surviving hell—would be forever in both of their memories.

"And you're mine," he said. No more words were necessary as their lips finally met again. This time felt different to Deeks—like the last barrier between them had finally been removed.

He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. They stayed like that for another moment before Deeks finally pulled back.

"I'd love to stay like this all night," he said softly, "but I really don't think they'll be all in favor of us being together if we make them wait much longer." He grinned as something else occurred to him. "Not to mention all the _hilarious_ jokes they'd be sure to make at our expense."

"Not ours, Deeks," Kensi said, leaning back over to her seat and pulling the seat belt across her lap. "Just you."

"Oh, I don't know, Princess," Deeks said with a sly wink. "Callen got plenty of material out of that _moan_ episode this morning."

There was no place for him to go to dodge the light punch he took to the shoulder.

* * *

><p>"About time you two showed up," Callen said as Kensi and Deeks walked over to the table where Callen, Sam, Eric, and Nell were already nursing their first drinks.<p>

"Well, Mr. Driving-Miss-Daisy over here—"

"Hold up there, Sunshine," Deeks cut in with a smirk. "I just obey the laws that _we_ enforce. Besides, _you_ let me drive."

Nell, Sam, and Callen shook their heads at her incredulously.

"Jet lag," Kensi defended her decision. It was adorably weak, in Deeks's opinion, but he didn't mind at all.

"Speaking of…" Sam said. "How are you back? I thought Hetty said your mission was still incomplete."

"Oh, well, uh…" Kensi shot a frantic look at Deeks, but he just shrugged. "It… uh, it is."

_Might as well get it out of the way._

She just narrowed her eyes at him. Nell, however, seemed to pick up on Kensi's discomfort.

"C'mon, Sam," Nell said lightly. "The girl just got back." Kensi shot her a relieved look. "Let's get this girl a beer before we start playing 20 questions."

Kensi's gratitude suddenly turned to fear. Nell got up to go to the bar. Deeks placed a hand on the small of Kensi's back discreetly, and her fearful look vanished. She nodded up at him.

"No thanks, Nell," Kensi said with a soft smile, not looking away from Deeks. "No alcohol for me."

He smiled at her and nodded encouragingly.

"Ah, c'mon, Kens," Sam said with a real smile. "You just got back. You deserve to let loose a little. Eric can be the designated driver tonight."

"Hey!" Eric protested, but no one payed him any mind.

"No," Kensi said, shaking her head and shooting Sam a very meaningful look. "I won't be drinking _alcohol_."

Sam's brow furrowed in confusion. Deeks held his breath and counted in his head. He was at around fifteen when Sam's confusion morphed into realization and finally settled on a mixture of shock and disbelief.

"_No_…" Sam said, shaking his head at Kensi. She smiled.

"_Yep_," Deeks said. Sam's gaze shifted to Deeks, and he could see the internal war raging inside the senior agent. On one hand, he was upset that Deeks had gotten his surrogate-little-sister pregnant. On the other hand, as a surrogate-big-brother to Deeks, he was happy for him.

"Look man," Deeks said, attempting to lighten the mood. "All I want for my birthday is my life. Think we can work with that?"

Sam stayed still for another thirty seconds before he allowed a grin to cross his face.

"Yeah, I can work with that," Sam said. Deeks finally let out the breath he'd been holding.

"Someone wanna fill me in here?" Callen's voice interrupted the moment.

Kensi smiled softly. Looking across at Deeks, she placed her hand across her stomach.

"No way…" Nell joined the realization, catching on first. Kensi just nodded. Nell beamed at her.

"Wha…?" Callen trailed off as his eyes landed on Kensi's hand. He looked up at her face. "No."

Kensi just smirked. "Yes."

"But—but she just got home _last night_!" he exclaimed. Sam, Nell, Kensi, and Deeks turned to him incredulously.

"Really?" Deeks asked with a smirk. "Seriously man? Do we need to have that talk? Because—ow!"

"Not the time, Deeks," Kensi whispered in his ear.

"Okay, fine!" he exclaimed, rubbing his shoulder more dramatically that necessary. Surprisingly, since she'd been home, her punches hadn't packed any force. "Geez! You didn't have to _hit_ me."

Something flashed momentarily in her eyes, but it was gone before he had a chance to really notice it was there. He made a mental note to ask her about that later, and looked back at the rest of the team.

Sam, who was now over whatever internal struggle he'd had, was beaming at them. Nell was grinning, too. Callen still seemed to be in a state of shock. Eric, however, was completely clueless.

"Umm… does somebody want to tell me what's going on?" he asked. It was just what they needed to break the tension in the group.

Deeks looked down and met Kensi's eyes.

_Do you want to say it, or should I? _he asked her. She just smiled.

"I'm pregnant," she said, not looking away from Deeks. He smiled down at her.

"We're having a baby," he added.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading! Leave a review on your way out :)<strong>_


	5. Morning Sickness

_**AN: Wow! Thanks for all the responses guys! You never cease to amaze me! I'm really sorry that this took longer than usual, but the chapter is also much longer than usual, so I hope that makes up for it! This was a tougher one to write—but don't ask me why. I have NO IDEA! **_

_**Thank you to Bamie02 for reviewing this for me :) As always, you rock! I wouldn't have made it through my writer's block without her… I'm sure you've all seen it, but if you haven't, check out her story Smile Sunshine! One of the best!**_

_**This chapter is extra long, because I wanted to do the car scene AND the bar scene in Kensi's POV before moving on… If you don't like that, please feel free to skip over it. I promise my feelings won't be hurt. That's what the first two parts are. After that, it's all new, so enjoy and leave me a review :)**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>Kensi climbed into the passenger's seat of her SRX, leaving the door open as she settled her things into the back seat. The day had left her feeling exhausted.<p>

_I didn't even do anything today,_ she complained to herself, doing her best to stifle a yawn. Even though she was mostly hidden from his sight, she knew Deeks would start to worry if she showed signs of fatigue.

_What am I going to do when—_

"So this is just normal now?" Sam voice cut into her thoughts. "You two _carpooling_?"

Kensi felt herself stiffen, and she couldn't help but wonder at Sam's words.

_Is this normal? Will this _be_ normal? Are we even together? He said he'd be patient, or wait, or… or, it was implied… right? Maybe? And, I mean, we're having a baby, but that doesn't necessarily mean—_

"Yep." Deeks's slightly flippant tone was the most reassuring sound Kensi had ever heard. She couldn't stop another grin from spreading across her face. She didn't have the words to tell him what that simple answer meant to her, so she just tossed him the keys. His eyes widened in surprise, and her smile turned into a smirk worthy of the man who'd taught her humor. She shut the door on her—partner? boyfriend? baby daddy?—she really wasn't sure.

_We really do have a lot to talk about… _

Deeks recovered rather quickly, answered something Sam said, then went around to the driver's side. Kensi watched him walk around the car, admiring every part of him. When he got in the car, Deeks started it, but instead of driving off, he turned to Kensi. His blue eyes were sparkling with good humor but also a little bit of doubt.

_Did he… not mean it? Does he think I didn't want him to mean it? _She wasn't getting anywhere by arguing in circles with herself, so she decided on a new course of action.

"So… _is_ this going to be normal?" she asked him directly before he could say anything. She barely managed to get the words past the lump in her throat, but she forced them past her lips. She kept looking into his intoxicating, ocean-like eyes, never letting the contact waver for a second.

_I could just drown in them…_ she thought to herself, allowing herself a small, wistful smile.

"I sure hope so," he said, looking back at her. His words were both reassuring and confusing.

_What does that mean, exactly? _she wondered. _What are we? _

"Hey, Kens?" he said, before she could voice her questions aloud.

"Yeah," she said softly, still not breaking eye contact. His mouth tightened like it did when he was trying to stay serious.

_This is it…_ she thought, holding her breath and attempting to give him silent encouragement with her eyes. Usually, silent communication was their specialty, but this time, it didn't seem to be working. His eyes were dark and serious… the way she'd only seen them a few times before. None of them had ended well, with the exception of one night. The night their child had been conceived.

"I, uh… we're, um…" She resisted the urge to smile at his stuttering.

_It must be serious if it's reduced the great Marty Deeks to stuttering,_ she thought with a small smile. _This is it… _

"So, we're, uh, telling the team, right?" he finally managed to ask. Her heart sank to her feet.

_Oh. Right. Of course he's talking about telling the team, Kensi. What did you think? That he was going to clear up… whatever it is that you are? You're both terrible at communication, remember? Why would that change now?_

_Shut up,_ she told herself. Out loud, she said, "Well, I mean, only if you want to." She looked down at her hands, which were playing across her stomach. The physical contact with her son was the only comfort she could draw from at the moment. "I mean, we still have some… things to figure out, and so we can wait until—"

"That night," he said, cutting her off suddenly. She stopped talking and looked over at him confused. "That night when you showed up at my door… you know, after the… with the…"

_Oh._

"I said that someday you'd make someone the perfect _personal assistant_," he continued. "And I…"

He took a deep breath, and she felt her hope begin to rise again. She fought it back.

"I didn't mean that," he said with sincerity. "I was going to say that you'd make someone the perfect wife someday. The perfect life partner. And not just someone." He paused here, his eyes shining in sincerity. "Me."

_How does he do that? _a small part of her brain wondered. He'd managed to simultaneously reassure her about where they stood, and also freak her out with the depth of his meaning. It was everything she'd ever wanted to hear, and yet she still couldn't stop the icy fear from flowing through her veins.

"Deeks…" she said, hating the way her voice shook slightly, betraying her fear.

"I'm not… I know it's too soon," he reassured her.

Surprisingly, it was disappointment that flooded her instead of relief. She tucked that away to consider later and listened to her partner continue.

"And I'm not just saying this because of the baby," he continued. "I would've said it that night, but apparently my communication skills were still somewhat… lacking." He shook his head and let out that self-depreciating laugh that she hated. "I don't know, Kens. The point is, I love you. I loved you then, and I love you now. And I already love our son."

She froze, waiting for the fear. But it didn't come.

_I love you too. _

The thought came to her naturally. It was like her life—every second with him, every teasing touch and longing gaze—flashed before her eyes. And surprisingly, she had absolutely no more doubts. Everything in her life suddenly made sense. The baby no longer seemed rushed, the future no longer seemed so scary. She noticed her partner's fearful expression, and she couldn't stop the grin that broke out on her face.

She reached across the console for his hand, intertwining their fingers and placing them together under her shirt. He began to move his thumb back and forth over the place where their baby grew. The feeling was absolutely indescribably, and it took her a long moment to gather her thoughts back together and speak.

"This baby," she said, holding his gaze, "is the living proof of our love. Of how much I love you." A grin spread across his face, but she wasn't finished. She needed to lay everything out between them. _No more doubts. _"But even without this baby, you'd still be my everything."

_"Your smile, your laugh… everything." _The words he'd spoken to her that night—after surviving hell—would be forever etched in both of their memories.

"And you're mine," he said. No more words were necessary as their lips finally met again. This time felt different to Kensi—like she had everything she'd never known she'd been searching for in her life. All because of this wonderful man who was holding her as close as their situation would allow.

He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. They stayed like that for another moment before Deeks finally pulled back. She made a soft sound of protest in her throat, and he smiled.

"I'd love to stay like this all night," he assured her, "but I really don't think they'll be all in favor of us being together if we make them wait much longer."

_Together. _She smiled at that.

His grin suddenly widened as if he found something amusing. "Not to mention all the _hilarious_ jokes they'd be sure to make at our expense."

"Not ours, Deeks," Kensi said, leaning back over to her seat and pulling the seat belt across her lap. She smirked at her everything. It was a strange label, sure, but it was them. "Just you."

"Oh, I don't know, Princess," Deeks said with a sly wink. "Callen got plenty of material out of that _moan_ episode this morning."

And because, as his girlfriend, it was her duty to make sure he stayed in line, she punched him playfully in the shoulder. It was either that or blush again, and she sure as hell wasn't going with the latter.

_Some things should never change. _

* * *

><p>"About time you two showed up," Callen said as Kensi and Deeks walked over to the table where Callen, Sam, Eric, and Nell were already nursing their first drinks. Kensi immediately resorted to sending a teasing jab at her boyfriend.<p>

"Well, Mr. Driving-Miss-Daisy over here—"

"Hold up there, Sunshine," Deeks cut in with a smirk, easily following her lead. "I just obey the laws that _we_ enforce. Besides, _you_ let me drive."

Nell, Sam, and Callen shook their heads at her incredulously.

"Jet lag," Kensi defended her decision. She could tell, from their looks, that they all thought she was going nuts.

_Eh, maybe I am… _

"Speaking of…" Sam said. "How are you back? I thought Hetty said your mission was still incomplete."

"Oh, well, uh…" Kensi shot a frantic look at Deeks, but he just shrugged as if to say _'might as well get it out of the way'_. "It… uh, it is."

She narrowed her eyes at Deeks. Nell, however, seemed to pick up on Kensi's discomfort.

"C'mon, Sam," Nell said lightly. "The girl just got back." Kensi shot her a relieved look. "Let's get this girl a beer before we start playing 20 questions."

Kensi's gratitude suddenly turned to fear.

_Oh god, how do I—how do we… What do I say to— _

Nell got up to go to the bar. Deeks placed a hand on the small of Kensi's back discreetly. Again, just his touch was enough to chase away the fear.

_These are our friends,_ she reminded herself. _They'll be happy for us. And if they're not, fine. I have Deeks. We're good._

"No thanks, Nell," Kensi said with a soft smile. She looked up at Deeks and held his gaze, feeling her confidence solidify. "No alcohol for me."

He smiled at her and nodded encouragingly. It made her feel bolder.

"Ah, c'mon, Kens," Sam said with a real smile. "You just got back. You deserve to let loose a little. Eric can be the designated driver tonight."

"Hey!" Eric protested, but no one payed him any mind.

"No," Kensi said, shaking her head and shooting Sam a very meaningful look. "I won't be drinking _alcohol_."

Kensi watched the big man's reaction. She waited patiently as Sam's expression went from confusion to realization to pure shock.

"_No_…" Sam said, shaking his head at Kensi. She smiled.

"_Yep_," Deeks said. Sam's gaze shifted to Deeks, and she held her breath. If it came down to it, she'd step in. After all, she had to have her partner's back, and she couldn't let anything happen to her boyfriend—her son's _father_. She felt a shiver go through her at the thought.

"Look man," Deeks finally said, attempting to lighten the mood. "All I want for my birthday is my life. Think we can work with that?"

Sam stayed still for another thirty seconds before he allowed a grin to cross his face.

"Yeah, I can work with that," Sam said. Kensi felt relief flood her entire body. Having Sam behind them meant that it was all going to be okay. Callen may be the team leader, but the team would ultimately follow Sam's lead in matters like this.

"Someone wanna fill me in here?" Callen's voice interrupted the moment.

Kensi smiled softly. Looking across at Deeks, she placed her hand across her stomach. Her nerves and adrenaline immediately calmed as her hand connected with the place that held their child.

"No way…" Nell joined the realization, catching on first. Kensi just nodded at her best girl friend. Nell beamed at her.

_Sam and Nell are good… Callen? _She turned her attention to her team leader.

"Wha…?" Callen trailed off as his eyes landed on Kensi's hand. He looked up at her face. "No."

Kensi just shook her head and smirked. _Why is that everyone's first word? _"Yes."

"But—but she just got home _last night_!" he exclaimed. Sam, Nell, Kensi, and Deeks turned to him incredulously.

"Really?" Deeks asked with a smirk. "Seriously man? Do we need to have that talk?" Kensi glared at her partner, but he didn't seem to notice, so she slugged his shoulder. "Because—ow!"

"Not the time, Deeks," Kensi whispered in his ear. It didn't matter that she partly agreed with Deeks.

"Okay, fine!" he exclaimed, rubbing his shoulder more dramatically that necessary. She knew her punch hadn't packed that much force, but she was getting a funny feeling in her stomach just watching him. It was almost as if… "Geez! You didn't have to _hit_ me."

In the space of only a few seconds, she was suddenly back outside that hotel where she'd…

_Oh god… _She could still feel her fist connect with his fragile jaw, and even her hand over their baby didn't calm her. _I hit him. In the jaw! I— _

His gaze became concerned, so she quickly pushed the thoughts away. It wasn't the time. She needed to enjoy the moment. She could worry about everything else—including her shocking revelation—later.

Sam, who was now over whatever internal struggle he'd had, was beaming at them. Nell was grinning, too. Callen still seemed to be in a state of shock. Eric, however, was completely clueless.

"Umm… does somebody want to tell me what's going on?" he asked. It was just what they needed to break the tension in the group, and Kensi managed to temporarily push away the remaining guilt.

Deeks looked down and met Kensi's eyes with a silent question. She just smiled and allowed all her worries to float away as she stared back into his beautiful blue eyes.

"I'm pregnant," she said, not looking away from Deeks. He smiled down at her, and she felt a thrill go through her body. It was the first time she'd uttered the words out loud to someone in person, and she couldn't contain her smile.

"We're having a baby," he added. For that moment, the world seemed to shrink until it was just her and Deeks. The music, the bar, the team… none of it mattered when she could lose herself in his ocean-like eyes forever.

"You? You two? A-a baby?" Eric's stunned voice snapped her back to reality. Kensi reluctantly turned her attention back to the team. She could see they were all waiting for answers.

"Huh," Eric said after a long minute. "I have got to admit that I did not see that coming."

Once again, the whole team laughed.

"Yeah, well, neither did we," Deeks said.

"So this is good?" Callen asked seriously. Kensi bit back the retort that was on the tip of her tongue, knowing that Callen hadn't meant to come across as callous.

"Yeah, Callen," Kensi said, turning her focus to him briefly. "It's good."

* * *

><p>Kensi managed to make it through another two hours of team bonding and celebration before she started to nod off on Deeks's shoulder.<p>

"I think we're going to call it a night," Deeks said when her head hit his shoulder. She just hummed in agreement, too tired to worry about putting up a fight.

"Alright guys," Callen said. "We'll see you when we see you tomorrow, okay?"

The rest of the team just nodded. Kensi was grateful that none of them called her out on her uncharacteristic show of weakness.

"Thanks man," Deeks said. Kensi just nodded and followed Deeks out of the bar. When they reached the car, Deeks opened the passenger's door and moved to settle her inside, but she clung onto him.

"Mmmm, no," she protested weakly. She turned her head and inhaled his comforting scent. "You're warm. You smell nice."

He laughed and it caused her head to jar slightly. She let out an irritated moan and leaned into him a little more.

"Well thanks, Princess," he said, still chuckling softly. "You're tired. Let's get you home so you can go to sleep."

She shook her head, turning her face into his chest.

"I don't wanna go to my house," she mumbled into his chest, wanting to make sure he understood what she meant. "I wanna go _home_."

His arms suddenly brought her tight to his chest in a bone-crushing hug.

"You got it, Fern," he said reverently. "You got it."

Then suddenly, completely without warning, he lifted her off her feet and smoothly placed her in the car. The door was shut and he was halfway around to his side of the car before she'd even processed what had happened. It did, however, leave her feeling just a little more awake.

When he got in, he looked over at her expectantly.

"What?" she asked with a smile, her voice still sounding tired.

_He's so adorable…_ she thought. _Wait, where'd that come from. Ah, who cares. He _is_ adorable. _

He grinned at her, his bright blue eyes sparkling with surprised laughter.

"Just waiting for the punch I know you're dying to send my way," he teased her. She tensed, and her smile slipped away. Deeks's grin slowly turned into a confused, concerned expression. "What's wrong?"

_So many, many, many things…_ she thought to herself. Kensi glared at her hands, steeling her nerves for the coming conversation.

"No more punches," she said, hesitantly meeting his eyes.

"What do you… Huh? What do you mean, '_no more punches_'? Like… _ever_?" he asked incredulously. The teasing glint was back in his eyes, but he still looked confused. Kensi took a deep breath.

"I mean," she said with a frustrated sigh, "that I punched you. I _punched_ you, Deeks!" His eyes flashed in understanding. "I really hurt you. And for some crazy reason, you don't hate me."

"Of course I don't hate you!" he exclaimed.

She felt relief at his works, but she continued as if he hadn't spoken. "So I'm not gonna tempt fate. If I'm really getting a second chance here, then there's no way I'm going to let something like that come between us."

She looked down at her hands, resting in her lap, and attempted to catch her breath.

_This is it,_ her brain screamed at her. _He's finally going to realize what an unstable basket case you really are, and he'll be headed for the hills. _

_No,_ she argued back weakly. _He wouldn't—_

Deeks reached over and took her hands into his, effectively silencing her thoughts.

"Kens," he said, tilting her chin up so she had to look into his eyes. "We both made emotional decisions on that case. You just… made a few more than I did." She gave a watery laugh, doing her best to glare at him. Judging from the way he laughed, however, she didn't look very threatening.

"Look, Kens, maybe I was angry—before everything went down. But then you charged into that meat locker and I took that shot and we talked and…" he trailed off. His gaze hardened slightly in determination. "We were figuring things out already, and it hadn't even been 24 hours. All we needed was some time."

_Time,_ she thought, shaking her head incredulously. She couldn't stop the tears from streaking down her face. _I don't deserve this man. I don't deserve his love or his forgiveness. But I'll be damned if I don't spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it. _

As if he could read her thoughts, he smiled and pulled her closer. As their lips met, all conscious thought flew out of her mind.

Pulling back, he grinned and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Alright, Fern," he said in a teasing tone. "Let's get you and baby Deeks home. You need some sleep."

* * *

><p>Kensi awoke the next morning wrapped tightly in her partner's strong arms, feeling more rested than she had since before the whole Siderov ordeal. His hands were resting protectively over her stomach. She placed her hands on top of his and spun slowly around.<p>

His blonde locks were falling slightly over his closed eyes, and there were still dark circles under his eyes, but his nose was twitching.

_"I have a tendency of doing that when I'm happy." _

She let out a slow breath and snuggled deeper into his embrace, being careful so as not to wake him. As she moved, his arms tightened around her, pulling her completely flush against him. She fit there perfectly, and so she closed her eyes and let her mind drift.

His thoughtfulness… his selflessness… his kindness… his honesty—even in the midst of what they did for a living—were all qualities that she wanted their son to have. She smiled as she felt a flutter in her stomach.

"Mmmm…" Deeks murmured as he began to wake. His lips came down and caressed the top of her head. "Mornin' Sunshine."

"Morning," she returned the greeting, pulling his lips down to hers. A few moments later he pulled back and grinned. Then he slid down, pushed up her sleep tank top, and kissed her stomach.

"Morning, baby Deeks," he said softly. She felt a lump begin to form in her throat as he used the same name she had the first time she'd spoken to their child. "It's daddy." He nuzzled her tummy with his scruff, causing her to giggle. "You hear that? Mommy thinks daddy is funny. She won't admit it, but she thinks I'm the funniest. And you're gonna be funny too… you and me, we'll gang up on mommy, but she'll love us anyways."

She ran her hands through his blonde locks, her eyes filling with tears as she listened to him speak to their child.

"If you're a girl, you'll have your mommy's beautiful chocolate hair—and probably her chocolate addiction, too." She tugged playfully on his ear at that. "Ow! And maybe your mommy's temper, too. But if you're a boy—which I'm pretty sure you are…" He lowered his voice to a stage-like whisper. "Your mommy's a Leo, so she's _always_ right. She says you're a boy, so that means you _have_ to be a boy."

"Hey!" Kensi protested weakly. Deeks managed to look away from her stomach for just a moment. "I don't _always_ have to be right."

He just raised his eyebrows, clearly trying not to laugh.

"Let's hope you get your mother's inability to lie," he said conspiratorially to their baby. Kensi laughed. "Anyways, if you're a boy—which you probably are—you're going to be a handful. You'll get my charm and your mommy's laugh—but only her real one… seriously Kens, you cannot give our son your maniacal crazy-woman laugh."

Kensi gave an overly-exaggerated laugh, and Deeks pretended to be horrified.

"Touché," she said, still laughing. Deeks shuddered.

"And you are most definitely going to learn the proper way to use touché."

"I use it right!" Kensi protested.

"Sure you do, Fern," he said, clearly humoring her. "Sure you do."

"I do so," she said petulantly. He laughed and his ocean-blue eyes sparkled. She couldn't take it any longer. She pulled him back up to her, attaching her lips to his.

"Mmm… we're hungry," she said, pulling away to rest her forehead against his. He laughed.

"Way to ruin the moment, Fern," he said, but he rolled out of bed. "You feeling donuts?" he asked her.

"How do you know me so well?" she wondered aloud. He just laughed.

"Don't worry, Fern," he said as he threw on a shirt. He leaned over and kissed her, then whispered in her ear, "I'll be right back."

She shivered at his proximity, and before she could act on the desire racing through her veins, he turned, grabbed Monty's leash, hooked up the dog, and walked out the door. For a long moment she sat there, mouth opened like a fish, staring at the door.

_You might as well get in the shower,_ she thought, eventually getting ahold of herself. _If I wait until he gets back, it'll end up taking way too long, and we'll be late. _

It didn't matter that Callen had told them to come in whenever they could. She didn't want their first day back—after everyone knew they were together—to become fodder for teasing.

With a heavy sigh, she tossed the covers aside and walked to the bathroom. She turned on the shower, and as the hot water relaxed her muscles, she couldn't help but wonder how it was that she'd managed to get everything she never knew she'd always wanted.

* * *

><p>A half hour later, freshly showered and dressed, Kensi was finishing applying her make up when Deeks walked through the door.<p>

"Honey, I'm home!" he called out in a singsongy voice. She smirked at his cheesiness and leaned out into the hallway.

"In the bathroom," she called back in an equally singsongy voice. A few moments later he arrived with a box of all her favorites. She grinned at him.

"I didn't know which one you were feeling this morning, so I just got one of each."

She smiled at his thoughtfulness, and leaned over to kiss him. As she did, she got a full breath of donut smell, and her stomach lurched. She jerked back, placed her hand over her mouth, ran to the toilet, and was promptly sick. Violently.

Only seconds after reaching the toilet, she felt her hair being pulled back by steady hands. She heaved again, and she felt his other hand begin to rub circles on her back. He murmured quiet assurances to her as he did all this.

Her whole body was shaking, and her mouth tasted terrible. Finally, when she was sure she couldn't possibly have anything left in her stomach, she leaned back against his chest. She closed her eyes and inhaled his salty, ocean-like… Deeks smell. It eventually saturated her senses, and she was able to stop shaking.

"M'sorry," she mumbled into his chest.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said, tightening his grip on her. "I'm sorry you're sick, Princess," he continued. "Is there… s-something I can do? Is this… _normal_? Do you need to go to a doctor?"

She couldn't help but chuckle at his adorable concern. She knew he was really concerned, but she also realized that he was trying to make her smile.

"It's called morning sickness, Deeks," she told him gently, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "And we do have an appointment, tomorrow late morning. Hetty booked us, and by the way, we both have tomorrow off."

Deeks shook his head. "Of course she did. Why am I surprised?"

"I don't know, babe," Kensi said, shaking her head. She pulled away from Deeks slightly. "Alright." She started to get up. Deeks scrambled to his feet and offered her a hand up. Kensi opened her mouth to protest—she could get up just fine on her own, thank you very much. But then she saw the look of loving concern on his face and she took his hand.

"Let me brush my teeth, then we should probably head into work," she said. Deeks nodded.

"I got coffee," he said a few minutes later when she came back into the kitchen. She gratefully took the warm cup from him and took a sip. She immediately spit it back out.

"Ugh! What the hell is this?" she asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust. His brow furrowed.

"It's decaf," he said. "I thought pregnant women weren't supposed to drink caffein…?"

"Are you kidding me?" she screeched incredulously. "Who cares? Give me your coffee!"

She reached across and grabbed his coffee.

"Uh, Kens—"

"Seriously! You got decaf, too!"

He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well, uh, yeah…?" he said cautiously. "I mean, you can't have caffein, so I figured it's only fair that I can't have caffein either…?"

With that statement, all Kensi's annoyance vanished. She sat the coffee down on the table and strode forward towards him. He cringed away from her, but she ignored him. Taking his face into her hands, she pulled him down and kissed him passionately on the lips. It took him a moment to respond, but when he did, he pulled her flush against him and deepened the kiss.

"Wow. What was that for?" he asked when they finally separated. She smiled.

"For being your amazing self," she replied with a wink. She glanced down at her watch. "Now c'mon, we've gotta get going," she said, grabbing his hand and dragging him out the door.

"Woah, there Kensalina," he said, hastily locking the door and following her. "What's the rush? Callen said we could take as much time as we needed, remember?"

"Oh I remember," she said, getting into the driver's side. Once he was in she started the car and backed out of the lot. "But if we're late they'll probably just tease us mercilessly. And I am so not up for that this morning."

He just chuckled. "Yeah, you're right."

"So what's on the agenda for today?" she wondered aloud as she entered the freeway. She kept half her focus on his answer and half on periodically checking for tails.

"We've still got an open case," he said, "but we're kinda hitting a wall with that. Hopefully we'll have a new lead to check out today. How about you? Are you cleared yet?"

"Psych eval today," she told him. "After that, I'll be cleared to be back on the team."

* * *

><p>A few hours after they got in to work, the guys left to check out a lead from an ongoing case, and Kensi—still not completely cleared to be back—headed up the stairs to OPS to catch up with Nell. When she entered the familiar room, Nell was sitting with her back to the door, reading multiple articles at the same time.<p>

"Hey Kens," Nell said without turning around, before Kensi even had a chance to open her mouth. Kensi just chuckled.

"You've been spending too much time with Hetty, haven't you?" she laughed. Nell exited out of the data she'd been analyzing and spun her chair around to face Kensi.

"It's a distinct possibility," Nell said, sounding too much like Hetty.

"Okay, that might be a little creepy," Kensi said, shaking her head.

"So what's up?" Nell asked, changing the subject.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to get some lunch. It's kinda slow around here, and I can't do anything but after action reports until I'm cleared by my psych eval this afternoon, so…" she trailed off, looking to Nell for an answer. Nell smiled.

"Sure, that sounds great! Nothing going on up here that can't wait. I know this great new sandwich shop that just opened a few weeks ago. You'll love it!" Then her smile faded. "I mean, if that sounds okay to you. They have soup and such, or if that makes you feel nauseous—"

"No, that sounds great Nell," Kensi said, cutting her friend off with a laugh. "Honestly, right now, _anything_ sounds better than an MRE."

"Man, I can't imagine," Nell said. The two friends grabbed their bags and walked out of OSP together. "The shop is right down the street here, so if you feel up for walking it'll only take a few minutes."

"Mmmmm…" Kensi said, falling into step beside Nell. "I missed this. The sunshine, the warmth… home."

"Yeah…" Nell nodded. "So… what's it like being back?"

"It's been better than I could've imagined, Nell," Kensi said with a genuine smile. "I just missed my… _everything_." She paused. "And everyone."

"Everyone?" Nell asked, raising her eyebrows. "Or one person in particular?"

"Like I said," Kensi said with a private, intimate smile. She couldn't help the slight blush that reached her cheeks. "I missed my _everything_."

Nell just nodded, clearly not understanding Kensi's implication. She sighed.

"Yeah, I missed him a lot," Kensi admitted as they entered the small sub shop. The two women ordered their sandwiches and sat down in a booth. Kensi dug in immediately. After her bout of morning sickness, she hadn't eaten anything, and she definitely wasn't used to that.

"So I guess he does know from intimate experience, huh?" Nell mumbled after a long, quiet moment. She looked over at Kensi with a slight grin, but she sounded like she hadn't meant to speak her thoughts aloud.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kensi asked, setting her remaining sandwich back on her paper. _Who knows what from… intimate?… experience?_

Nell's words caused a rather sick feeling to grow in Kensi's stomach.

"Oh, uh," Nell chuckled and shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "Well, the first case after you… left… we were, um, examining a potential suspect—a lawyer. I was digging into her financials—"

"You—you didn't send Deeks undercover, did you?" Kensi interrupted, suddenly really feeling a sick to her stomach. "Not like… like with—" she couldn't even bring herself to utter the woman's name.

"_No_!" Nell exclaimed. Kensi felt a wave of relief. "Oh, god, Kens, no! Besides, considering…" Nell gestured to Kensi's abdomen, "…you know he'd _never_."

"Yeah," Kensi said, nodding her head and breathing normally. "Yeah, I know that. I do. I-I guess the rational part of my brain isn't fully functional at the moment."

"That's completely understandable," Nell replied with an understanding smile.

_So then what did she mean, 'intimate knowledge'?_

"So then what did you mean about _'intimate knowledge,' _exactly?" Kensi asked. Nell laughed again.

"Well, when we were examining her expense reports," Nell began, "we found some discrepancies."

"Discrepancies?" Kensi wondered aloud.

"A lawyer pulling 150k a year affording Louis Vittons? Not likely." Kensi nodded in understanding, motioning for Nell to continue. "Well, I said that her income couldn't cover her lease, her car, or her Louis Vittons, but none of the guys knew what those were…"

"Except for Deeks," Kensi interrupted with a smile. Nell nodded her head.

"Except for Deeks," Nell confirmed. "I've been meaning to ask you that, by the way. How does he know that?"

"I may or may not have an unhealthy addiction to Top Model that Deeks doesn't mind feeding," Kensi said with a slight blush. Nell just nodded in understanding.

"Well," Nell continued, "they guys asked what they were, and Deeks answered. Everyone was giving him these confused looks, which of course made him feel uncomfortable…"

"Which translated into babbling," Kensi finished. She pressed her lips together. "What'd he say?"

_***FLASHBACK***_

_"What? My partner's a woman. Or… at least, she _was_. I mean she's _still_ a woman. Actually I'm not sure if she's still a woman. I'm _sure_ she's still a woman. Not that I know that from any sort of _intimate_ experience, I'm just saying that—right _now_—she's not here… with… me."_

_***FLASHBACK***_

Kensi just chuckled, looking down at her sandwich. "Oh my god, he actually said that?"

Nell just smiled. "Yeah, well I think he was really sleep deprived—especially in those first few weeks."

Kensi's smile fell as she listened. "Yeah," she said softly. "We haven't talked about that since I've been home. There's just been so many other things, and…"

Nell nodded in understanding.

"Anyways, he's just… he's been great, Nell. He's taking this so much better than I could've imagined. I was so scared to tell him—"

"Why?" Nell interrupted, looking genuinely confused. "I mean, how many times have I interrupted the two of you in awkward moments? And I'd say a good 90% of them have to do with him offering to help you create little… what was the term?"

"Mutant ninja assassins," Kensi said with a fond smile. She placed her hand on her still flat stomach. "Our little mutant ninja assassins."

"Exactly," Nell said, nodding her head.

"Again, my logical brain wasn't exactly working right, Nell," Kensi said with a laugh. "I was scared out of my wits—I still am, a little—but I was also excited, because I know that this is what he's always wanted. And sure, it might be a little sooner than either of us expected, but it just feels… _right_."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Just a small reminder that reviews make my day :)<strong>_


	6. The Past

_**AN: Hey guys! Thank you all for the amazing response to the last chapter! As always, it's what keeps me writing :) That said, this chapter is kinda different, so I'll need lots of feedback. Many people have requested that this story continue, and I really want to do that, so I'm adding in a case. I mean, you can't have a multi-chapter story without a case, right? Right. So, this chapter is meant to set up the case. **_

_**I wasn't too sure about it at first, but I think it turned out pretty good. **_

_**As always, thanks to the fantabulous Bamie02 for her help editing and talking me through things. Also, EmmyLou74 and Moreclassythansassy, for all their encouragement. And all of you who review! Seriously, reviews make my day! **_

_**So, without further ado, in the midst of all the Valentine's Day fluff, here's… well… this. A belated Valentine's Day present. :)**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>Deeks walked back through the door, a half hour after leaving, with a box of all of Kensi's favorite donuts and two cups of coffee. He sat the coffees down on the counter, unhooked Monty, and scratched the mutt behind the ears.<p>

"Honey, I'm home!" he called out in a cheesy, singsongy voice that he knew would make her laugh. It worked, and he was rewarded with her laughter as it floated out to him from down the hall. It eased his anxiety.

He hated it, but a part of him had wondered if she'd still be there when he got back. Maybe everything had been a dream, and she was still in Afghanistan. Or maybe she would stop opening up and run away from him again.

"In the bathroom," she called back in an equally singsongy voice, interrupting his train of thought. He smiled, shook his head, and walked down the hall to the bathroom with the donut box. She grinned at him.

"I didn't know which one you were feeling this morning," he said, "so I just got one of each."

She smiled and leaned over to kiss him, and he smiled, leaning in toward her. Before their lips met, however, she suddenly jerked back, placed her hand over her mouth, ran to the toilet, and was promptly sick. Violently.

Deeks was stunned for only a moment before he instinctively sprang into motion. He crouched down beside her, gathering her hair away from her face. As she continued to heave, he rubbed circles on her back and murmured quiet words of encouragement. He felt so helpless as she finally leaned back against him, shaking. For once, he didn't know what to say, so he just stayed silent and held her.

After a long moment, she stirred and snuggled into him.

"M'sorry," she mumbled into his chest.

_Oh, Kens… _

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said, tightening his grip on her. "I'm sorry you're sick, Princess," he continued. He hated to see her in pain, even if there was a really good reason behind it. He also hated being unable to help her. As her partner—and now as her boyfriend—it was his job to protect her.

"Is there… s-something I can do?" he continued after a moment. "Is this… _normal_? Do you need to go to a doctor?"

He felt slightly relieved when she managed to chuckle at his lame babbling.

"It's called morning sickness, Deeks," she told him gently, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "And we do have an appointment, tomorrow late morning. Hetty booked us, and by the way, we both have tomorrow off."

Deeks shook his head. "Of course she did," he said, more to himself than to Kensi. "Why am I surprised?"

"I don't know, babe," Kensi said, shaking her head. She pulled away from Deeks slightly, but he barely registered it. His mind was still lingering on the '_babe'_ that had slipped out of her mouth in her unguarded state.

"Alright." She started to get up. Deeks scrambled to his feet and offered her a hand up. For a moment, he thought she would refuse—maybe even snap at him—but then she took his hand and allowed him to help her to her feet. He couldn't hide his grin.

"Let me brush my teeth, then we should probably head into work," she said. Deeks nodded and headed back into the kitchen. He sat out food for Monty and gathered up his own things for work.

"I got coffee," he said a few minutes later when she came back into the kitchen. She gratefully took the warm cup from him and took a sip. She immediately spit it back out.

"Ugh! What the hell is this?" she asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust. His brow furrowed.

_Oh boy…_

He'd known he was taking a risk, bringing her decaf coffee. But even with the extremely limited knowledge he had of pregnancies, he was pretty sure that pregnant women weren't allowed to have caffeine.

_I need to get some literature,_ he thought to himself. His partner's glare intensified, so he quickly turned his attention back to her.

"It's decaf," he said cautiously. Four years as her partner gave him adequate respect for her addiction to caffeine. "I thought pregnant women weren't supposed to drink caffeine…?"

"Are you kidding me?" she screeched incredulously. "Who cares? Give me your coffee!"

She reached across and grabbed his coffee.

"Uh, Kens—" but he couldn't get the warning out before she was spitting _his_ coffee back into _his_ cup.

"Seriously! You got decaf, too!"

He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck.

_Now would be a good time to use that famous charm,_ he thought to himself. Unfortunately, he happened to be dealing with the only female he'd ever met who was mostly resistant to said charm.

"Well, uh, yeah…?" he began cautiously. "I mean, you can't have caffeine, so I figured it's only fair that I can't have caffeine either…?"

He clamped his mouth shut after that statement, determined not to launch into another babbling spree. Kensi's eyes widened, and then they were absolutely unreadable. She sat his coffee cup down on the table and took a determined step toward him.

Despite her words from the night before, a minor flashback to that hotel flashed in his mind, and he instinctively took a step back. He tried to keep the fear off his face, but he was pretty sure he didn't succeed. She continued her advance, but this time he held his ground.

Before he knew what was happening, Kensi reached up, cupped his face in her hands, and kissed him. He stood there for a moment, completely frozen, before he pulled her in tighter and kissed her back.

"Wow," he whispered when breathing finally became a necessity. "What was that for?" She smiled.

"For being your amazing self," she replied with a wink. She pulled away and glanced down at her watch, but he just stood there, stupefied.

_She thinks I'm amazing?_

"Now c'mon, we've gotta get going," she said, grabbing his hand and dragging him out the door, effectively snapping him out of his trance.

"Woah, there Kensalina," he said, hastily locking the door and following her. "What's the rush? Callen said we could take as much time as we needed, remember?"

"Oh I remember," she said, getting into the driver's side. Once he was in she started the car and backed out of the lot. "But if we're late they'll probably just tease us mercilessly. And I am so not up for that this morning."

He just chuckled. "Yeah, you're right."

"So what's on the agenda for today?" she wondered aloud as she entered the freeway.

"We've still got an open case," he said, getting a strange feeling at the thought, "but we're kinda hitting a wall with that. Hopefully we'll have a new lead to check out today." He shook it off and turned the conversation to her. "How about you? Are you cleared yet?"

"Psych eval today," she told him, rolling her eyes. He smirked, totally able to relate to the horrors of the psych eval. "After that, I'll be cleared to be back on the team."

* * *

><p>When they arrived at work, things were pretty quiet. Sam and Callen were still somewhat in shock, so they hadn't come up with too many new jokes yet. Still, Deeks figured he'd be getting the 'big-brothers-talk' at some point soon.<p>

_Sooner than later, I guess,_ he thought as he caught Sam's gaze. He just nodded at Sam and turned back to his paperwork.

A little before noon, Eric came down and informed them that they had a lead on their stalled case. Sam and Callen motioned for him to follow them as they made their way out of the room. Deeks got up, sent a quick smile to Kensi—who returned it with a silent demand that he _be safe_, which he returned with an equally silent _always_—and followed the guys to the Challenger. He didn't even protest as he climbed into the cramped backseat.

_I can't wait to be working with Kensi again,_ he thought to himself as Sam peeled out of the mission parking lot. _But, will she be coming back? I mean, of course she'll be coming back, but she can't do field work… can she? I mean, with the baby…? _He frowned slightly and sighed. _Man, we _still_ have a _lot_ to talk about. _

Traffic was bad—even by mid-afternoon LA standards—so the Challenger was moving through the city at a snail's pace. The car was quiet and tense, and frankly, it was making Deeks uncomfortable. So, as he usually did in such situations, he opened his mouth.

"So I suppose this is the part where you tell me about all the different ways you can kill me, huh?" he asked lightheartedly. When neither man immediately responded, he continued, "I mean, you know that this is… it's the real deal, right? I mean, we're _together_-together. I mean, obviously—we are having a _baby_, so _obviously_ we're… and I mean, we're together. As much as Kensi wants. I mean, as much as we… are, which is, you know… together. And we _are_ figuring things out, but I mean, she did just get back yesterday, and I think, at this point, it's really… well it's personal feelings, which are, you know—"

"Deeks!" Sam finally cut in, turning around in his seat. When he did, Deeks could see the laughter in his eyes, and he mock scowled.

"You're laughing at me!" Deeks complained with a smile, but he couldn't keep the relief out of his voice.

"Can you blame us?" Sam teased back. "That was… _some_ speech."

"Yeah, well, I didn't really have the time to wax poetic," Deeks grumbled good-naturedly. He was just glad that Sam and Callen seemed to be in a good mood.

"I'll give you that," Sam said, laughing and shaking his head.

"So we're… skipping the 'big brothers' speech?" Deeks asked hopefully.

"Well it's a little late to tell you not to knock up our little sister," Callen commented dryly. Deeks choked slightly in surprise and fought the blush he felt coming.

"Yeah, maybe a little," he sheepishly agreed.

"In all seriousness, though," Sam finally said, again turning around to look at Deeks, "we really are happy for you guys. You've both been through a lot to get to where you are, so we have absolute faith that you can get through anything that life'll throw your way."

A blaring horn behind them interrupted the moment, and Sam turned his attention back to the freeway, which was moving at a normal speed once again.

"Besides," Sam said as he pulled off the freeway and onto a side street in a shady part of town, "I'm gonna be the best Uncle ever!"

"Well, the _second_ best," Callen qualified. Sam scoffed, and took a sharp right turn.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"And how do you figure that?" Sam asked as the car finally eased to a stop across the street from their destination.

Deeks just laughed at their antics and opened his mouth to tease them both, but when he looked up at the location, his laughter died off. Cold dread settled in his gut, and that strange feeling from that morning was back.

"Well, I mean, seriously, of the two of us, I'm the only one with a successful Uncle-ship," Callen said. Sam scoffed again.

"That's only because Michelle and I have no siblings, and _you_ don't have any kids," Sam argued back.

"So?"

"So? What do you mean, '_so_'?" Sam asked incredulously. "It means that I have children, therefore it doesn't matter that I've never been an Uncle before. I _clearly_ have the most experience with kids. Right Deeks?"

But Deeks barely heard him. When he didn't answer, Sam turned around.

"Deeks?" he repeated. Deeks startled slightly and turned his gaze away from the memories of the place in front of him. "You alright?" Sam asked, slight concern in his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm—I'm fine," Deeks said, attempting to shake it off. Sam's eyes narrowed, and Deeks could tell he didn't believe him. He sighed. "It's just, uh… I—I know this place."

"You know this place?" Callen asked, sounding surprised.

Deeks looked up at the ceiling of the Challenger, wishing like hell that he'd just made Kensi stay in bed with him all day.

"Yeah, uh, people… people know me here," he said, avoiding both senior agents' confused stares.

"As Max?" Callen asked.

_I wish,_ Deeks thought wryly.

"No," he said out loud. He exhaled slowly and looked at his team leader. "As Martin Brandel."

"Wait," Callen said, not completely understanding, "you mean…?"

"Yeah," Deeks said. He shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, but he knew that it _was_. "This was my old man's favorite dive bar. Most of the people are regulars—they come in every day, and they never move on. It's been… almost 20 years, but I'd guess some of them will still recognize me."

"When did you become… Deeks?" Callen asked. Deeks was silently grateful for his quiet understanding.

"The day I turned eighteen," he said. "Look, we can't go in there, badges flashing. No one'll say a word, and we'll be back to square one. But I can go in there—"

"You know we're not letting you go in there alone," Callen interrupted, shaking his head. Deeks sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Yes you are," Deeks argued, meeting Callen's hard stare. Deeks fought to keep the emotion out of his voice as he reasoned logically, "This is a community bar. Strangers don't just drop in—it doesn't work that way. I'm not a stranger, so I can go in. I might be able to get the information we need."

"And what about Kensi?" Sam asked, suddenly entering the conversation. Deeks turned to him with a confused look.

_She's at the mission…_

"What _about_ Kensi?" he asked. "She's at the mission, and—"

"And you seriously think she'd be okay with you heading in there on your own? Or that she'd let us live if she found out we _let_ you?" Sam shook his head. "_Hell_ no."

"Look, I'm not going in there without backup," Deeks said, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "I'll wear my coms, and you guys will be right outside. I'll carry my gun. Seriously, nothing's gonna happen. In and out. Simple."

"When is it _ever_ simple?" Sam asked, but Deeks could see that Callen was already weakening.

* * *

><p><em><strong>"You're taking the wrath of Kensi for this one, Deeks," <strong>_Sam's voice said over the coms as Deeks walked across the street. Deeks smirked.

"Yeah, like any of us can hide from the wrath of a seriously pissed off Bad-Ass Blye," he said. "It'll be fine, guys."

_**"You're probably the only one she'd actually let survive, so forgive me for not believing you," **_Sam chuckled softly. Deeks shook his head, opened the door, and stepped inside the bar.

"Well would you look at what the cat dragged in!" a vaguely familiar voice called as Deeks's eyes adjusted to the low lighting. "If it ain't the little Brandel brat. What's it been, son?"

"About twenty years," Deeks said, too easily slipping into his Max Gentry character. He took another step into the bar, and he could finally see his surroundings. The bar was just as he remembered it from his childhood—dimly lit, smoky, with an unidentified, putrid smell hanging in the air.

"It's like looking at a damn ghost," the man said. "You look exactly like yer old man. Except with shaggy, unkept hair."

It took all of Deeks's willpower to keep from bristling at the man's words.

_You are nothing like him,_ he reminded himself. But as he felt himself slip more into his Max-facade, he wasn't so sure.

_**"Don't let him get inside your head, Deeks," **_Sam's voice came in through his coms. _**"You're nothing like him. You got this."**_

The man at the bar was probably around the same age Deeks's father would be, but he looked a lot older. His skin was wrinkled and his hair was white. Something about the man set off warning bells in Deeks's head.

"I know you," Deeks said. It didn't come off as a question, but the man still answered it.

"You do," he confirmed, nodding his head. "I taught you a lesson or two for your dad back in the day." And suddenly, Deeks remembered him. _Howard Comings. _An old friend of Gordon's. Deeks clenched his jaw against the memories, ignoring the twinge of pain the motion still caused. "So, to what do we owe the honor of your presence, Brandel?"

"I'm looking for James Ortega," Deeks said, playing it off with a casualness he didn't feel. "You seen him around?"

"Why you askin'?" Howard demanded.

"I got business with him," Deeks said vaguely.

"What kinda business?"

"The kind that's none of _your_ damn business, Howard," Deeks responded sharply.

_**"Deeks,"**_ Callen's warning tone came over the line, but Deeks ignored it. He knew how to act in these situations, and he knew he was on the right track when the man at the bar finally laughed.

"Martha! Get this man a drink." Howard shoved another man—who was half-way unconscious already—off the barstool next to him. "Have a seat, kid."

Deeks gritted his teeth and sat beside Howard as Martha placed a beer in front of him.

"This got something to do with Ray?" the man asked. Deeks didn't let his surprise show.

"Maybe. Why'd you ask?"

"Eh, he and James ran in the same… _crowd_ awhile ago," Howard said, waving his hand around. "They used to hang out here, all buddy-buddy. But then, after the… new bosses came around, Ray left. Haven't heard from him. Have you?"

Deeks pushed away the ignored drink that Martha had placed in front of him. He grabbed a napkin and wrote Max Gentry's phone number on it, thankful that he had an excuse to leave.

"If you see James, tell him a friend of Ray's has got some news for him. Here's a number he can contact me at." Deeks handed him the napkin and stood up.

"You heading out already? C'mon, at least have one drink. Your old man wouldn't'a left without a drink or two."

_And don't I know it,_ Deeks thought to himself.

Out loud, he said, "I'm not my old man, but thanks anyways."

With that, he turned and walked out the door, careful to keep the Max Gentry mask on his face as he headed straight back to the Challenger. He opened the passenger's door—thankfully Callen had already slid into the back seat—and got in.

"Drive," he commanded Sam. Sam didn't question him. He just revved the engine and took off. It wasn't until they were on the freeway that anyone spoke.

"You alright?" Callen asked from the back seat.

"Fine," Deeks answered, still using his Max-voice. He winced slightly at Sam and Callen's looks. "I'm fine," he repeated in his normal voice. "It wasn't a blast, but we got the information we needed. I should be hearing from him soon."

"Yeah, then what?" Sam asked. "You going undercover as yourself?"

Deeks sighed, "I sure as hell hope not."

* * *

><p>The rest of the drive passed in relative silence as Deeks contemplated what he was going to tell Kensi. On one hand, he didn't want her to worry—especially with the baby—but on the other hand, he knew he couldn't keep something like this from her. And more so, he didn't want to, because he knew it would only hurt her.<p>

When they walked into the mission, he immediately looked for Kensi, but he didn't see her.

_She's probably still at her psych eval,_ he reminded himself, slightly disappointed but mostly grateful. Sam and Callen headed up to OPS to fill in Eric and Nell, and Deeks took the opportunity to head to the gym. He needed some time to understand everything that was going through his mind.

_Maybe a few rounds with the punching bag will help me sort this all out._

He changed into his workout gear, wrapped his hands, and took his stance in front of the bag. Before long, his focus narrowed until it was just him and the bag. He hit a rhythm quickly and continued it, over and over again, until sweat began to form on his forehead and drip down into his eyes.

With every calculated swing, he imagined faces on the bag. Sometimes his father, sometimes Howard, sometimes Siderov, sometimes Max, sometimes Granger, sometimes even Hetty. He let out some of the anger he'd been keeping pent up for far too long, and it felt good.

After a long while, he grabbed the bag, stopping it's swinging. He leaned his head against it and just focused on breathing. In and out. Suddenly, he sensed that he wasn't alone. Turning around, he saw her, leaning against the climbing wall with a concerned expression on her beautiful face. He let out a breath and stepped toward her.

"Hey Kens," he said softly. "How was your eval?"

She looked at him incredulously. "Really? That's what you're leading with? _'How was your eval?'_ Are you serious?"

He laughed at her harsh tone. She was clearly worried.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I wasn't trying to avoid the obvious—" she snorted, and he laughed again, "—okay, maybe I _was_, a little, but I really am curious. How was the eval?"

"It was fine," she said, waving her hand as if it wasn't a big deal. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her choice of wording, and she rolled her eyes. "Seriously, I didn't do much of anything over there—nothing happened—so it was more a formality than anything."

"That's good, right?" he asked. She nodded. "So then you're cleared to be back? Fully?" She nodded again. "Did Sam and Callen bring you up to speed?"

"Just the basics," she said. "I wanted to hear the rest from you."

He just nodded, expecting that. Still, he wasn't sure where to begin.

"Maybe we should talk about this at home," she said, seeming to sense his hesitation. He smiled at her gratefully. She smiled back at him and pulled him into a hug. "I just want to listen."

He pulled back and looked into her beautiful, mismatched eyes. She looked up at him and smiled. Then her nose scrunched up adorably.

"You stink," she explained, but her arms stayed on his shoulders. He laughed. "Go take a shower."

He waggled his eyes at her suggestively. "Wanna join me?"

She blushed brilliant red, and scoffed. "Not at work, Deeks."

He just laughed and pulled away from her.

"Yeah, yeah… You say that now. We'll just see how long that lasts," he called over his shoulder before ducking into the men's locker room. He heard something hit the door behind him and he smirked.

* * *

><p>An hour later, freshly showered and clean smelling, Deeks sat on the couch with Kensi the way he had multiple times. This time—for obvious reasons—their usual beers were replaced with glasses of water.<p>

"So…" Kensi began hesitantly. "What happened today?"

Deeks let out a sigh, wishing for the thousandth time that he had never left the bed that morning.

"Look, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Kensi said, pulling away from him slightly. "I can just talk to Callen and Sam, and—"

"No," Deeks interrupted her. He pulled her close and settled her head against his chest, leaning his back against the corner of the couch. He wove his fingers into her hair. "No, I want to tell you. It's just… I've never really talked about it. Ever."

"Start from the beginning," she whispered softly. "I'll just listen." She nuzzled her face against his chest. "No matter what, I love you." She took his hand and placed it on her stomach, then placed both of her hands on top of his. She relaxed against him completely and waited patiently for him to speak.

Her gesture was exactly what he needed to be able to tell the story.

"When we got to the location, I realized it was the bar my… Gordon always went to drink. If he wasn't at home, you could always find him there. My mom used to send me out to look for him—to bring him home to us—like he was someone we'd want around," he said, shaking his head. He paused for a moment and moved his thumb over her exposed midsection.

"I'd use some of that time to study," he continued, knowing he was rambling and unable to stop. "I always knew where he was, so I'd sneak off with Ray to study for a few minutes before I would head to the bar. Sometimes I'd get a beating at the bar—with my dad's friends helping out—but most of the time he'd take me home first. When he took me home, it usually wasn't too bad, just some bruisings and such. He passed out before it went any farther. But when we stayed at the bar…" he trailed off, unable to find the words to describe what those beatings had been like. He felt Kensi nod against his chest and begin to pull back to look at him, but he tightened his grip on her. He couldn't look into her eyes. Not yet. He had to finish first.

"It was hard, walking in there today," he said after a long pause. "I saw Howard, Gordon's friend, and he said… he said I look exactly like him. But I…" he paused again, unwilling or unable to voice his deepest fear. Kensi pulled away slightly, and this time he couldn't hold her.

"You what, Deeks?" she prodded gently. She looked into his eyes, and the understanding he saw there was exhilarating.

"I don't want to be anything like him," he admitted in barely a whisper. Her eyes flashed in understanding, but he needed to continue. "You asked me once—when we were taking that _partner_ survey—" this got a smile out of her, "what my greatest fear was. I don't want to be anything like him. And now, especially now… I want to be a good dad. I want to be there for our little mutant ninja assassin. I want to be there for you."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thanks for reading! <em>**


	7. Is History

_**AN: Hey guys! Here I am, back with a new chapter :) This one was strange… I kept thinking, just one last scene, then I'm done… but it just kept going and going… so, longest chapter yet! (over 8,000 words!) **_

_**I completely forgot to put this in the last author's note, so here it is: Justareader07 had the brilliant idea for the best uncle debate! She inspired that! Thanks so much! :) **_

_**Also, thank you to Bamie02 for being so patient with me. (YOU ROCK FERN!) She read this over for me, and keeps me focused and accountable when I'm writing :) We hit over 1,000 messages! Can you saw best sounding-board EVER!?**_

_**Please, please, please (insert Deeks's puppy eyes here) review! They make my day :)**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>"… and you'd have been really impressed with him," Nell continued on her rant as she and Kensi walked back from their lunch break. "He used your urban tracking techniques—even talked about the <em>base line<em>—when Sam and Callen went off the grid with Lily. I really enjoyed working with him, you know? He managed to teach me things without making me feel stupid, and he listened to things I knew that he didn't. And, he made sure Eshan got to keep that suit and have his perfect date with his Madden-football-playing dream girl, and—"

"Nell, slow down!" Kensi finally cut in as they approached the mission. "You been spending too much time with Deeks, or something?"

She'd meant it as a joke, but when Nell stopped suddenly and turned towards her, Kensi could tell she was absolutely serious.

"It was really rough on him, Kens," Nell said, holding her gaze steadily. Kensi felt her heart clench in her chest at the thought of her Deeks, feeling the same feelings of loneliness that she'd felt. "He did a good job of covering it up, but..."

Kensi nodded, but she wished Nell would just stop. She really didn't want to think about it. She knew it was something she'd have to address with her partner at some point in the near future, but she didn't want to face it yet.

"I honestly didn't even realize how bad it was until Hetty put me out in the field with him," Nell continued. Kensi held back a sigh and just listened, resigned and slightly anxious to hear about Deeks's time without her. "But he was just… well, he was _nothing_ like you always told me he was like—he wasn't chatty or cheeky or flirtatious—and it was _Christmas_, and—oh god, I really _do_ sound like him! Huh."

Kensi laughed, appreciating Nell's attempt to lighten the mood.

"That's not a bad thing at all, Nell," Kensi told her as they finally walked into the mission. "Hell, over… there, I found myself sounding like him, too. And _I_ was the funniest one there."

Nell smiled knowingly back at her, and Kensi felt relieved.

"So what do you and Eric have going on up in OPS today?" Kensi asked, shifting the subject as there were more ears to overhear inside the OSP building.

"A few open cases," Nell replied, easily allowing the subject change. "When's your eval?"

Kensi groaned and looked down at her watch. "About now, actually."

Nell laughed.

"Don't sound so enthused, Kens," a familiar voice called from Kensi's left. "I might think you're not excited to talk to me."

Nate!" Kensi exclaimed, spinning around to face him. "What're you doing here?"

"I've been temporarily reassigned," Nate said. Kensi grimaced at his wording, but she still managed a genuine smile.

"That's great! It'll be nice to have you hanging around the mission again," she said, genuinely glad to have him back.

"Well, I don't know about just handing around the mission," Nate said with a mysterious smile, "but it'll be good to be home for a bit." Kensi furrowed her brows at his slightly mysterious response, but Nate continued before she had a chance to question him. "Shall we?"

_Best to get it over with,_ Kensi thought to herself. She nodded and followed Nate into a secluded room. She couldn't help but wish Deeks had been back. She'd give almost anything for his comforting touch.

"So, how have you been, Kensi?" Nate asked as they settled onto comfortable chairs.

"You mean how am I dealing with my time in Afghanistan?" she asked him with a smirk. Nate laughed.

"Blunt as always," he said with a smile. "Alright. Why don't you tell me about your mission."

Kensi just shrugged.

"I honestly don't know much about it," she said. "When I got there, everyone was closed off. _No one_ had _any_ sense of humor—seriously, I was the funniest one there. It was awful."

"I bet," Nate said, laughing.

"I waited a few days before Granger arrived and told me what my mission was," Kensi continued. "I was brought in as a sniper to take out an American terrorist known as the White Ghost. The task force is tracking him, and I was supposed to take the shot when the opportunity arose."

"And how did you feel about that?" Nate asked her when she didn't continue. "What was it like, taking out an American citizen?"

Kensi just shrugged again.

"I wouldn't know," she said. Nate's brow furrowed in confusion. "I didn't take the shot," she explained. "I came home before the mission was complete."

In all the years she'd worked with Nate, Kensi had never seen him show much emotion, but even he couldn't hide his surprise. She was confused.

_Did he think I'd stay and put my child in harm's way? _

"You… left without completing the mission?" he asked. And it suddenly clicked in Kensi's mind.

_He doesn't know about the baby,_ she realized. She felt a small smile cross her face as she took in the opportunity before her. _Oh, this is great! _

"Yep," she said, using all her training and strength to keep a straight face. "I just left. They can figure it out."

Nate looked like he had no idea what to say, so Kensi finally took pity on him.

"Seriously Nate," she said, finally allowing herself to laugh, "how well do you know me? You know I wouldn't leave a mission for no reason."

"Yeah," Nate said, sounding relieved. "But, uh, unfortunately, Hetty didn't feel it necessary to inform me of that reason prior to our meeting, so perhaps you could enlighten me?"

"I… I'm, uh… I—" _Why is this so hard?! Just say it. _"I'm, uh, I'm pregnant."

Nate's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. Okay. I can honestly admit—as your friend—that I did not see that one coming."

Kensi let out a small laugh and placed her hand on her stomach discretely.

"Yeah," she said, shaking her head and smiling softly, "we didn't, either. But it's a good thing, Nate. A really good thing."

"We?" Nate asked. "So the father…?"

"Deeks," Kensi confirmed with a nod.

"Oh," Nate said, surprise clearly written across his features. "So you two are—"

"Yeah, we're together, Nate," Kensi said, attempting to stop the blush she felt coming on.

Nate let out a long breath before his face broke out into a grin.

"Well it's about damn time!" he exclaimed.

"Wha—what?" Kensi spluttered. "How could you… I mean, were we that… um, that obvious the whole time?"

"Oh, come on Kensi," he said with a patronizing smile, "You could cut the sexual tension with a damn butter knife!" Kensi couldn't help but blush at his comment. She began to stutter a protest, but he interrupted her. "I'm kidding Kensi—well, mostly… kinda. I'm a psychologist. It's my job to pick up on those kind of things. So," he said, leaning back in his chair, "is this a new development, or something that's been going on for awhile?"

"Oh, um…" Kensi shifted in her chair and looked down at her shoes. "Yeah, it's… well it's… I guess you could say it's kinda, um, new."

"New as in…?" Nate prodded.

"New as in we've only been _together_-together for, um, two months, two weeks, and uh, three days…?"

"When were you sent to Afghanistan?" Nate wondered.

"Two months, two weeks, and two days ago."

Nate's eyes widened. "And how far along are you, exactly?" Nate asked.

"Ummm, well, uh, two months," Kensi said, blushing, "two weeks, and three, uh, days." Nate's expression stayed firmly curious, but Kensi couldn't help but feel the need to explain. And when the floodgates opened, she couldn't stop. "Well, there was… I mean, it was only one time—well, technically three—but it was that one night, and then I was, uh, sent to Afghanistan the next day."

"And how did… _it_ happen, exactly?" Nate asked. Kensi raised her eyebrows at his question, and Nate had the good grace to blush slightly at his unintentional insinuation. "I mean, what happened that led you both to acknowledging your feelings for each other and… acting on them?"

"Rehab," Kensi said with a laugh. Nate looked slightly confused, so she explained, "We went undercover in a rehab facility. Hetty sent me in as a nutritionist and Deeks was a sex addict."

Nate laughed, "I bet that was entertaining."

"Oh, you have no idea," Kensi said, shaking her head. She closed her eyes, and she was suddenly back in that day. When she spoke, it was unconsciously. "That night, he asked me if I was hungry. Tacos or something… I walked out with him, and he took us to some fancy restaurant. I was uncomfortable because I knew it meant something. But we still hadn't talked about that kiss, and I was just so damn scared, so I… I yelled at him."

She felt a tear escape her eye as she recalled his face as she'd accused him of never saying what he meant. For the first time, she analyzed the look that had appeared in his eyes before his outburst.

_He looked so hurt,_ she realized, and she felt her heart clench painfully in her chest. _How did I not see that before?_

"Kensi?"

"I—I accused him of never saying what he meant. Even though he… he kissed me outside Siderov's house, and I ran away. And then, after we'd finally wrapped up that dammed case, he told me… and I just… oh god, _for whatever it's worth_… I—" she was shaking, holding back the tidal wave of guilt that was threatening to drown her. "No wonder he thinks I don't care. Why does he put up with me? He's going to realize that I'm not worth it, and then he's going to leave—just like everyone else—except I won't be able to actually _blame_ him, because I messed up, not him. And—"

"Kens," Nate cut in. "You know he's not like… the others. You know that, right?"

Kensi took a deep breath and forced her logical mind to take back control over her emotions.

"Yeah Nate," she said. She nodded. _We're past that. He said he loves you. _"I do. I think this baby is already making me crazy." She wiped away a tear to prove her point.

"You know, I heard a quote once," Nate interrupted her. Kensi looked up at him expectantly. "'The past is history, the future is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.'"

Kensi was silent for a moment before bursting out in laughter. She clutched her stomach and doubled over, but it felt good to really laugh.

"That has got to be the cheesiest thing I've ever heard, Nate!" she gasped out when she could breathe. "And I've spent the majority of the last four and a half years with Deeks, so that's saying something."

"I know," he said with a grin. "But it's true. Think of it like this: you can't do anything about the mistakes either of you made in the past—and I think Deeks would be the first to tell you that it wasn't just you, Kens. And there's no use worrying about the future, either. You just have to face each day as it comes at you."

Kensi nodded. "I think… I think we can do that. Together."

* * *

><p>Kensi walked out of her meeting with Nate feeling a little lighter than she had before she'd talked to him.<p>

_Nate always was good at getting us to open up_, she thought wryly as she headed back out to the bull pen. _He had me spilling my guts before I even realized what I was doing._

She would have felt ashamed if she didn't feel better.

Kensi strode into the bull pen, smiling, and was greeted with Sam and Callen hunched over documents on their desk.

"Hey guys," Kensi greeted. She didn't wait for them to respond. "Where's Deeks?"

Sam looked up at her, his eyes tight with concern, and Kensi felt her lightness begin to evaporate.

_He's fine,_ she assured herself. _The guys wouldn't be sitting around here if he was hurt. You can't freak out every time he's not around. _

"Where is Deeks?" Kensi repeated when neither of the senior agents answered her first question.

"I think he's in the gym," Sam said slowly. Kensi felt confusion wash over her. "Working out some anger at the punching bag."

"What happened?" Kensi asked, immediately concerned for her partner. When neither man answered right away, she shook her head and moved toward the gym.

"Hang on just a second, Kens," Sam said, stepping in front of her. Kensi narrowed her eyes dangerously at him.

"I may be pregnant, Sam," she said in a deadly quiet tone, "but I can still kick your ass. Now move."

"Look, I'm not stopping you," Sam said, holding up his hands and wisely taking a step back. "I'm just saying… maybe you should give him a minute. I know he'll need to tell you the details, but we can tell you what we know. So you're prepared."

"Alright," Kensi said, crossing her arms across her chest. "Talk."

"Don't you want to, um, sit down, or something?" Sam asked. Kensi's eyes just narrowed even further.

"I'm pregnant, Sam," she said stiffly. "Not an invalid. _Talk_."

"Okay, okay," Sam said. "Sheesh. We went to a bar."

Kensi waited for him to continue, but he didn't seem to know how to say what he was trying to say.

"You went to a bar…?" she prompted, but still, neither man offered anything else. "God, that's like the beginning to a bad joke. If you two aren't going to tell me, I'll just go find my partner."

"It was the bar that Deeks's dad frequented," Callen said with a sigh, finally entering the conversation. Kensi gasped and spun around to face him. "We were there looking for James Ortega, a known associate of the Los Demonios del Loco—the Crazy Demons. Los Demonios has suspected ties to drug running, human trafficking, and of course, drugs. And recently, there was evidence of their involvement of a Navy officer's death. It's beginning to look like the cartel is aligning itself with a terrorist organization, but we're still unsure of the details."

Kensi just nodded, trying to absorb all the details. At the moment, however, the case wasn't what mattered the most to her.

"And—and Deeks?" she asked. She couldn't shake the feeling that it was more than just his dad's bar.

Callen sighed and looked over to Sam for help. Kensi shifted her gaze to the ex-Navy SEAL.

"Deeks came up with a plan to get the information that we needed—and it worked," he assured her, "—but it required Deeks to go in. As, well, um…"

"Not… not Max?" she pleaded. "Please, not… not Max?"

_He hates that Max,_ she thought to herself. _It's such a dark place for him, and he doesn't need that. Not now. Not with… everything._

She brought her hand to her stomach, breathing in and out to keep herself calm.

"No," Sam said, shaking his head. He sighed again. "Not as Max." Kensi felt a wave of relief, but it was short-lived. "As Martin Brandel."

* * *

><p><em>Martin Brandel.<em>

The name was playing over and over in her mind, but she was unable to really grasp it. She couldn't imagine Deeks—_her_ Deeks—being someone else. For real, not undercover. But she pushed all that aside. She'd once told Monica—another moment that she hated to have to think about—that she didn't care about his past. She trusted the man he was now, and that was all that mattered to her.

_"So… I got Max Gentry, but you get the real deal. How's that?"_

_"Deeks is my partner."_

_"That's it?"_

_"It's enough."_

_"Is it? You know you can't trust him."_

_"I trust him with everything."_

_You trust the man he is now,_ she thought firmly. _And that's still all that matters. _

She entered the gym and saw her partner, laser focused on the bag. She couldn't help but flash back to the last time she'd seen him in a similar position—after he'd been fake fired—and the painful emotions she'd experienced that day. And she remembered—in hindsight—the look of pain that hid just under his impenetrable mask at that moment. She should've known, but then again, maybe she hadn't known him well enough by that point. Not like she did now, at the very least.

She silently walked into the room and leaned against the rock wall to watch him. He continued hitting the bag for a few more minutes before he grabbed it. He stilled the bag and leaned his head against it. He stood there for a long moment, just breathing in and out. She shifted slightly, letting him know she was there.

He tensed and turned around, but his expression cleared when he saw her.

"Hey Kens," he said softly, still breathing hard. "How was your eval?"

She couldn't believe the words she was hearing.

_How was my _eval_? Is he _kidding _me? He's got to be kidding me. _

She shot him an incredulous look. "Really? That's what you're leading with? _'How was your eval?'_ Are you serious?"

He laughed, but the sound was off. It only increased her worry.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I wasn't trying to avoid the obvious—" she snorted in disbelief, and he laughed again, sounding slightly more like himself "—okay, maybe I _was_, a little, but I really am curious. How was the eval?"

"It was fine," she said distractedly. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her choice of wording, and she rolled her eyes, correctly reading his thoughts. "Seriously, I didn't do much of anything over there—nothing happened—so it was more a formality than anything."

She held back from mentioning her minor freak out moment. They could talk about that later.

"That's good, right?" he asked. She nodded. "So then you're cleared to be back? Fully?" She nodded again. "Did Sam and Callen bring you up to speed?"

"Just the basics," she said, taking a step towards him discretely. "I wanted to hear the rest from you."

He just nodded, not looking surprised, but he still hesitated, as if he wasn't sure where to begin.

"Maybe we should talk about this at home," she said, understanding his reluctance to open up at work. He smiled at her gratefully. She smiled back at him, and she finally couldn't take it anymore. She pulled him into a hug. "I just want to listen," she whispered into his ear. She smiled as he shivered slightly.

He pulled back and looked down at her. She stared back into his ocean-blue eyes, saying more with her steady gaze than she ever could with her words.

_I hope our son gets his eyes, _she thought. She began to blush—a phenomena that had been happening much too often lately—so she scrunched up her nose to cover it up.

"You stink," she explained, but her arms stayed on his shoulders. He laughed. "Go take a shower."

He waggled his eyes at her suggestively. "Wanna join me?"

This time she couldn't stop the blush his words caused. She scoffed in a lame attempt to cover it up. "Not at work, Deeks."

He just laughed and pulled away from her.

"Yeah, yeah… You say that now. We'll just see how long that lasts," he called over his shoulder before ducking into the men's locker room.

She could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, so she played along, taking off her shoe and tossing it at the door. His answering laugh eased her mind.

_We're going to be okay,_ she told herself sternly. _The past is history, and today is a gift. _

* * *

><p>An hour later she was sitting on the couch. Kensi held back a yawn, wishing for the millionth time that she could have a cup of coffee. Deeks sat down beside her silently.<p>

"So…" Kensi began hesitantly. "What happened today?"

Deeks let out a sigh and ran his fingers unconsciously through his hair. Kensi could literally see his unease, and all she wanted was to make it go away—especially after the day she knew he'd just had.

"Look, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Kensi said, pulling away from him slightly. "I can just talk to Callen and Sam, and—"

"No," Deeks interrupted her. He pulled her close and settled her head against his chest, leaning his back against the corner of the couch. He wove his fingers into her hair. "No, I want to tell you. It's just… I've never really talked about it. Ever."

"Start from the beginning," she whispered softly. "I'll just listen." She nuzzled her face against his chest. "No matter what, I love you." She took his hand and placed it on her stomach, then placed both of her hands on top of his. She relaxed against him completely and waited patiently for him to speak.

She waited for a long moment, holding her breath and wondering if she'd made the right move. Then he began to speak.

"When we got to the location, I realized it was the bar my… Gordon always went to drink. If he wasn't at home, you could always find him there. My mom used to send me out to look for him—to bring him home to us—like he was someone we'd want around," he said, shaking his head. His thumb began to unconsciously caress her stomach, and she felt a flutter inside her. She just squeezed his hand and waited for him to continue.

"I'd use some of that time to study," he continued, his words tumbling out almost on top of each other. "I always knew where he was, so I'd sneak off with Ray to study for a few minutes before I would head to the bar. Sometimes I'd get a beating at the bar—with my dad's friends helping out—but most of the time he'd take me home first. When he took me home, it usually wasn't too bad, just some bruisings and such. He passed out before it went any farther. But when we stayed at the bar…" he trailed off, but she knew enough about his childhood to fill in the gaps.

She pulled back, desperately needing to look into his eyes—desperately wishing she could take away the pain she knew she'd find there—but he tightened his grip on her. For a moment, she felt a slight sting of rejection, but with the way he was holding onto her, she realized that he just couldn't look into her eyes. Not yet. He had to finish what he was trying to say first.

"It was hard, walking in there today," he said after a long pause. "I saw Howard, Gordon's friend, and he said… he said I look exactly like him. But I…" he paused again, unwilling or unable to voice his deepest fear. Kensi pulled back again, and this time he didn't try to hold her back.

"You what, Deeks?" she prodded gently. She looked into his eyes, using their silent communication to tell him that she understood everything he was trying to voice, and she'd always be there to understand it, even if she hadn't lived it with him.

"I don't want to be anything like him," he admitted in barely a whisper. Her heart clenched at his words.

_You're nothing like him! _she desperately wanted to protest. _I've never met a man more completely opposite! _

But she knew, in that moment, that she needed to stay silent. He needed to finish and get it all out in the open between them.

"You asked me once—when we were taking that _partner_ survey—" she smiled because he so obviously wanted her to—and because she remembered the way he'd grinned and his eyes had sparkled when he'd realized she'd made him take a marriage quiz with her, "what my greatest fear was." She nodded, waiting for him to continue, even as the memory hit her.

_"What's your greatest fear?"_

_"Quicksand. No, headhunters, actually… headhunters, and being buried up to my neck in an anthill… which head hunters do…"_

_"So basically anything in a Tarzan movie."_

_"Pretty much." _

"I don't want to be anything like him," he finally admitted. "And now, especially now… I want to be a good dad. I want to be there for our little mutant ninja assassin. I want to be there for you."

He sighed and pulled her close again, his hands resting over her stomach protectively. She just waited silently, sensing that he still wasn't finished yet.

"I know it's irrational," he said after a long pause, "but it still… haunts me. It always has—even when I was joking about it, it was in the back of my mind—but now that it's a _reality_… Nothing will ever hurt our son, Kensi. Especially not me."

Kensi pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"And that, right there, is why you are going to be the best father in the whole wide world," she said softly. His brow immediately furrowed in confusion, but she hurried to explain before he could protest again. "Look, you grew up with a model of what not to be—both as a father and as a man. And look at the man you've turned out to be, Deeks. You are loyal, and you're the kindest, funniest person I know—and if you repeat that in front of the guys, you'll be sleeping on the couch for eternity—" this got a real laugh out of him, "and you're one of the good guys."

He shook his head, but again she pushed on. "You've had to do things undercover—we all have—but you decided to be this Deeks, the good Deeks. _My Deeks_."

She ran her hand along the stubble of his jaw and pulled him close for a kiss. There was no lust or passion or desire in this kiss. It was trust, plain and simple. When she pulled back she looked into his eyes.

"You will be amazing, Deeks. You're the one who's great with kids, remember? I mean, if we should worry about anyone here, it'd be me." And he smiled, so she figured he did, in fact, remember that particular conversation. "And you're not in this alone. I may not be Miss Domestic, but I am your partner—in _everything_. So we will change diapers and rock to sleep and kiss boo-boos and teach him right from wrong, and we'll do all of that _together_. We'll face all our doubts together."

He nodded, and his bright blue eyes glistened with so many emotions. She didn't have anymore words, so she simply reverted to their standard form of communication. She pulled his face down to hers. This time, the kiss was passion and love and trust and heat and promise all rolled up into one.

When they finally pulled apart, his face broke out into that mischievous grin that she secretly loved. She could see that most of the tension and doubt had been eased away with her words, and she felt her own heart lighten slightly.

"Did Bad-Ass Blye really just say _'boo-boos'_?" he asked in a mockingly incredulous tone.

She tried to glare at him, but she couldn't stop the laugh that escaped from her lips.

"Just shut up and kiss me, Deeks," she demanded, still laughing. He smiled and quickly closed the distance between their lips, but he couldn't resist having the last word.

"You got it, _Boo_."

* * *

><p>Waking up in her partner's strong arms was easily becoming her favorite thing in the world. It felt so natural, like it was something that had been happening for years instead of only three or four times.<p>

If she really thought about it, though, this _was_ something that had been happening for years. It wasn't unusual to find them so tangled up in each other after falling asleep during partner-bonding movie nights. The lack of clothing, however, was a very new and, in Kensi's mind, _welcome_ addition.

As she opened her eyes, she became aware of his hand moving back and forth over her stomach as he held her against his chest. She closed her eyes for a moment and just cherished the feeling. Then she rolled around in his arms and kissed him good morning.

"Mmm… morning," she mumbled against his lips.

"Good morning, Sunshine," he said with a smile, sounding much too awake. She groaned.

"How long have you been up?"

He smirked and pulled her closer. "Only a little while."

She didn't believe him—he'd obviously been up and watching her sleep for awhile—but she didn't call him out on it. Instead she just snuggled deeper into his comforting embrace. It was amazing to her how he calmed her in such subtle ways.

"As much as I'd love to stay in bed all day," he said after a long moment of holding her close, "why don't we head down to the beach for awhile? We can take Monty and walk along the beach…" she smiled and nodded her head eagerly. She really had missed LA. "And we can get you some decaf coffee."

"_Deeks_," she said, a note of warning clear in her tone.

"I know, I know," he said, leaning back and holding up his hands. "And I know I'm pretty much risking any future children," he continued, and she blushed, "but you really shouldn't have caffeine. At least not until we talk to the doctor. But I can promise you this: whatever you have to give up, I have to give up."

And really, how could she stay annoyed with him after that?

"You're right," she sighed. His face broke out into a grin.

"I'm sorry, can I get confirmation that I just heard that?" he teased. She giggled.

"Don't get used to it," she said, shaking her head and turning away to hide her grin. "It won't be happening very often."

He just laughed, and rolled out of bed. They both pulled on some clothes and brushed their teeth. She couldn't help but notice that he left the bathroom to brush his teeth. She wasn't sure if it was intentional or not, but she decided that now was not the time to ask him about it.

She grabbed Monty's leash and called to him.

* * *

><p>Fifteen minutes later, thanks to Deeks's apartment's proximity to the beach, they were walking hand-in-hand along the beach. It was still rather early, and the sun was just coming up over the water. He held her hand in one of his, and his free hand held Monty's unclipped leash and his shoes. She held her shoes in her free hand as well. Monty ran ahead of them, chasing seagulls and playing in the surf around the nearly empty beach.<p>

As she looked out across the beach—the same place she'd come to read her father's sniper journal—Kensi couldn't help but think about her own mom, and the difficulties that they'd had.

_What if I turn out exactly like her? Our son doesn't deserve that. And Deeks… _

"You're going to be an amazing mom," Deeks said, breaking the comfortable silence and interrupting.

"How did you know…?" she turned to him, wondering how he could've possibly known what she was thinking. He just shrugged, and she realized that he didn't realize how big of a deal it was. To him, it wasn't hard because he just knew her.

"It just figures that if I'm not my dad, then you're not your mom. We're just Kensi and Deeks—Fern and Max—just a man and a woman in love."

She wanted to believe him more than anything—she really did—but she still couldn't help the small doubt that lingered in the back of her mind.

"It doesn't matter, because you're not going to run away from me, right?" She nodded and he smiled. "And even if you did," he continued, "I'd chase you down anywhere and make you let me in."

She smiled, but she couldn't help but these him.

"Those are some pretty confident words, Detective," she said with a smirk. His eyes beamed down at her in pride, but he managed a somewhat-nonchalant shrug.

"Eh, I have it on good authority that you like me," he said, his eyes twinkling mischievously. She stopped and faced him, her expression turning serious.

"I _love_ you, Deeks," she corrected sternly. His stopped, and his eyes widened in amazement.

"I love you too, Kens," he said leaning down to kiss her softly. "Love you too."

"Hmm… speaking of mothers," Deeks said, pulling back. He didn't continue. He just looked at her expectantly.

"Have you told your mom that you're back?" he finally asked.

Kensi furrowed her brows. "No," she said, shaking her head. "I—I've been with you the whole time I've been home." He smirked at that, and she blushed again.

He laughed, "Are you—"

"Don't finish that thought, Deeks," Kensi interrupted, narrowing her eyes at him. "I'm pregnant." He just laughed harder.

"Is that going to be your excuse for everything from now on?" he asked her, attempting to stifle his laughter.

"Yes," she said shortly, playfully glaring up at him. His laugh died down to a chuckle and he shook his head.

"It's valid," he said simply. She grinned up at him, completely dropping any pretense of being annoyed at him. "Maybe you should," he said after a slight pause.

"Call my mom?" she wondered aloud. He just nodded, staying silent and letting her consider it.

_But what would I tell her? _she wondered to herself. _How can I explain… everything? _

"Does she even know—?" but she couldn't make herself finish the thought.

"Yeah, I uh… I might've called and stopped by. She was calling your house, and—"

"How did you know she was calling my house?" she wondered aloud. This time it was Deeks who blushed. "What's this? Is the great Marty Deeks… _blushing_?"

He looked down and shuffled his feet, mumbling something incoherent. She reveled in his discomfort for a moment before he recollected himself.

"Look, it just started as checking in on your apartment. I know how bad you are about leaving things plugged in, and I didn't want you to come back to a huge electric bill, or anything. And then I just… I couldn't go back to my apartment. Not—not right away. Not after…. And, well, then your mom started to call around Christmas, and I knew she'd get the wrong idea if you didn't answer—which you _couldn't_—and then she called _me_, so I just answered her to let her know, and then she invited me for Christmas, but then we had that case with the Senator's daughter, and I didn't think you'd want me to go, because, well, I wasn't sure what we… were, exactly, you know? And I didn't want to over step—"

"Deeks?" she finally cut in, taking pity on him.

"Hmm, yeah?"

"You're babbling." He chuckled, and she smiled at him. "It's kinda adorable," she said with a slight smirk.

"Good to know," he said, giving her a real, soft smile. "Good. To. Know."

She smiled. "You're right," she said.

"Twice in one day?" he teased her. "What, is it my birthday again already?"

"Not that I'm aware of," she responded dryly. He raised his eyebrows, but she held up her hand to ward off any comment about his last, forgotten birthday. She shook her head in amusement, then turned serious. "I suppose I should call my mom. And maybe… maybe we could have dinner with her tonight? And, uh, tell her about… everything?"

"That sounds perfect, Fern," he said, entwining their fingers together.

* * *

><p>"I'll call mom while you shower," she said awhile later when they walked back into his apartment. He didn't respond, just leaned in, kissed her, and walked to the bathroom. She appreciated his understanding of her need to do this herself and his silent support.<p>

A few minutes later, she heard the shower turn on, and she was still staring at her phone.

_C'mon, Kensi. You can do this. _

She didn't give herself anymore time to psych herself out of it. She just picked up her cell phone and dialed her mom's number.

"_Kensi_?" she answered on the first ring. "Kensi? Is it you?"

Kensi blinked back the tears she suddenly felt welling up in her eyes.

"Yeah mom," she said. "It's me."

"You're back!" Julia exclaimed excitedly.

"Yeah mom," she said, keeping her voice even. "I'm back."

"Are you—are you okay? Is everything alright? Marty hasn't called me for a few days, and I was starting to worry that—"

"How often has Deeks been calling you?" Kensi interrupted her mother, suddenly very curious.

"Look, Kensi," her mom said with a sigh, "he was just worried. And he missed you. Have you been to see him yet?"

Even though her mom couldn't see it, she still fought the blush she felt coming.

"Yeah, mom," she said. "Actually, I was calling to see if you wanted to meet us for dinner tonight?"

"Us?" her mom asked, clearly surprised. "Us, as in…?"

"Us as in me and Deeks," Kensi clarified with a smile. Julia was silent for a long moment, and Kensi held her breath. Then her mom let out a laugh, and Kensi let out her breath in relief.

"It's about time," she said. "You tell me when and where and I'll be there."

* * *

><p>"Kensi Blye?" the nurse called out, startling Kensi out of her thoughts. She reached over blindly, searching for Deeks's hand. She found it and looked up at him. He was standing in front of her, and he gently pulled her to her feet.<p>

"You ready, Fern?" he asked quietly. She could see the anxiety still present in his eyes, even after their conversation from the night before. She nodded, determined to push her doubts away and make this a positive experience for him.

"Let's do this."

His smile widened as he understood the double meaning to her words. He leaned in and gave her a chaste peck on the lips.

"Let's do this, Fern."

They followed the nurse back to a room that was horribly decorated in pastels, with pictures of fetal development plastered on the walls. She took Kensi's vitals, asked general health questions, and exited the room, telling them the doctor would be with them soon.

Kensi glanced at the posters covering the walls in disgust, and she looked over at Deeks, waiting for him to make a sarcastic comment. Her partner, however, was engrossed in reading a pamphlet. She couldn't make out the whole title, but it looked like something about an expectant mother's diet.

His brow was furrowed, and his eyes were narrowed in concentration. She couldn't help but think of him in law school, studying like that for his exams. Sometimes it was so easy to forget his past achievements.

"You know there's not going to be a test, Counselor ," she teased him, bumping his shoulder with hers. That snapped him out of it, and he turned to face her.

"Yeah, I know," he said, giving her his most charming grin. She bit her tongue, knowing it would never do for him to see how much that smile affected her. "But I really want to know everything I can."

He turned back to the pamphlet, and she just shook her head, fighting back a laugh. She knew he was completely serious by the look in his eyes and the set of his jaw.

_His jaw… _

And then, he was just irresistible to her. It came over her suddenly—completely without warning—but she just needed to touch him. Acting on pure desire, she reached her hand out to touch his face. He turned toward her, and his expectant expression froze in place as she leaned forward and kissed him.

It took him a moment to respond, but when he did, he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. Kensi reached her hands up to cup his face, her fingers stroking his jaw back and forth.

Just as she was starting to feel some satisfaction, a knock on the door startled them apart. Deeks's eyes were wide, excited, and slightly confused.

"What was that for?" he whispered. Before she could respond, the knock sounded again, so she just smiled at him.

"Come in," she answered the knock.

A man in his early fifties entered the room in a white coat.

"Hello, Ms. Blye. My name is Dr. Smith," he reached out and shook her hand and then Deeks's hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's, uh, nice to meet you too, Dr. Smith," Kensi said, nervously returning his friendly smile. Deeks squeezed her hand reassuringly, and she felt herself calm down.

"So how far along are you thinking you are?" he asked, looking down at his clipboard.

"Two months, two weeks, and four days," Kensi answered, without having to think about it. Deeks looked over at her in surprise, and she looked down, blushing.

"Wow, that's very… specific. You are sure?" Dr. Smith asked, clearly surprised.

"Yes," Kensi said tersely. "Very."

"Alright. Can I… ask why you've waited so long to come in for a check up?" Dr. Smith asked, setting his clipboard aside. "You're almost through your first trimester."

"Well, uh, I was sent to Afg—overseas, and um…" Kensi stuttered, unsure of how to respond.

"Kensi was sent on an indefinite assignment at a new art museum in Afghanistan," Deeks cut in. Kensi sent him a grateful look. "It was sudden, and neither of us were expecting it."

Dr. Smith nodded in understanding.

"Okay. I understand that this was unexpected, am I correct?" he asked. Kensi nodded. "And when what the last date you took your prescription birth control?" he asked. Kensi's brow furrowed as she thought back.

_When was the last time? _she wondered to herself. She thought back to the nights they'd spent together—before the torture—when her dating had just slowly puttered out and then stopped completely. She thought back over the months that Deeks had been recovering from his torture, and the subsequent sleepless nights. She thought back over the time, after that one night of Yummy Yummy Heart Attack, when she'd stayed with him every night, even after he'd come back to work. And finally, she thought back over their non-date, and the night that had followed.

_Nope. No birth control since…_

"Ms. Blye?" Dr. Smith's voice startled her out of her thoughts.

"Um… probably not since, um… around, uh… maybe May? Of… of last year? Maybe?" Deeks turned to her, clearly surprised, and Kensi looked down at her lap, fiddling with her hands and trying to push down her blush. "Work was really busy, and then it got… um… _stressful_, and uh, my normal routines just kinda went out the window."

"Good," Dr. Smith said. "That's usually something we like to catch in the first month, or so. And it goes without saying that you won't start again until after the baby is born."

Kensi looked back up at the doctor and nodded.

"And have you had any alcohol consumption since you became pregnant?"

Kensi shook her head, grateful for the fact that she'd been able to protect her son in that way, at least. Dr. Smith nodded and jotted something down on his clipboard.

"And nutrition? You're looking a little malnourished."

"Oh, well I've been, uh, eating mostly MREs," Kensi responded without thinking. "I mean… uh, the museum over there buys… excess from the military, and, uh…"

_You are a damn good undercover agent_, she berated herself. _Why is it suddenly impossible to lie?_

"Henrietta Lang called to set up the appointment, Ms. Blye," Dr. Smith said with a knowing smile. "She and I have a… history together. I am very aware of your occupation."

Instead of being surprised—as she probably should've been—she was just relieved.

"Yeah. The MREs aren't exactly… the greatest meals. And the last few weeks, I've been feeling nauseous."

"Have you just been nauseous, or have you vomited?" he asked.

"Not until yesterday morning," she admitted. "But I haven't felt great for a few weeks."

"Alright, well, I'll write you a prescription for some pre-natal vitamins, along with some anti-nausea medication to help with the morning sickness. Only take that when you need it," he said, writing something out on a piece of paper.

Kensi nodded and accepted the doctor's note. As she looked down at the doctor's prescription, she couldn't help be become overwhelmed.

"Since you're almost at three months," Dr. Smith interrupted her thoughts, "we'll be able to hear the baby's heart beat. An ultrasound isn't really required, but given the amount of stress you've been under, I'd like to take a look at things. We won't be able to determine gender until the next appointment."

Kensi looked over at Deeks—grateful for the millionth time that they could communicate so throughly with only their eyes. She saw his quiet, almost enthusiastic agreement before he even really reacted.

He nodded at her, so she turned her smile to the doctor and nodded. He smiled back at her and helped her get set up. A few minutes later, a black and white image appeared on the ultrasound screen. As she looked over at the screen, she felt an overwhelming love that she'd never felt before in her life. She loved her that baby so very much, and she loved its father even more than she'd ever thought possible.

She looked over at Deeks, but he was staring up at the screen with a look of complete awe on his face. He must have sensed her gaze, because she turned to him. The moment their eyes met, they heard the life-changing sound of their baby's strong, steady heart beat, and they smiled.

_This is the future._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thanks for reading! Reviews make my day :)<em>**


	8. The Future

_**AN: I am so, so, so, SO sorry it has taken me so long to update. I don't have much time to write when I go home, and I went home over Spring Break, which got me totally off rhythm, and then it just wouldn't write itself. Rude, I know… I hope some of you are still with me :)**_

_**Thank you so much, Fern, for looking this over for me! (And those of you who are excited to see this update, she's the one to thank. Seriously.) I wouldn't make it without you :)**_

_**Please leave me a review, and let me know if you have ideas for where to take this from here :)**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>Deeks shifted in the stiff, uncomfortable chair, his left leg bouncing up and down. He fiddled with his hands, which were resting in his lap, and tried to push his doubts aside.<p>

_"And that, right there, is why you are going to be the best father in the whole wide world. Look, you grew up with a model of what not to be—both as a father and as a man. And look at the man you've turned out to be, Deeks. You are loyal, and you're the kindest, funniest person I know—and if you repeat that in front of the guys, you'll be sleeping on the couch for eternity—and you're one of the good guys." _

Kensi's words from the night before replayed over and over in his mind. He'd heard her loud and clear, and he knew she believed her words completely, but the doubt still lingered in his mind. He knew it would linger there until he was able to put Martin Brandel to rest for good, and he had a bad feeling that the road to that particular accomplishment would not be easy.

_Then again,_ he mused to himself, _nothing good ever is. _

"Kensi Blye?" the nurse called out, startling Deeks right out of his seat. Pushing back all his negative thoughts, he turned back to Kensi, and saw her reach blindly to where he'd been sitting beside her. It was time to focus on the joy of the moment. She looked up at him as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet.

"You ready, Fern?" he asked quietly. He did his best to push his doubts and fears to the side. This was a happy time—the moment they would finally see their baby—and he was determined to enjoy every second of it. Kensi looked up into his eyes and nodded, a determined glint in her eyes too.

"Let's do this," she said with a smile. He smiled back, hearing the double meaning to her words. He couldn't think of a proper response, so he leaned in and gave her a soft kiss—that had always worked better for them than words, anyways.

"Let's do this, Fern."

They followed the nurse back to a room that was horribly decorated in pastels, with pictures of fetal development plastered on the walls. She took Kensi's vitals, asked general health questions, and exited the room, telling them the doctor would be with them soon.

As soon as they entered the room, Deeks's eyes had been drawn to the display of pamphlets, and his thought from earlier to get some literature on pregnancy came back to him. He grabbed the first one he saw—appropriately titled _The Pregnancy Diet_—and started reading.

The pamphlet outlined the dos and don'ts for pregnant women. He nodded as he read about caffeine restrictions. He'd been right—caffeine wasn't healthy for the baby—but Kensi could still have it in moderation. That would be a fact he would keep to himself and use if/when a situation demanded it.

"You know there's not going to be a test, Counselor," Kensi's teasing voice interrupted his intense concentration. She bumped his shoulder with hers, and he looked over at her.

"Yeah, I know," he said, giving her his most charming grin. He noticed her blush, but after their conversation on the beach that morning, he decided to let it slide. "But I really want to know everything I can."

He turned back to the pamphlet, and he watched out of the corner of his eye as she shook her head, clearly fighting back a laugh.

_I wonder what kind of cravings she'll have?_ he wondered to himself as he turned back to reading. _It says here that they'll be unusual to the mother's normal diet… so will she be craving healthy things? _He smirked slightly at that thought. _No, that would just be strange. And she'd never—_

Kensi's hand was suddenly on his face, and he willingly turned toward her, mouth opened to question her. The question died on his lips, however, when he saw the hungry look in her eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him.

Kensi reached her hands up to cup his face, her fingers stroking his jaw back and forth. Just as he finally surrendered his confusion and kissed her back, a knock on the door startled them apart. Deeks just looked at Kensi—her hair mused and her lips slightly swollen—in confusion.

"What was that for?" he whispered. But before she could respond with more than a soft smile, the knock sounded again.

"Come in," she answered the knock.

Deeks looked up as a man in his early fifties entered the room. He was dressed in a white coat and had a stethoscope around his neck. Deeks ran his hand through his hair, trying simultaneously to straighten it and silently explain it's messiness.

"Hello, Ms. Blye. My name is Dr. Smith," he reached out and shook her hand and then Deeks's hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's, uh, nice to meet you too, Dr. Smith," Kensi said, nervously returning his friendly smile. Deeks squeezed her hand reassuringly, and her breathing evened out again. Deeks was thankful for their ability to communicate silently through only looks and small touches.

"So how far along are you thinking you are?" he asked, looking down at his clipboard.

"Two months, two weeks, and four days," Kensi answered immediately. Deeks couldn't help the surprise that showed on his face.

_She really remembers the exact night? _

He got a warm feeling at the thought, and a smile spread across his face as she ducked her head, trying and failing to hide her blush.

"Wow, that's very… specific. You are sure?" Dr. Smith asked, mirroring Deeks's surprise.

"Yes," Kensi said tersely. "Very."

"Alright. Can I… ask why you've waited so long to come in for a check up?" Dr. Smith asked, setting his clipboard aside. "You're almost through your first trimester."

"Well, uh, I was sent to Afg—overseas, and um…" Kensi stuttered, clearly unsure of how to respond.

"Kensi was sent on an indefinite assignment at a new art museum in Afghanistan," Deeks stepped in. Kensi sent him a grateful look. "It was sudden, and neither of us were expecting it."

Dr. Smith nodded in understanding.

"Okay. I understand that this was unexpected, am I correct?" he asked. Kensi nodded. "And when what the last date you took your prescription birth control?" he asked.

Deeks turned to Kensi, honestly curious about her answer. Kensi's brow furrowed as she became lost in thought.

"Ms. Blye?" Dr. Smith's caused Kensi to jump. Deeks felt a slight wave of confusion at the faraway look on Kensi's face.

"Um… probably not since, um… around, uh… maybe May? Of… of last year? Maybe?" Deeks didn't know what he'd been expecting her to say, but it certainly wasn't that. "Work was really busy, and then it got… um… _stressful_, and uh, my normal routines just kinda went out the window."

_All those late nights—spent semi-platonically on the couch—and then after… everything… and then… _

It meant the world to him that it hadn't been just him who'd stopped seeing anyone but her. It warmed his heart to realize that even when he'd hidden himself away, she'd waited for him. He looked over to Kensi, but she was looking down at her lap, fiddling with her hands and trying to disguise her blush.

"Good," Dr. Smith said. "That's usually something we like to catch in the first month, or so. And it goes without saying that you won't start again until after the baby is born."

Kensi looked back up at the doctor and nodded, but Deeks was still busy studying Kensi. The way she'd been blushing lately greatly amused him, and if this was indeed caused by pregnancy—as she'd vehemently claimed—then he wanted to enjoy every second of it. It wasn't often that even _he_ could get a real blush out of Bad Ass Blye.

"And have you had any alcohol consumption since you became pregnant?"

Kensi shook her head, a grateful look on her face that Deeks felt mirrored on his own face. Dr. Smith nodded and jotted something down on his clipboard.

"And nutrition? You're looking a little malnourished."

Deeks couldn't agree more.

"Oh, well I've been, uh, eating mostly MREs," Kensi responded without thinking. "I mean… uh, the museum over there buys… excess from the military, and, uh…"

He could tell she was beating herself up about her inability to lie, so he opened his mouth to step in. The doctor beat him to it.

"Henrietta Lang called to set up the appointment, Ms. Blye," Dr. Smith said with a knowing smile. "She and I have a… history together. I am very aware of your occupation."

Deeks really wasn't surprised.

_That's my boss,_ he thought with a smirk. _Besides, before I was _pretty_ sure she was the master of the universe. Now I'm certain. She must be._

"Yeah. The MREs aren't exactly… the greatest meals," Kensi said, sounding a lot like he did when he started babbling. "And the last few weeks, I've been feeling nauseous."

"Have you just been nauseous, or have you vomited?" Dr. Smith asked, effectively and discretely cutting off Kensi's babble before it really got going. Deeks shot the doctor a grateful smile, and he nodded discretely in reply.

"Not until yesterday morning," she admitted. "But I haven't felt great for a few weeks."

"Alright, well, I'll write you a prescription for some pre-natal vitamins, along with some anti-nausea medication to help with the morning sickness. Only take that when you need it," he said, writing something out on a piece of paper.

Kensi nodded and accepted the doctor's note. As she looked down at the doctor's prescription, Deeks could tell she was becoming overwhelmed. Deeks couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking about so intently.

"Since you're almost at three months," Dr. Smith interrupted his thoughts, "we'll be able to hear the baby's heart beat. An ultrasound isn't really required, but given the amount of stress you've been under, I'd like to take a look at things. We won't be able to determine gender until the next appointment."

Kensi looked over at Deeks, asking a silent question with her eyes. He nodded at her, so she turned her smile to the doctor and nodded. Dr. Smith smiled back at her and helped her get set up. A few minutes later, a black and white image appeared on the ultrasound screen. Deeks's eyes locked onto that screen, and for that moment in time, absolutely nothing existed outside Kensi's hand in his and the picture on that screen. When a small, faint outline appeared on the screen, he felt an overwhelming love that he'd never felt before in his life. He loved their baby so very much, and he loved its mother even more than words could describe.

He felt Kensi's gaze on him, so he tore his eyes away from the screen. The moment their eyes met, they heard the life-changing sound of their baby's strong, steady heart beat, and they smiled.

_This is the future. _

* * *

><p>"Mr. Deeks!" a voice called from behind him. Deeks felt his heart sink to his feet. "Detective." The voice called again.<p>

Kensi looked up at him questioningly when he stopped. He had hoped that they would be able to just enjoy the moment, but he should've known that that wasn't to be. Dr. Garcia was the last person he'd wanted to run into.

"Dr. Garcia," he said, turning around to greet the older doctor. "What are you doing here?"

"I've got my rounds today," the doctor replied. "How have you been, Detective?"

Deeks felt Kensi's hand slip into his, and he managed a smile for Dr. Garcia. "I've been good, thank you."

"I've been trying to get ahold of you," the doctor continued. "You never filled that prescription for pain pills I gave you… what, about a month ago now. Was there a problem?"

"No," Deeks said, shaking his head and ignoring Kensi's concerned look. "No problem. I just didn't need them."

Dr. Garcia didn't look convinced, but he nodded anyways. "You still need to come back in for your month check up—to make sure that your jaw is healing properly again. I know for a fact that this happened over a month before you came in. You put off coming in then, and I can see that you are putting off coming back in now. I won't hesitate to call that scary emergency contact of yours, you know. She will make you come in."

Deeks winced at the idea of Hetty knowing about this particular issue—as if she didn't know already anyways—so he just nodded his head.

"I'll call you sometime next week to set up an appointment."

"Alright, Detective," Dr. Garcia said. Deeks let out a sigh of relief. He could play this off as a normal check up to Kensi, and she wouldn't have to feel guilty. Then the doctor smiled. "And try to keep from falling down anymore stairs."

Deeks nodded curtly, grabbed Kensi's arm, and pulled her out of the clinic. They'd almost reached the car when Kensi pulled her arm out of his grasp. Deeks took one more step, closing his eyes and putting some distance between them. He kept his back toward her, avoiding looking into her eyes for as long as he could.

"You… didn't fall down the stairs, Deeks," she said, her tone full of realization. "You don't have stairs at your apartment. You didn't fall down the stairs."

"No," Deeks said, turning around slowly to face her. "No, I didn't fall down the stairs."

Her brow furrowed in confusion at his monotone answer. "Then… why—why did you tell Dr. Garcia that you did?" she asked, but she looked afraid of the answer.

_Because I couldn't tell him the truth!_ he wanted to say, but then, he really couldn't say that either.

"Look, this is a joyful moment. Can't we just let this be a joyful moment, Kens?" Deeks pleaded. Kensi crossed her arms across her chest, her eyes took on a determined glint, and Deeks immediately realized that she wouldn't be letting it go anytime soon.

"No Deeks," she said. Her soft volume belied the firmness of her tone. "Dr. Garcia said that you—that you r-re broke your jaw. About two months ago."

Deeks couldn't do anything but nod, hating that she was figuring it out.

"Which is in the same time frame that I was reassigned." Again, Deeks could only nod. "And you weren't hurt after I left?"

There was only a slight hope in her voice, but Deeks knew he wouldn't be able to lie to her. She knew him far too well for that. He shook his head.

"So it was me." It was a statement, not a question, but Deeks nodded anyway. Kensi's sharp inhalation propelled Deeks to action.

"Look, Kensi," he said, taking a half-step towards her, "it's not a big deal. I mean, it _is_, but we talked about it. We're good. We can just let it go."

"_No!_ I can_not_ just let this go. One exhausted conversation outside a bar does _not_ count, and if we don't talk about it—get it all out in the open—then every time we have some semblance of joy in our lives, something like this—our terrible communication skills or _something_—is always going to pop back up to ruin it."

_Okay, no,_ Deeks thought, feeling a small spark of anger. _She doesn't get to put that all on me. I'm not the only one who doesn't say what they mean. _

"And before you say it," she said before he could speak, "I know it's not just you. In fact, it's mostly me. It's just… you and I, we have… so much more to lose."

Deeks felt all of his frustration and anger dissipate at her words.

"Because of the baby?"

"Well… yes, because of the baby. But," she continued, "not only the baby. Because… I—I _love_ you so much. More than…" her voice broke down to a whisper. "More than I've ever loved anyone. _Ever_."

Her words washed over him, and he couldn't help but wonder how he ever could've been upset with her in the first place. He could see the love shining in her eyes, but they were also glazed over with fear.

"And that scares you," he whispered, not sure if he was speaking to himself or to her. She nodded. "_Why_ does that scare you?" he wondered aloud. This was completely crazy. They were standing in the parking lot of a medical clinic, but he didn't see anything but her. He didn't hear the traffic around him—the horns blaring and the people yelling—he just heard her whispered reply.

"I almost lost you."

He wanted to comfort her—to tell her that she'd never been in danger of losing him and she never would be—but he couldn't lie to her.

"I almost lost myself," he admitted. Her eyes widened, but he pressed on before she could say anything. "But you didn't let me. You helped jump start me out of that place. So we had a bump two months ago, and I re-broke my jaw." He took another step forward so that he was in her personal space. "I'd go through that a million times over if it means I get to have you."

He wiped away a stray tear that escaped from her eye, then let his hand trail down her arm and settle against the skin of her abdomen.

"I'd go back through it a million times over," he whispered as he rested his forehead against hers, "because it means that we created this baby—our little mutant ninja assassin—and we are a family. A _family_, Kens."

"A family," she repeated, a smile forming on her lips. "I like that. I—I _love_ that."

"I love _you_," he said with a grin. She shook her head lightly, but a chuckle escaped nonetheless.

"I love you, too."

He closed his eyes, reveling in her words. He'd never get used to hearing them fall from her lips. An unusually close, loud horn caused his eyes to snap open, and he sighed.

"I know that this isn't it," he said softly. "I'm not going to lie to you. The nightmares… they're not gone." She looked into his eyes, her own mismatched ones unreadable. "But I've been patient, right?" She gave him a small smile and nodded.

"And we're talking," she said softly. He smiled in agreement.

"That we are, Kens," he said. "But I think we'll have to take it a little at a time. We have a lot to cover."

She smiled sadly, nodding, and he had the sudden, familiar urge to make her laugh.

"It may take us awhile to talk, but it only took us one night to create a mutant ninja assassin," he said with a mischievous smile as he opened her door with a grand, over exaggerated bow. His words had the desired effect, and he had the pleasure of seeing her face light up bright red.

"Deeks!" she screeched, playfully shoving his shoulder. "Really?!"

"What?" he asked, giving her his best innocent grin as she looked away and climbed into the car. It didn't matter that he knew she'd never buy it.

"Oh, don't look at me like it was my fault, Princess," he smirked as he shut her door and went around to the other side of the car. "May? You really just _stopped_ taking birth control in May? And you didn't think to… I don't know… _mention_ that?"

He was teasing her, and by her laugh, she knew it.

"W-well, it's not like you—like you stopped for protection, or anything, Shaggy," she sputtered in response. He let out a genuine laugh, grateful for the return of their playful banter. He leaned over and whispered into her ear.

"Neither did you, Fern." She shivered. "Neither did you."

* * *

><p>When they finally got back to Deeks's apartment, they were both physically and emotionally drained. They curled up in bed, Deeks set the alarm to give them plenty of time before they met Julia, and they fell asleep in each other's arms.<p>

Two hours later, they were awoken by the gentle alarm. Kensi groaned and rolled over in his arms.

"It can't be time to get up already," she complained, nuzzling deeper into Deeks's arms. He couldn't help but chuckle softly at her slightly petulant tone.

"Well, Princess," he said softly, "we're meeting up with your mom tonight. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you have anything _suitable_ to wear here."

She made an unintelligible noise and slipped her head under her pillow.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" he asked, not even trying to hold back his laugh. The pillow suddenly hit him in the face, but it didn't faze him in the least.

"I said," she said slowly as she glared at him, "that… you're right." He only laughed harder.

"Wow, what is that? Three whole times now?" he teased her. Her serious face crumbled, and a smile lit her face.

"I told you not to get used to it. You've just been getting lucky." He raised his eyebrows at that. "Dammit, Deeks, that is so _not_ what I meant!"

"Hey, I didn't say a word!" he protested, raising his hands in surrender. She just glared up at him. "Geez, what's got you so cranky?" he asked, laying back down and bumping her shoulder with his own.

"I was comfy sleeping," she said in a child-like tone of complaint. He laughed again.

"Well you know, if we didn't have to go back to your place, you could've slept longer."

She froze, and he immediately regretted his words. He hadn't meant to blurt them out like that. And certainly not yet. She wasn't ready. She couldn't be ready. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he was ready to have this conversation. At the moment, his mind was screaming _NO_!

"Is… is this your way of asking me to move in with you?" she finally asked, raising her eyebrows. He shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. He was unconsciously holding his breath, and his heart was beating frantically, but he was a trained undercover operator, dammit, so he clung to his nonchalance. "It's not very romantic," she groused. He let out a genuine, relieved chuckle at her words.

_Maybe we are ready,_ he realized.

"Yeah, well I didn't want to scare you away with too much romancing," he said. He added a wink to lighten the mood, but he could tell by the darkening of her face that he hadn't completely suppressed his serious, slightly fearful tone.

"I'm not running, Deeks," she said, placing a hand gently on his jaw. "I'm going to spend the rest of my life proving that to you. I'm not running," she repeated.

He shivered lightly as he comprehend the full meaning of her words. He took a deep breath and then said exactly what he meant.

"So you're saying a little romancing couldn't hurt?" he clarified. She narrowed her eyes at him, and he laughed. "We're a family now, Fern. I mean, I've thought of you as my family for a long time now—where you go, I go, remember?—so I guess what I'm saying is that I want it all. I want to move in together, and someday—if you'll let me—I want to marry you."

She didn't say anything, and Deeks briefly felt a wave of panic.

_Did I push too far? Is she going to break her promise and run away? What if— _

Her lips on his cut off his train of thought, and he gladly returned the kiss, surrendering his worries to the sensations that she stirred in him. After several long, passionate moments, he finally pulled back so he could look into her beautiful, captivating, mismatched eyes.

"So is that a yes?" he asked with a smile. She rolled her eyes and smiled back at him, pulling him in for another long, passionate kiss.

"_Yes_, Deeks," she said breathlessly. "_Yes_ it's a _yes_."

He smiled briefly before attaching their lips once again. For several long moments, he became lost in the passion that spread so quickly between them. He finally managed to pull back, and she let out a moan of discontent at the sudden distance.

He smirked at her, but they were both catching their breath. After a moment, he said, "We have to get cleaned up to go meet your mom."

She nodded, and her eyes took on a mischievous look that made him think he'd been rubbing off on her.

"I…" she said, ghosting her fingertips across his chest, up his arms, and into his hair, "…need a shower."

He grinned, catching her drift.

"So do I," he said, smirking down at her. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to… conserve water?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

She nodded with a mock serious expression.

"Of course," she said. Her lips twitched, but she fought back the smile. "I'm nothing if not… eco-_friendly_."

"So friendly, Fern," he said, bringing his lips lightly to hers. She pulled back before either of them could deepen the kiss, giggled, and bolted to the bathroom, Deeks hot on her heels.

* * *

><p>"Kensi!" Julia's voice—soft and full of absolute joy—greeted them as they walked into the restaurant several minutes late.<p>

"Hey mom!" Kensi said, pulling away from Deeks to hug her mom. Deeks smiled at the sight, and Julia pulled away from Kensi, her eyes scanning her daughter up and down.

"You're okay?" she asked, her eyes tight with concern. Kensi smiled.

"Yeah mom," she said. "I'm good."

Julia nodded and turned her attention to Deeks.

"Marty!" she said with a smile. She reached over and pulled him into a firm hug. "It's so good to see you again."

Deeks pushed back his surprise at Julia's rather friendly meeting—he only knew her through the few times he'd been with Kensi when they'd run into her, and of course their weekly conversations once he'd finally told her Kensi had been reassigned. He just hugged her back and smiled. If Julia was accepting him, he sure wasn't going to question it.

"My, my," Julia said as she pulled back. "Don't you two make a handsome couple. I'm so glad you've—"

"I thought you said you didn't tell her!" Kensi interrupted, shooting a semi-serious glare at Deeks. Deeks laughed and held up his hands.

"I didn't say anything, I swear!"

"Actually, you told me, Kensi," Julia cut in. Deeks could't help but smirk at her in victory. Kensi's brow furrowed in confusion.

"I did?" she wondered aloud. "When?"

"The day we reconnected," Julia stated calmly. Now Deeks was confused, too. "You said Marty was the reason you came over," she explained. "And then, all those mornings I ran into the two of you—bickering in the grocery store, or shopping at the mall—well, I guess I just assumed…"

"No, this is—it's new, mom," Kensi said. Deeks just raised his eyebrows at her and leaned in to whisper discretely in her ear.

"Not since May, Kensalina," he reminded her. He enjoyed the blush she couldn't hide at his whispered words. "Not really new."

Kensi shivered at his touch, and he smirked to himself.

"Newly official," she qualified, speaking more to Deeks than her mom. Deeks felt his smile widen.

"Or just _officially_ official," he said. Kensi rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, Shaggy," she said with a mischievous wink. "Because that's not the department of the redundancy department."

Deeks just laughed. "Touché."

For a moment, the restaurant disappeared—the noise faded to nothing—and he let himself get lost in her mismatched eyes. Eventually, Julia's laugh snapped them out of it, and they both glanced back at her sheepishly.

"So, exactly how long has this newly, officially-official thing been… official?" she asked with a smile as they were seated at a small table in the corner so that both Kensi and Deeks could have a good view of the entire restaurant.

Deeks just chuckled, turning to Kensi with a smirk.

"What was it, Fern?" he asked, pretending to think. "Two months, two weeks, and… how many days?"

"Four, you idiot," she said with a playful glare. "Two months, two weeks, and four days."

"Wow, you two are too cute," Julia said, shaking her head, a smile on her lips.

Kensi blushed, and Deeks laughed, clamping his mouth shut to force himself to swallow his mouth full of water.

"Mostly her," he said when he'd finally managed to swallow.

Deeks looked over to Kensi, realizing that they'd been so… busy that they hadn't discussed how they'd tell Julia about the baby. He met her gaze steadily, silently asking her when they were going to tell Julia about the baby. She just nodded her head.

"Mom, there was actually a reason that we asked you to come out with us tonight," she said. Julia turned her attention to Kensi, and Deeks couldn't help but hold his breath. "I'm—I'm, uh…" Kensi paused and tried again. "Deeks and I are…" she paused again and Deeks reached over to take her hand.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small black and white photo of their baby. He smiled down at it before meeting Kensi's grateful gaze. He handed it to her and nodded for her to continue.

"We're having a baby, mom," Kensi said, her voice steady and full of joy. Once again, Deeks held his breath as he waited for Julia's reaction. She was silent for a long moment, and Deeks's mind went into overdrive.

_She's going to think it was too soon,_ his mind worried. _This is crazy, and she's going to be angry, and Kensi'll be upset, and I can't let that happen, but what can I really do? I mean—_

"A—a baby?" Julia's amazed voice rang out, followed by a huge smile. "Oh, that's the greatest news I—I've ever heard!" she exclaimed. Deeks let out a relieved sigh and exchanged smiles with Kensi. "I'm going to be a grandma."

"We only found out a few days ago," Kensi told her mom, handing her the picture. "We had our first appointment this morning."

Julia stared down at the picture and wiped away a stray tear.

"Beautiful," she whispered. Deeks couldn't agree more.

After that, the conversation drifted to lighter, joyful topics such as the baby, their plan to move in together, and Kensi's childhood.

Julia and Deeks were laughing—and Kensi was blushing—about a childhood incident involving paint-filled balloons when Deeks's phone buzzed, interrupting their easy conversation. He glanced down at it and frowned.

"I'm sorry… it's Hetty." He glanced over at Kensi apologetically, but all he could read in her eyes was understanding. "I have to take this. I'll be back in just a moment."

He stood up and walked swiftly out of the restaurant.

"Deeks," he answered when he was outside.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said. Deeks just shook his head, no longer surprised at Hetty's ability to know absolutely everything. "It appears that our friend Mr. Ortega has decided to contact your… alias."

Deeks felt his heart drop to his toes. "And I need to come in to make contact with him tonight."

"It would be suspicious for you to not call him back this evening," Hetty confirmed.

"Understood," Deeks said. "We'll head back as soon as we finish up here."

* * *

><p>The team gathered around the table in OPS, and Deeks dialed the number to the burner phone he'd sent with Ray into WitSec. They had all agreed that it was probably the best way to reach him quickly. He put the phone on speaker, placed it on the center of the table, and listened. The phone rang three times before Ray's voice answered.<p>

"Marty!" he said, clearly excited. "Long time no chat!"

"Hey Ray," he said, smiling in spite of himself. It was good to hear his oldest friend's voice. "Listen, I—"

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this call," Ray interrupted, before Deeks could get the warning out. The whole team—including Kensi—looked over at him curiously.

"Ray, I'm—"

"So that _thing_ with Wikipedia finally worked out, huh? Did you guys finally—"

"Ray, you're on speaker phone!" Deeks finally shouted, interrupting his friends unintentional bumbling before he could say anything that would cause Callen or Sam to kill him.

"Wikipedia?" Eric asked quietly to Nell, but she just shrugged and shook her head. Deeks just closed his eyes, officially wishing the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

"Speaker phone?" Ray repeated, clearly confused.

"You're on speaker with Deeks's whole team," Sam chimed in.

"Hey Ray," Kensi added.

"Hey Wikipedia!" Ray greeted sheepishly. "Geez, Marty. Warn a guy."

"Well I tried to," Deeks said, finally laughing at the team's stunned faces. "But you and your big mouth kinda ran away before I could stop you."

"Oh. So you _haven't_ worked out your thing? Wow, this is awkward. Sorry Kensi."

"Oh, you apologize to her and not me?" Deeks demanded. Ray chuckled, and Deeks shook his head. "And for your information, Ray, 'our thing' _is_ working out."

"That's one way to put it," Sam muttered. Deeks shot him a glare, and he wisely shut up.

"Then why am I just getting a call now? And why the hell am I on speaker with your whole team for this?" Ray demanded good-naturedly.

"I'm afraid, Mr. Mitchell, that this is not a social call," Hetty said, appearing seemingly from nowhere. None of the team members even jumped—all of them used to Hetty's strange ways—but Ray didn't have the same luxury.

"What the hell, Marty?!" Ray exclaimed. "Why didn't you warn me the ninja was there?"

"Dude!" Deeks said with a groan. "_Still_ on speaker."

"I think you'll find that ninjas don't need to be in the same state to… operate," Hetty cut in, her voice stony, but her expression was slightly amused. "I'm afraid that some… connections to your past—and Mr. Deeks's past as Martin Brandel—have resurfaced."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading, and I'm really sorry it took so long. I'm back now, promise! Review? (hopeful smile)<strong>_


	9. More Than Anything

_**AN: Hey readers! Thank you to all of you who are still hanging with me :)**_

_**Okay guys. This is for those who care. If you just want to read the story, totally fine with me. If you want an explanation for my prolonged absence, please read this author's note.**_

_**I was a camp counselor this summer, out of wifi range for the most part and with children pretty much 24/7. On my return to school, I had the distinct pleasure of a round of mono. So yeah, not the best start to the school year. I sure hope your starts have been better. **_

_**I'm taking a lot of hard classes this year, but I will update when I can. That I can promise. **_

_**As always, thanks to Fern for reading this over for me. She's amazing, as you all know :) And Coastalreader has become a good friend, as well. **_

_**I hope that you all enjoy this long overdue update to my favorite story (that I've written, I mean). And, if it's not too much to ask, please leave a review.**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>Kensi watched Deeks walk away with a slight smile on her face. Though the thought of Hetty calling at this time of night left her a little uneasy, her joy ultimately overrode the unease when she glanced down at the photo still on the table.<p>

"He's a good man," her mom's voice startled Kensi out of her thoughts. She smiled at her. She couldn't agree more.

"He is," she agreed. "Better than he gives himself credit for."

Julia sighed.

"Your dad had the same issue," she said softly. Kensi's surprised gaze shot up immediately to meet her mother's. "I didn't realize it at the time," she continued, "but your dad struggled with the double life that he had to live. I realize now that if I had been in on it—the way you and Marty are able to let each other in—maybe I would have been able to help him."

Kensi just nodded, absorbing this new-found information.

"So," Julia said, shaking her head and giving Kensi a beaming smile. "When's the wedding?"

Kensi felt her cheeks go red.

"Wha—what?!" she choked out. "What do you m-mean?"

"I just—" Julia seemed taken-aback. "Well, I mean, I thought… I'm sorry. I was mostly teasing you. I-I didn't mean to overstep."

"No, no!" Kensi hurried to reassure her mom. "It's just… well, um… I mean, uh…"

"Ah," Julia said nodding, her voice filled with understanding. "You haven't talked about it?"

"No, I-I _think_ we have…" Kensi said, shaking her head in a lame attempt to clear out her own confusion. "But I'm not really sure. He said…" she trailed off, unsure if she wanted to continue.

Julia stayed silent and just cocked her head to the side. Kensi sighed.

"He said he wanted to marry me someday," she continued. "If I'd _let_ him. I mean… what does that even _mean_?" Kensi let out another, more frustrated sigh. "No… I know what it means. And I know it's my fault that he thinks like that. I just…"

"You're taking it slow?" Julia asked, smiling softly. "I mean, you know, aside from the obvious," she said, gesturing to Kensi's abdomen.

Kensi smiled and released a breath. She shook her head slightly.

"No… he—he said that when he was asking me to… move in with him."

"And what did you say?" Julia asked hesitantly.

"I said yes," Kensi whispered. Julia's smile widened and a tear slipped out of her eye. "I mean, I've gotten a couple doses of what it's like to not have him around, and I can't…" Kensi sighed, but she smiled even as a tear slipped down her cheek. "I guess it's just… right."

"Then I'm so happy for you, sweetheart," Julia said, reaching across the table and grasping Kensi's hand.

"Hey ladies," Deeks said, slipping back into his seat with what appeared to be an easy smile. Kensi wasn't fooled. "Sorry about that."

"No problem, Marty," Julia said with a smile, clearly not sensing that something wasn't right.

"Is everything all right, Deeks?" Kensi asked, meeting his eyes.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Deeks said, but Kensi wasn't so sure. "But we do have to go in tonight."

Kensi felt like her stomach dropped to her toes.

"The call?" she asked, referring to the call that Deeks was expecting on Max Gentry's phone. Deeks nodded.

"Okay," she said, nodding her head and meeting his eyes.

_It's going to be okay,_ she said with her eyes. He smiled as he seemingly read her thoughts.

"I know, Fern," he whispered. Kensi smiled. "I'm really sorry that we have to rush off, Julia, but—"

"I understand," Julia said with a warm smile. Kensi sent her mother a grateful look. Deeks signaled their waiter, paid for their dinner, and both of the partners and Julia stood.

"We will do this again soon?" Julia asked as they walked out of the restaurant.

"Most definitely," Kensi assured her mother. She left the partners then with hugs and a promise of a phone call soon.

"That went well," Deeks said as they drove away. Kensi couldn't help but laugh.

"You thought it wouldn't?" she questioned with a smirk. "Can't you tell that my mother is basically in love with you?" Deeks snorted at that. "In fact, sometimes I think she likes _you_ better than she likes _me_!"

This time, she got a full out guffaw from him. She smiled.

_Mission accomplished. _

"Thanks Kens," Deeks said. She nodded, unsurprised that he had so easily read into her real intent. She reached across the council of her car and grabbed his hand, squeezing it in a comforting gesture that just felt… right.

* * *

><p>The rest of the drive to the mission was made in silence, and before Kensi knew it, they were turning into the parking lot at OSP. The mission was as unassuming as always, but Kensi couldn't help but think that it looked particularly ominous that night.<p>

"Alright Fern," Deeks said. "Let's go get the 411."

Kensi let out a laugh at his childish words as she exited the car and took his outstretched hand.

"Mr. Deeks, Ms. Blye," Hetty greeted them as they walked in the door. Deeks made to release her hand—they were at work after all—but she held onto it tightly. "I take it your dinner went well?"

"Yes, Hetty," Kensi answered for them both. "Thank you."

"I'm sorry to have had to interrupt your evening, my dears," Hetty said, "but the team is upstairs awaiting your arrival. Mr. Callen has decided that you should call Mr. Mitchell before you go to the meet with James Ortega. You'll use the burner phone that you sent with him into WIT-SEC."

"Burner phone?" Deeks chuckled, running a hand through his hair nervously. "You—you know about that, huh?" Hetty just cocked her head to the side. "Right," Deeks continued, shaking his head. "Stupid question. You know everything."

"Not everything, Mr. Deeks," Hetty corrected, exchanging a meaningful look with Kensi. "But pretty damn close."

Deeks laughed, and Kensi did too, but she was still confused.

"When, exactly, did you plan on getting in touch with Ray?" Kensi asked, turing to look directly at her partner.

"I may have slipped him a burner phone for a… phone call that he said I owed him," Deeks said, rubbing the back of his head with his free hand the way he always did when he was embarrassed.

_Our thing,_ Kensi remembered, understanding washing over her. She squeezed his hand and smiled.

"Let's go make that call, then," she said, pulling him towards OPS. She didn't release his hand until the automatic doors opened and they'd entered the room.

"Hey guys!" Nell greeted them.

They smiled and exchanged brief greetings with the rest of the team.

"You got that number, Deeks?" Callen asked, finally getting down to the business of why they were there.

Deeks just nodded, repeated the number to Eric, and joined the team around the table in the center of the operations center. The whole team stood in silence as a ringing sound filled OPS three times before Ray answered.

"Marty!" Ray's voice filled the room, sounding excited and pleased to hear from him. "Long time no chat!"

Kensi smiled despite herself. While she really hadn't known Ray for very long, she found herself missing him. Or maybe she was just missing the joy that Deeks had felt when Ray had been there—the one slightly happy connection from his childhood. Or maybe it was just that this baby was making her sappy.

Yeah, that's what she was going to go with.

"Hey Ray," Deeks said, a bright smile spreading across his face that sent even more butterflies loose in Kensi's stomach, completely different from morning sickness. "Listen," Deeks continued, "I—"

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this call," Ray interrupted Deeks. Kensi couldn't help but look at Deeks curiously.

"Ray, I'm—"

"So that _thing_ with Wikipedia finally worked out, huh?" Ray said with a chuckle.

Kensi felt a mix of embarrassment and pleasure spread across her face in the form of a deep blush, and she was more than thankful for the dim lighting of OPS.

"Did you guys finally—"

"Ray, you're on speaker phone!" Deeks finally shouted, cutting off the suggestive remark that Ray was sure to be making. Kensi let out a small giggle—uncharacteristic for her—and shared a relieved glance with Deeks.

"Wikipedia?" Eric asked Nell, but Nell just shrugged, pretending she didn't know anything. Kensi knew differently, but it didn't matter.

Deeks closed his eyes, clearly embarrassed by his old friend's babbling.

"Speaker phone?" Ray repeated, clearly confused. Kensi just shook her head in amusement.

_At least we got to tell the team before this,_ she thought wryly to herself.

"You're on speaker with Deeks's whole team," Sam chimed in.

"Hey Ray," Kensi added with a smile.

"Hey Wikipedia!" Ray greeted, sounding sheepish. "Geez, Marty. Warn a guy."

"Well I tried to," Deeks said, finally giving in to his laughter—partially embarrassment but mostly amusement. "But you and your big mouth kinda ran away before I could stop you."

"Oh. So you haven't worked out your thing?" Ray asked, sounding way too disappointed. Kensi couldn't help her silent chuckle. "Wow, this is awkward. Sorry Kensi."

"Oh, you apologize to her and not me?" Deeks demanded indignantly. Ray chuckled, and Deeks shook his head. "And for your information, Ray, 'our thing' _is_ working out."

"That's one way to put it," Sam muttered. Deeks looked over at Sam, and Kensi sent him a warning glare over Deeks's head. Deeks turned away, but Kensi kept eye contact for a moment longer, and Sam wisely shut his mouth.

"Then why am I just getting a call now?" Ray demanded good-naturedly. "And why the hell am I on speaker with your whole team for this?"

"I'm afraid, Mr. Mitchell, that this is not a social call," Hetty said, seemingly appearing from nowhere.

"What the hell, Marty?!" Ray exclaimed, obviously startled by Hetty's sudden entrance into the conversation. "Why didn't you warn me the ninja was there?"

"Dude," Deeks said with a groan. "_Still_ on speaker."

Kensi let out a full laugh at the pained look on Deeks's face.

"I think you'll find that ninjas don't need to be in the same state to… operate," Hetty said. Her tone was firm, but the team could easily see the same amusement in her expression that she usually reserved for Deeks. "I'm afraid that some… connections to your past—and Mr. Deeks's past as Martin Brandel—have resurfaced," Hetty continued, finally getting into the more serious matter.

"Do you know a man named James Ortega?" Deeks asked quickly, before Hetty could intimidate Ray any further.

"Yeah," Ray said, confusion—with an undercurrent of fear—lacing his tone. "I worked with him back in the day. Why?"

"We're working a case and he's a major player. We need as many details about him as possible."

"Look, he's really not someone you want to be messing with," Ray said, causing Kensi's stomach to clench. She could suddenly feel her dinner wanting to make a repeat appearance, but she pushed it down and grabbed Deeks's hand. He needed her right now.

"You know that's not how we roll, Ray," Deeks reminded him firmly. "Now what do you know?"

Ray sighed.

"He and I were sorta partners—if you can really call it that—when we were both just lackeys in the old neighborhood," Ray said. Deeks nodded, obviously knowing what Ray was referring to. "Then a gang called Los Demonios del Locos took over, and things got… harry."

"How so?" Sam asked when Ray didn't immediately continue.

"People started disappearin' and dyin'," Ray said. "I was spooked, but James was never worried. I mean, I didn't understand how that could be, because the murders were… they were brutal," Ray said, a haunted note to his voice.

"And you think James was behind it?" Deeks probed.

"Yeah, well, right before I, you know, _'died'_, James was just about in charge of the whole gang," Ray said instead of a direct answer. "

"You think it was a hostile takeover?" Callen asked, finally chiming in on the conversation.

"Most definitely," Ray confirmed. "You're not going in there, Marty. Are you?"

"Ortega is our only lead on our case," Deeks said. "And I'm the only one with an in."

Ray let out a resigned sigh.

"You just make sure you have his back, okay Wikipedia?" Ray said seriously.

"Um, actually—" Kensi said, shifting uncomfortably.

"That's not really possible—" Deeks said at the same time.

Kensi looked over at Deeks and smiled.

"What? Why not?" Ray demanded as the fear reentered his voice, no trace of his earlier attempt at light-heartedness. Before either partner could respond to tell Deeks's oldest friend their good news, an unwelcome voice came from the doorway.

"Because she should not be here right now, and she's about to be on her way back to complete her mission."

_Granger. _

"Assistant Director Granger," Kensi said, surprised to see the man appear in OPS. The last time she'd seen him had been a week before she'd left Afghanistan. "What are you doing here?"

"I think the question, Blye, is what are _you_ doing here?" Granger demanded.

Kensi looked over at Deeks who was already looking at her. The two shared a silent conversation, but neither of them knew what the Assistant Director was talking about.

"I've been pulled off the assignment," Kensi said as Deeks slid close enough to her that their shoulders were overlapping, with Kensi slightly behind him. Normally, she'd be upset about his overprotective attitude, but given the situation and everything they'd been through—not to mention the baby—Kensi couldn't really blame him. She could feel the tension radiating off his body as he struggled to just stay calm.

"On who's orders?" Granger demanded.

"Mine, Owen," Hetty replied. "You were out of range, and circumstances came up that prevented Ms. Blye from being able to complete the mission."

"I don't give a damn what circumstances came up, Henrietta," Granger scoffed, and Kensi inhaled sharply in surprise. Her vision began to turn red with her anger, and she could sense Deeks struggling the same. "You _know_ she's the _only_ one who can complete this mission. She's coming back immediately!"

"The only one who can complete the mission?" Deeks repeated in outrage, his calm facade finally slipping all the way off. "No. No! She is the only one who absolutely _cannot_ leave right now. She's the only one who will _NOT_ be completing whatever mission it is that you seem to think she has."

"Not the only one, Deeks," Kensi whispered in his ear, clenching her jaw in anger and placing a calming hand on his arm and rubbing it soothingly. "I'm not the only one who's not leaving. You better not be going anywhere."

His lips twitched and Kensi felt the tension in his body ease slightly. She fought back her relief, knowing that she wasn't out of the woods quite yet.

"If you'd only called me, Owen," Hetty began, "I could have spared you a trip. Ms. Blye—"

"Watch your tone, Detective," Granger warned, completely ignoring Hetty. "Or you'll find NCIS is no longer in need of your services."

Deeks didn't flinch at the threat, but for Kensi, it was the last straw.

"I'm pregnant, Granger!" Kensi yelled, causing the Assistant director to stop and turn to her in shock. "And I refuse to put our son in harms way. So go ahead," she continued, grabbing Deeks's arm tightly. "Fire me. I don't care. My son's father is a lawyer. And I'm pretty sure that case wouldn't go well for you."

Her outburst was met with stunned silence until Deeks let out a slightly strained chuckle, leaned down, and kissed the top of her head.

"You're amazing, you know that?" he whispered so only she could hear.

"You're pregnant?" Granger asked, finally recovering from the shock.

"Yes," Kensi confirmed, feeling her anger fade slightly as she realized that Granger's surprise was genuine. He really hadn't known.

"You mean… I'm gonna be an uncle?" Kensi had forgotten that Ray was still on speaker phone.

"Who's that?" Granger demanded.

"This is Ray," Ray said sharply. "And who's the ass who's trying to force Wikipedia into some crazy mission."

Deeks let out a laugh but quickly tried to disguise it as a cough.

"Assistant Director of NCIS, Owen Granger," Deeks said, sharing an amused smirk with the team, "this is Raymond Mitchell, my… ex-CI, who is now in WIT-SEC." Granger still looked confused. "That was before your time," Deeks explained to the older man, his smirk turning smug. Kensi couldn't hold back her laugh any longer.

"Wait a minute," Granger said, understanding starting to light his eyes. Kensi could see him putting the pieces together. "You mean Deeks is—"

"Perhaps this is a matter we should discuss in my office, Owen," Hetty said, ushering Granger toward the doors. Before anyone really knew what was happening, Hetty and Granger were out the doors and out of sight.

It was silent for a short moment before Ray burst out laughing. Slowly, the rest of the team followed him.

"That was priceless," Sam said, shaking his head.

"At least it's all out now," Deeks agreed, grabbing Kensi's hand. She smiled up at him.

"There is that," she said with a shrug.

"So getting back to the case—" G began, but Ray cut him off.

"Oh hell no, one-letter-man! There's no way I'm letting this drop." Ray said. "Marty, was Wikipedia serious? Are you really gonna be a dad?"

"Yeah, Ray," Deeks said. His voice was strong, but Kensi could hear the underlying emotion. She would swear it was the hormones that caused a tear to slip down her cheek. Deeks swiped it away before she'd even really registered that it was there.

"Well, congrats guys," Ray said, clearly happy for them. "When this is all over, I expect another phone call with the details, okay Marty? Or I might just have to start sharing stories with Wikipedia and your team."

"You wouldn't sell a brother out," Deeks protested, but he laughed good-naturedly.

"We'll talk, Ray," Kensi promised before the line went dead.

The light-heartedness in the room was quickly evaporated by the reappearance of Hetty and Granger. Granger sent a glare in Deeks's direction, but Kensi ignored him. She studied Hetty's expression, and she felt her heart sink to her toes.

"Hetty…" Kensi said, reading the news in her boss's eyes and yet still clinging to the hope that it wasn't true.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Blye," Hetty said, sending a chill through Kensi. The small woman turned to Deeks. "Button up, Mr. Deeks. You're headed in immediately."

* * *

><p>Kensi headed down to wardrobe to check on Deeks. He hadn't seemed quite right when he'd finally left OPS. And while she herself was struggling to keep her panic down, she knew that she needed to be there for him right now.<p>

Everything about the operation was full speed ahead. Sam and Callen were getting set with aliases that would be able to work their way in to be there as back up for Deeks. The wonder twins were working on erasing any connection between Marty Deeks and Martin Brandel while also creating a paper trail for Sam, Callen, and Deeks.

When she reached wardrobe, she found her partner—shirtless—zipping up his pants. She watched with admiration at the way his back muscles flexed when he lifted the baggy shirt over his head.

"You good?" Kensi asked, finally making her presence known. Deeks jumped, clearly startled by her sudden appearance.

"Yeah, I'm—"

"I swear to God, if you say you're good, you'll be sleeping on the couch for eternity," Kensi interrupted him. Deeks chuckled, but his hands were still shaking.

"That's your new favorite threat, huh?" Deeks joked. Kensi just shrugged. "It's not very threatening, you know. You could never sleep without me."

Kensi shrugged again. "Touché."

Deeks laughed, but his hands gave him away. They fidgeted with his shirt, scratched his neck, and finally found their way to his hair.

"Talk to me, Deeks," she whispered, coming up to stand directly in front of him. She took his hands into hers. "Talk to me."

"It's just…" Deeks took a deep breath, and then the words came flowing out of his mouth at top speed. "I'm scared," he admitted. "And I know it's not like we don't do this on a regular basis—and really, we've had worse—but I just feel like we've got so much more to lose this time, and what if I never come back? And I never get to meet our son? And he has to grow up knowing his dad… knowing his dad let him down? And what if I can't turn off Max, and I—"

Kensi felt all the air leave her lungs as she pulled him close and squeezed him tight, cutting him off mid-sentence.

"Your Max persona has saved a lot of lives—more than you think he's ruined—and you've made the world safer for our son. But you are _not_ Max. Do you understand me?" Kensi said, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes. "Do you?" she repeated when he didn't respond. Deeks nodded, but he still looked troubled. "Hey, no matter what happens, you will never let our son down. And you're gonna come back from this, Deeks." Deeks started to shake his head and opened his mouth to say something, but Kensi didn't let him continue. "_Yes you are_. Because you said that you wanted to marry me."

Deeks's head snapped up, and his surprised eyes met her steady, mismatched ones.

"You said you wanted to marry me, if I would let you, right?" Kensi demanded, placing both of her hands on his face. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he just nodded, swallowing hard and placing his hands on top of hers.

"Good," Kensi said, smiling at the sight of a speechless Deeks. "Because I want to have the same last name as our baby, Deeks." She took his hands and placed them on her stomach. His gaze followed their hands, but she took one hand and gently tilted his head back up to look at her. "You'll come back, because I know that you want that too."

Finally, a smile stretched across his face and he pulled her into his arms.

"I do, Fern," he said, planting a promising kiss on her waiting lips. "More than anything."


	10. Going In

_**AN: Hey guys! Okay, I'm really sorry that this took so long to write. Seriously, I'm almost done with chapter 11, as apparently that chapter wanted to write itself, and this one absolutely DID NOT! Haha, and also, I apologize in advance for the language that Max uses. **_

_**I just want this out there. I don't swear, really like ever. And really, neither does Deeks, if you've noticed in the show. But, he's undercover. And I think Max is who Deeks would've become if he hadn't decided to be Deeks, so that's why Martin Brandel is referred to as Max, though he's not actually under as Max. Make sense? Well, it does to me, so… ;) **_

_**Also, let me know what you think of the name for Baby Deeks here… ;)**_

_**Anywho, as always, please review! This chapter is short, but chapter 11 is longer and hopefully coming much sooner! **_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>Deeks stripped off his clothes, and began pulling on his undercover outfit. As he started to pull his jeans on, his hands began to shake.<p>

He stopped and took a deep breath, trying to steady his shaking hands by running them through his hair.

_Why am I scared? I never get scared. _Never_. I used to be fearless. I just… _

Images of the different ways he could possibly break his promise to Kensi suddenly assaulted him, and he closed his eyes tightly against the attack. Only now it wouldn't just be Kensi he'd be leaving behind.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. Pulling on his jeans, he buckled the belt and slid Max's t-shirt over his head. He'd have to stop at home to get the detested leather jacket that absolutely defined his Max persona.

"You good?" Kensi voice came from behind him, startling him out of his thoughts and causing him to jump.

"Yeah," he said automatically. "I'm—"

"I swear to God, if you say you're good, you'll be sleeping on the couch for eternity," Kensi interrupted him. Deeks chuckled, trying to steady his shaking hands.

"That's your new favorite threat, huh?" Deeks joked, hoping he could get a smile out of her. Kensi just shrugged. "It's not very threatening, you know," he continued to keep his voice light. "You could never sleep without me."

He waited for the inevitable denial, but Kensi just shrugged again. "Touché."

Deeks laughed—hearing her use that word correctly was a major turn on, he had to admit—but he still couldn't manage to keep himself still. He fidgeted with his shirt, scratched his neck, and ran his hands through his hair.

"Talk to me, Deeks," she whispered, coming up to stand directly in front of him. She took his hands into hers. "Talk to me," she repeated.

_As if I can refuse her when she looks at me like that. _

"It's just…" Deeks took a deep breath, and then the words came flowing out of his mouth at top speed. "I'm scared," he admitted, startled to hear the words aloud. "And I know it's not like we don't do this on a regular basis—and really, we've had worse—" he rationalized, _much worse, _"but I just feel like we've got so much more to lose this time, and what if I never come back? And I never get to meet our son? And he has to grow up knowing his dad… knowing his dad let him down? And what if I can't turn off Max, and I—"

He was so caught up in his thoughts of worst case scenarios that he didn't have any warning of Kensi's actions. Before he knew what she was doing, she had pulled him tightly to her, effectively cutting him off, mid-sentence.

"Your Max persona has saved a lot of lives—more than you think he's ruined—and you've made the world safer for our son. But you are _not_ Max. Do you understand me?" Kensi said, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes.

_Do I? _He wondered to himself. _I know I _want_ to. _

"Do you?" she repeated when he didn't respond. Deeks forced a reluctant nod. "Hey," she said, cupping his jaw. "No matter what happens, you will never let our son down. And you're gonna come back from this, Deeks." Deeks started to shake his head and opened his mouth to qualify that he absolutely wouldn't leave her _voluntarily_, but Kensi didn't let him interrupt her. "_Yes you are_. Because you said that you wanted to marry me."

Surprise coursed through Deeks's whole body, causing him to look up at her face only to see calm assurance and love shining in her mismatched eyes.

"You said you wanted to marry me, if I would let you, right?" Kensi demanded, placing both of her hands on his face. He tried forming a response a few times before he just nodded, swallowing hard and placing his hands on top of hers.

"Good," Kensi said, nodding her head. "Because I want to have the same last name as our baby, Deeks." She took his hands and placed them on her stomach. His gaze followed their hands, his mind racing to wrap around her unexpected words, but she took one hand and gently tilted his head back up to look at her. "You'll come back, because I know that you want that too."

Finally, a smile stretched across his face, and he pulled her into his arms.

"I do, Fern," he said, planting a promising kiss on her waiting lips. "More than anything."

He pulled her in close again, savoring the feeling of her body pressed against his.

"I think we should name him Andrew."

The comment came out of nowhere, causing Deeks to laugh.

"Hmmm," Deeks sobered and looked down at her, finally understanding her meaning. "My middle name?" Kensi nodded. "I like that. Andrew Donald Deeks."

"Andrew Donald Deeks…" Kensi mused aloud as tears filled her eyes. She wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you. I love it."

"Me too, Fern," Deeks said, pulling her even close. "Me too."

"You do realize that if we name him that," Kensi said, pulling back so that she could look into his eyes, "his initials will be ADD."

Deeks just shrugged, unable to keep the amused smirk off his face. "So he'll be fantastic at math. There's no shame in that. You know, I think I heard Sam was a Mathlete."

Kensi laughed. "Or he'll be hyperactive."

"Kens," Deeks said, shooting her a proud smirk, "with us for parents, it won't matter what we name him. He's gonna be hyperactive either way."

"Touché."

"Damn, I love it when you use that word correctly," Deeks said, stepping away from her with a soft laugh. Kensi's expression immediately turned indignant.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded playfully, crossing her arms across her chest. "I _always_ use it correctly." Deeks just laughed, but Kensi continued before he could respond. "Oh! Touché!"

Deeks just groaned and shook his head.

"And back down the hill we slide," he said, chuckling. Then he sobered and pulled her to him tightly. "Thanks, Fern," he whispered into her hair. He felt her grip tighten in response, and they stayed like that for a long moment before he pulled back and sighed. "C'mon, partner," he said, taking her hand and leading her away from wardrobe. "It's gotta be about time for me to head out."

"You're good?" she asked again, but this time her eyes conveyed just how serious she was.

Deeks kept his eyes serious and nodded, somewhat surprised to find that it was actually the truth. Then he allowed a smirk to cross his face.

"Don't worry, Fern," he said slowly. He saw recognition flash in her eyes.

"I'll be back," they finished together.

* * *

><p>"You good?" Sam asked as they drove through the lighted streets of LA on their way to Deeks's apartment for a quick stop before heading directly to the meet. Deeks pulled his head out of his thoughts to answer his temporary partner.<p>

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, avoiding Sam's piercing gaze. Sam just laughed.

"You know we all know what that means, right?" Sam said. "Not just you."

Deeks shrugged, but he finally turned to look at the Senior Agent.

"You know, I was overseas when Michelle found out about Rose," Sam continued after a moment. "I'd only been there for two months, and it was a ten month tour, so she had to tell me on one of our rare Skype sessions."

"Okaaaay…" Deeks said slowly, unsure how that was supposed to help him.

"I was so excited when she told me," Sam continued as if Deeks hadn't spoken. "I mean, it was unexpected, but still… you know?"

Now Sam did look over at him, and Deeks nodded, because hell, he _did_ understand.

"I was literally walking on air when I got off that call," Sam continued, his expression suddenly seeming far away. "Then the next day, our team caught an op. Relatively simple. By SEAL standards, anyway. And I was terrified."

It took Deeks more than a second to process that last sentence, and by the time he had, Sam had pulled himself out of the memory and was looking over at him.

"_You_ were terrified?" Deeks repeated incredulously, unable to keep the shock out of his voice. Sam smiled slightly.

"The idea of never getting to meet that little person… it was my greatest fear," he admitted. "And it changed the way I did things."

"How so?" Deeks asked quietly, wishing he couldn't hear the desperation in his own voice.

"I thought it would make me weaker," Sam said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I thought I'd hesitate in the heat of the moment. But I didn't."

"You… didn't?" Deeks repeated, still unsure how that could be.

"It made me _stronger_, Deeks," Sam said, looking over and meeting the detective's gaze firmly. "It gave me something to survive for that was more important than any mission."

Deeks nodded, having already had that particular revelation, but Sam hadn't finished.

"It makes it that much more necessary to do whatever it takes," Sam said. And Deeks finally understood. He felt that understanding literally fill his brain—saturate his neurons—and settle deep in his soul. Now he not only had something to live for, but it was absolutely necessary that he return.

"Sam," Deeks said, cautiously weighing his words. "I've been running this meet over in my head, and…"

"Something's off," Sam finished. Deeks just nodded.

"I don't wanna jinx it," Deeks continued, "but I've just… gotta gut feeling. A meet like this… it's not really Ortega's style."

"So what are you thinking?" Sam asked. Deeks smiled, grateful that Sam was willing to listen and not insisting he be immediately pulled off.

Deeks sighed.

"It's too open," Deeks finally said. Sam nodded. "And it's possible that he'll try a knock and grab."

Sam's face contorted comically in confusion, and Deeks couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry," Deeks continued when he'd gotten his laughter under control. "It's undercover slang. It means he may knock me out and take me to another location. He'd have men watching the area for signs of law enforcement reaction. It happened all the time when I was with LAPD, but back then I didn't have any backup. Now… well, I know they'll be watching, even if they're not expecting to see anything. That's just how these guys roll."

"So what's the play?" Sam asked. Deeks clenched his jaw.

"Well," Deeks said slowly, "if that's the case, my gut says let it go. Let _me_ go."

"You know Kensi's not going to be okay with that," Sam protested immediately. Deeks nodded.

"I know," he agreed. "Which is why I'm asking you for a favor." Sam immediately nodded. "I need you to keep her calm, no matter what. And I'm gonna be back, but if I'm not—"

"You don't even have to ask that, Deeks," Sam cut him off, and Deeks couldn't help but let out a relieved sigh. He nodded in appreciation, not trusting himself with words to express his gratitude.

"There's no reason to even suspect that my cover is anything but rock solid," Deeks continued. "And if what Ray said is true—and I trust that it is—then James thinks of Ray as a brother. And Ray talked highly of me on several occasions. Since Ray died a hero's death to this cartel, I have a feeling James'll be more than happy to take me in."

* * *

><p>"Here we are," Sam said as he pulled the Challenger up to the curb about a block from the meeting place. "You're gonna be fine."<p>

"Fine?" Deeks repeated with a smirk. Sam just shook his head with a chuckle, but he let it go.

Deeks looked over at Sam once more and then at the jacket in his hands. With a sigh, he slipped on the uncomfortably familiar leather jacket and hardened his features. Without another word, he exited the car with Max-like confidence.

"Screw off, Drey," he snapped, using Sam's cover name. "I'll see ya later."

With that, Deeks slammed the door of the Challenger, getting a brief satisfaction as he imagined the look on Sam's face as the door made a not-so-pleasant sound. He turned and sauntered into the dark, completely isolated alley as if he owned the place.

"_**Coms are good,"**_ Sam's voice came through his ear. _**"And you'll pay for that door slam." **_

Deeks held back a laugh, because Martin Brandel—who was essentially Max Gentry—didn't have anything to genuinely laugh _about_. He didn't have a family, or even a reason to come home, so Brandel smirked, and Brandel laughed hard and humorlessly. Marty Deeks was the one with the smile, and Marty Deeks was the one who was going to make it home.

"_**We're with you, partner,"**_ Kensi's voice comes through the coms from OPS. Her voice dropped to a whisper. _**"I'm here, and I've got your back. Even if you can't see me, I'm here." **_

Deeks felt a warm strength course through him at her words, and he cleared his throat softly to let her know he understood. He stood in the alley for no longer than a few seconds when he sensed he wasn't alone.

"Martin Brandel."

The voice came from behind him, but Deeks had been expecting it, so he didn't startle. He immediately took extra care to school his features into Max's hard smile, pushing down his instinctual reaction to that name.

"James Or—"

A blinding flash of pain hit him on the side of the head, and everything went dark.

His last conscious thought was, _Fern…_


	11. Reaching Back

_**AN: Hey guys! Look at this, I'm updating already! Not too shabby, huh? Okay, now I'm being serious this time, I haven't written hardly anything for the next chapter yet, so I need some feedback. Please please PLEASE let me know if you have ideas… If I don't get any, who knows when the muse monkeys will strike. Probably in the middle of a final exam, as that's usually my luck ;)**_

_**Thanks again for reading, and I really hope you enjoy this chapter :)**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>"<em><strong>Coms are good,"<strong>_ Sam's voice came over the link into the OPS center. _**"And you'll pay for that door slam."**_

Kensi couldn't help but laugh at that, thankful for the light, relaxed tone in Sam's voice. Deeks didn't respond, but Kensi knew he must be holding back a laugh. She thought back on all the operations they'd run together over the years—how they always worked together—and how he always seemed to know exactly what to say to her to calm her nerves without smothering her. She knew she hadn't always reciprocated, but she wanted to offer him some comfort now.

"We're with you, partner," she said, smiling as the words—and the memory they triggered—came so easily to her. "I'm here," she continued, dropping her voice down to a near-whisper. "And I've got your back. Even if you can't see me, I'm here."

She wasn't expecting a response—he couldn't respond without breaking his cover—but when she heard him clear his throat quietly, she knew she'd said exactly the right thing.

She watched on his button camera he walked into the alley. He wasn't waiting more than a few seconds when audio picked up a voice from behind Deeks.

"_**Martin Brandel." **_

Kensi shivered slightly, still not used to the way that name sounded and not completely comfortable of the reminder of what could have became of her Deeks had he not decided to be a different man.

"_**James Or—"**_

And then the screen went dark and static filled the room.

"Deeks?" Kensi called when the line went dark. She held her breath and waited, but she only heard static in reply. "Sam?" she tried again, and again, she received no response.

There was a tense silence in the OPS center, and Kensi felt her panic begin to overtake her.

"Deeks?" she called again. "Sam? Callen?" Her voice rose slightly. "Someone… answer!"

Once again, only static answered her.

"Nell?" Kensi demanded, her voice turning sharp. "Where are they? Can't you find them…" she trailed off as her mind began to fail her. "Cameras, or… or… or _something_!"

"We knew there weren't any cameras in that alley, Kens," she reminded Kensi, her fingers still flying across the keyboard. "And coms should be back up… now!"

"Sam? Callen? Can you hear me?" Kensi called desperately.

Callen's voice suddenly echoed in OPS, accompanied by heavy breathing. _**"We lost him."**_

Kensi felt her knees give out, and she gripped the table harder to stay upright.

"What do you _mean_ you lost him?" Kensi demanded. She tried to lace her words with steel, but it came out slightly weak, even to her.

"_**It was a knock and grab," **_Sam said. _**"Ortega went to the meet and knocked Deeks out. Broke the coms and camera in the process. He was gone by the time we got there."**_

"And you didn't go after him?" Kensi demanded. Both men ignored her.

"_**Eric,"**_ Callen said sharply. _**"Check near-by security and traffic cams. See if you can narrow down what car Ortega used and where it went." **_

"I'm going with them," Kensi said, steadying herself.

"_**Kens,"**_ Sam sighed. _**"Deeks said something like this could happen, and he said if it did to wait it out."**_

Kensi shook her head. "No. No! I—I have to go… I can't—I can't leave him again."

"Ms. Blye," Hetty finally spoke, causing Kensi to startle slightly. She looked over at the older, smaller woman and felt her heart sink to her toes. "I'm afraid I cannot allow that."

"I won't lose my partner, Hetty," Kensi said, standing up and towering above Hetty.

"I am aware of that," Hetty returned. "But do you recall what you said to me over the phone in Afghanistan?"

The wind left Kensi's sails as the memory washed over her.

_**Flashback**_

"_I wasn't expecting to hear from you again so soon, Ms. Blye," Hetty answered. Kensi opened her mouth to reply, but no words came out. "Ms. Blye?" Hetty repeated after a long moment. _

"_Yeah, I'm… I'm here, Hetty," Kensi managed. She took a deep breath. "Do you remember what you said to me before you went to Romania?"_

_Hetty was silent for a long moment, and Kensi could tell that she'd caught her boss by surprise. _

"_You said that the true challenge in our lives is to know when to stop," Kensi continued when Hetty stayed silent. _

"_I'm assuming, since you called me on an emergency secured line, that you have more on your mind than a trip down memory lane, Ms. Blye?" Hetty asked after another silent moment. _

"_Yeah, Hetty," Kensi said, steeling herself. "It's time for me to stop." _

_Again, silence filled the line between the two women, and Kensi held her breath, determined to wait for Hetty's response. _

"_I'm afraid, at the moment, that is not an option, Ms. Blye," Hetty said. "If you're contemplating a career change, I urge you to finish this mission first."_

"_That's not an option, Hetty," Kensi said in a steely voice. Hetty sighed._

"_I'm afraid even _I _do not have enough pull to get you out of this particular mission," Hetty said, though she sounded slightly confused. _

_Kensi sighed and softened her voice slightly. "Hetty, I'm… I'm uh…" she trailed off, unable to force the words out. It seemed wrong for someone other than Deeks to hear it first, but Kensi knew that Hetty was the only one who could get her home. She sighed again. "It's not just me I have to worry about now," she finally managed._

_Kensi closed her eyes as she heard a slight gasp come from Hetty, and Kensi knew she had understood her words. _

"_I see…" Hetty said after yet another long moment. "Well, this certainly changes things." _

_Kensi clenched her jaw. "I'm coming _home_ Hetty," she all but growled. "I'll do it with or without your help." Kensi sighed, and her voice dropped down to barely a whisper. "I just hoped you would… help us." _

"_I assume, as he's not currently here figuratively knocking down my door and demanding your return, that you've not yet informed Mr. Deeks of his impending fatherhood?" Hetty asked, her voice slightly wry. _

_Kensi held back a small smile and kept her guard up. She still wasn't sure if Hetty was on her side or not, but she was not at all surprised that Hetty knew about her and Deeks. _

"_That can be easily rectified," Kensi said, keeping her voice firm as she delivered the threat. _

"_No need for that, Ms. Blye," Hetty said, and Kensi finally heard the smile in her voice. "I'm sure you'd much rather tell him in person." _

_Kensi gasped. "You mean…"_

"_There is a military transport flying out of your base in a matter of a few hours. Be ready when I call you," Hetty cut her off. "If all goes well, I believe you shall be back in time to more than make up for forgetting your partner's birthday last year."_

_**End Flashback**_

"It's not just me…" Kensi murmured. She squeezed her eyes shut. It felt like she was making the most important decision of her life, and yet she knew she had no choice in the matter.

_Andy comes first._

She smiled at how easily their son's name sounded in her mind. She felt a peace wash over her, knowing that's what Deeks would want if he were there.

She opened her eyes, nodded down at Hetty, and stepped back. Deeks had planned for this—he'd known this was a possibility—so she would trust her partner. He may have come close once before, but he'd still kept his promise. And there was absolutely no way he would break it now.

"Okay," she nodded, accepting there was nothing she could physically do at the moment. "Okay, I'll stay here. But I'm not siting back and doing nothing. What do we know about James Ortega? Do we have any addresses on this guy?"

Nell shook her head.

"Until Deeks uncovered his connection to this case, Ortega's been a ghost," Nell said. "The guys are headed in. We'll regroup and figure out a game plan."

Kensi just nodded and turned on her heel. She needed to get out of OPS and do some regrouping of her own.

* * *

><p>Kensi walked down the steps, around the corner, and into the empty armory where she could have some privacy to process the recent events on her own.<p>

At the moment, she couldn't make sense of the swirling mess that was her mind, so she allowed her mind to wander to the night before she was sent away and focused on that.

She remembered the way it had felt—the nerves, the hesitation, and then finally giving in. She remembered looking down into his eyes, wondering how they'd gotten to that point.

"_What are you doing to me?" _

She could've sworn she'd heard him mumble _"Falling in love with you" _in response to her desperate question, but she wasn't convinced she hadn't made that up.

She remembered how slow and passionate and gentle it had been. The second and third rounds had been hotter and faster as four years worth of pent up sexual frustration was released. But that first time… She shuddered as she remembered how deliberate, loving, and gentle he'd been with her.

She smiled with her eyes still closed and placed both hands over her stomach, and she decided right then and there that their child had been conceived that first time. She couldn't stop the hum of contentment that passed her lips as she allowed her mind to linger on the details from that night. The way he'd—

"Kensi?" Callen's voice snapped her out of her wonderful memory. She opened her eyes, startled to see Sam and Callen standing in the doorway to the armory.

Kensi felt her face heat up as she blushed ferociously at having been caught in that particular memory.

She couldn't force any words past the lump in her throat, so she quickly collected herself and looked expectantly at Sam and Callen. Callen seemed rattled at the way they'd found her, but Sam stepped in.

"We've got a plan, Kens," Sam said, smiling knowingly. "We're going to call Ray again to see if he can give us some insight into where Ortega might have taken Deeks."

Kensi nodded and silently followed the guys out of the armory and up to OPS. When they entered the OPS center, Callen nodded to Eric, and Eric connected the call from the small burner phone.

"Hell, Marty, that was a quick mission," Ray jabbed at his—unknown to him—absent friend in greeting when he answered.

"It's not quite over yet, Ray," Sam said. "Deeks is still in. Or, we think he is. Ortega grabbed him, and we lost the trail. We have no reason to even suspect his cover was blown. Is this something to worry about?"

Ray was silent for a long moment before he spoke.

"Where's Wikipedia?" he asked, his tone impossible to determine.

"I'm right here, Ray," Kensi answered.

"Hmm…" Ray hummed. He paused a moment, as if he was deciding how much he should say in her presence, before he continued. "It's not completely unusual—though when I was with him, James only did that with high level assets… or threats." Ray was silent again for a brief moment. "My best guess—and I'm no psychologist, so take it with a grain of salt—is that he sees Marty as a connection to me. To him, we were as close as brothers, and he thinks I'm dead. I talked about Marty _Brandel_ all the time—about how he was like a little brother to me—so I'd guess that, if everything checks out, James will take Marty under his wing, so to speak."

Kensi took in this news, unsure whether she should feel relief at her partner's safety or dread at the fact that this op could drag on longer than expected. All around her, her team was nodding, seemingly accepting that—for the moment, at least—Deeks wasn't in danger.

"Can you give us any locations where he could've taken Deeks?" Callen asked, finally joining the conversation.

"He worked out of a specific area," Ray said. He rattled off a few possible addresses, and Nell and Eric jotted them down.

With the official business finally wrapped up, Hetty made to end the call.

"No!" Kensi protested, reaching out and taking the phone from Hetty's grasp.

"Ms. Blye?" Hetty questioned, but her eyes showed her usual understanding.

"Wikipedia?"

Kensi opened her mouth, but she couldn't get the reply past her lips.

"Let's give Ms. Blye a moment," Hetty said, ushering Callen and Sam out of OPS to do follow up research on the leads Ray had just given them.

When OPS was finally cleared, Kensi let herself go. Shaking, she slid down against the table and choked back a sob.

"Kens, you okay?" Ray asked, sounding worried.

"Yeah, it's just… hormones, you know?" Kensi said, though talking was becoming harder. She breathed in deeply as Ray just _hmm'd_, clearly not believing her. "Look, I'll be fine as soon as he is. Just… I can't do anything right now, and I just… just talk to me?" Kensi asked, not even caring at the desperate, slightly begging tone of her voice.

The line was silent for a long moment.

"You know, Kens, it's funny," Ray said, his voice taking on a nostalgic note. "I hadn't seen Marty in almost twenty years—since he was eleven—but when we met again when he was under as Max, I recognized him. I realized he was using a fake name. I knew what that meant, and… well I just couldn't sell him out."

Ray sighed and Kensi held her breath, unwilling to interrupt this memory.

"I met Marty when he was five," Ray finally continued. "I was nine at the time. I'd snuck out of the house after my old man had come home. He was three sheets to the wind, but he managed a light beating before he passed out." Ray chuckled. "I headed out, not really knowing where I was going, when I ran into this kid."

"Marty?" Kensi asked after a long pause.

"Marty," Ray confirmed. "It was the middle of the night, and this five-year-old kid was walking on the street like he knew exactly where he was going." Ray let out a laugh and Kensi could imagine him shaking his head. "I told him he should be at home—that the streets were dangerous for kids like him, especially at that time of night. You know what he said to me?"

"What?" Kensi prompted breathily, feeling her heart clench in her chest.

"He said, 'Home's not safe either,' and then he just kept on walking."

Kensi felt a tear slip down her cheek as she pictured Deeks as a little boy—so similar to what she imagined the child now growing inside of her would look like—wandering the streets alone.

"Of course I couldn't just let him wander around alone," Ray continued, "but I couldn't really send him home, either. So I followed him to protect him—or at least, that's what I told myself. The whole way to the beach, he chatted my ear off. I couldn't get the kid to shut up."

Kensi let out a watery laugh. "That sounds exactly like Deeks."

"He asked questions about everything and anything," Ray said, joining Kensi in laughter. "But then out of the blue, he just stopped. We'd reached the beach, and he just sat down on the sand, and curled up."

"You slept on the beach?" Kensi mused aloud.

"Yep," Ray confirmed. "And I gotta say, in my nine years of life to that point, I'd never had a better night's sleep." He sighed deeply. "From there, he became like my little brother. I looked out for him, and he looked out for me. I gave him that gun to protect him, but after he shot his dad… the social workers took him off and I lost track of him. So, when I found him again, I couldn't just turn my back on him."

"So what happened, Ray?" Kensi prodded.

"I volunteered to show the new guy the ropes in order to get Marty on his own," Ray said. "I confronted him, and he admitted to being a cop. Straight out—no denial. I suppose it probably doesn't sound like the smartest undercover strategy—he could've told me any number of lies at that moment, and I'd've probably believed him—but in that moment, he trusted me, and…"

"It was like you were those kids again," Kensi finished, understanding. Ray chuckled.

"Yeah." He sighed again. "You know, I always thought it was me looking out for him, but now I realize it was really the other way around."

Kensi just nodded, totally able to see how that would be the case. Deeks did it with her on a daily basis. He always made her feel like she was the tough one—like she was the protector—while always looking out for her needs and keeping her safe.

"He does that with me, too," Kensi finally admitted. "I'm not sure how he manages it—making it seem like I'm pulling my weight, when in reality he's protecting me—but he always does."

"When I got over the shock of him being a cop," Ray continued, "I tried to convince him to let it go and just become Max. Join for real and live the good life. I was high enough up, I could've gotten him a pretty posh position and he'd've been set—especially with that law degree. But he was adamant," Ray chuckled, and a soft note entered his voice, "He explained to me why he did it—that he wanted to put men like our dads, and worse, away. He wanted to stop violence before it could touch another child's life."

Kensi smiled and felt her hand rest on her stomach. _He will be an amazing father._

"He made me realize what I'd become. I wanted out, but I didn't know how. Marty could've turned me in with the rest of them, but instead he made me his CI, gave me immunity, and eventually a brand new life." Kensi heard Ray swallow hard. "I'll owe him for the rest of my life, Kens. And I know we're gonna find him."

"Yeah," Kensi breathed, not even really talking to Ray anymore. "Yeah. We have to. Andy has to know his daddy."

"Andy?"

Kensi startled at the reminder that she wasn't really alone.

"Andrew Donald Deeks," Kensi answered. "That's what we decided to name our son…"

She felt fresh, hot tears slide down her cheeks.

"So you're having a boy?" Ray asked. He was clearly trying to distract her, but Kensi latched onto the distraction.

"We're… well, it's too early to tell, honestly," Kensi said, closing her eyes. "It's just… I just know he's a boy."

"Mother's intuition?" Ray asked, a smile in his voice.

"Something like that," Kensi chuckled. She paused for a moment, and then the flood gates sprang open. "I was away on that classified mission Granger was raving about earlier," she said, the words tumbling out on top of themselves, "when I found out that I'm pregnant. I was… kinda freaking out."

"I can only imagine," Ray laughed.

"Okay, I was really freaking out," Kensi admitted. "But then I crawled into my bunk, closed my eyes, and I swear I could see him. A little boy with mismatched ocean blue eyes and shaggy blonde hair—or to quote Deeks, _golden Norwegian locks_…"

"Damn girl," Ray whistled, "you've got it bad."

Kensi choked out a laugh.

"Yeah," she said, shaking her head. "Yeah, I know. Just don't tell Deeks. I'll have to kick his ass when he gets back for scaring me like this."

"Deal." Ray was silent for a moment, and Kensi became lost in her favorite day dreams of her future. "You know," he said, startling Kensi out of her day dreams, "I remember the day he decided he was Norwegian."

"What do you mean 'he decided' he was Norwegian?" Kensi wondered aloud, feeling confusion sweep over her. Ray just laughed. "You mean he's been lying about that?" she demanded when Ray didn't continue.

"No," Ray quickly defended his friend, and Kensi felt ashamed that she'd ever even considered that. Ray sighed. "We were working on my family tree—it was for my science class, and even though Marty is younger, he's always been better at school—and Marty decided that he wanted to make his too." Ray paused for a minute to allow Kensi a moment to process.

"So you guys just made things up?" she asked, still not fully understanding. Ray snorted.

"Well it's not like either of us could ask our fathers without risking life and limb, and his mom was…" he trailed off, then began again. "Well, that's his story to tell. So we decided to make up our own, with anything we wanted."

"You created your own family trees?" Kensi breathed, once again in awe of this glimpse into her partner's past.

"Yeah," Ray laughed fondly at the memory. "He was ten years old, but he was absolutely adamant that it all be as legit as possible. I guess he was a mini-lawyer even back then." Kensi laughed at that. "I said that with his blonde hair and blue eyes, he could be a German, but he would NOT accept that. Apparently his class was learning about WWII, and Hitler reminded him of his father. He said his father had no place in his family tree."

Kensi choked back a sob, thinking of how different Deeks's childhood experience had been from her own. She'd idolized her father, whereas he had eliminated his father from his family tree.

"Then one day he met up with me, all excited," Ray continued. Kensi closed her eyes and pictured it—the image bringing a smile to her lips. "His class had learned about the Vikings, and he was absolutely convinced that he was really a Viking who'd been granted rebirth for his wonderful, daring quests…" Ray trailed off with a chuckle. "And we've been of Norwegian decent ever since."

"We?" Kensi caught onto that little detail.

"I told you we got to make it however we wanted," Ray said firmly. "We're brothers."

"Kens," Sam said, striding quickly through the doors. Kensi looked up quickly. "We think we've got a location."

Kensi felt a jolt of relief shoot through her, and she managed a small smile up at Sam.

"Okay," she said with a nod. "Thanks Ray," she continued softly. "For _everything_."

"We're family now, Kens," Ray said firmly. "Anytime. Anything."

Kensi smiled and hung up before she really lost it. Eric was already pulling up footage from the camera across the street from where they suspected Ortega had taken Deeks. He rewound the footage to around the time Deeks had gone offline. After watching figures speed by for what seemed like forever, Kensi finally gasped.

"There!" she exclaimed. She swallowed down her panic as she watched two men drag her unconscious partner into the abandoned warehouse. "Right there! We've got him!"

Callen and Sam both nodded, but neither of them made a move to exit OPS.

"Why aren't you going to get him?" Kensi demanded, pushing back flashbacks to the last time Deeks had been taken against his will. "We need to go get him now, before this can escalate." She paused and made direct eye contact with Sam. "_Again_."

"Not yet," Callen said. Kensi began to protest, but Callen raised his hand to cut her off. He nodded to the screen, and Kensi looked up to see that Eric had paused it. The time stamp showed the footage was live.

Deeks was walking out of the warehouse with James Ortega, talking and laughing—though not the real, genuine Marty Deeks laugh—as if they were old friends. Ortega turned to one of his men, and Deeks looked directly across the street and into the camera. He paused to look behind him once to make sure neither of the men were paying attention, then he turned back to the camera and flashed a discrete hand signal straight into it.

He nodded down to a cafe, two buildings down and held up three fingers. He glanced behind him once more before looking back to the camera. He smiled and held his hand out in the sign language for I love you—the same sign she'd signed to him so long ago as a failed attempt at a hang-loose sign. The little gesture was brief, but it was totally Deeks. It was just the kind of cheesy, ridiculous thing only he could get away with.

"Damn him," Kensi whispered as she felt a tear slide down her cheek, but she was smiling and her hand flashed the signal back even though he couldn't see it.

"Only Deeks would even try something like that," Sam said, unable to stop his laugh. "C'mon, G," he continued. "Let's go stake out that cafe. I think Deeks was sending us a message. It might be time for Drey and Scott to make an appearance," Sam said referring to their previously set up undercover identities.

Callen nodded and headed out the door. Sam made to follow him, but he paused a moment and stopped, studying Kensi intently. Kensi fought back a blush under his strict scrutiny.

"Take care of him, Sam," Kensi demanded. "I'm not there to watch his back, so—"

"You don't even have to ask, Kens," Sam interrupted. "He'll be back safe and sound before you know it. Then you can beat him up for scaring you like that."

Kensi just nodded and smiled to herself as she watched Sam walk out the door, knowing that it certainly wouldn't be a beating that Marty Deeks would be coming home to.


	12. A Mystery

_**AN: First off, thank you to everyone who reviewed :) **_

_**Okay, this is a waaaaay shorter than my usual chapters, but that's because it's mostly case-related. Also, I do a three week jump here, but don't worry. We'll get a glimpse into those weeks from Kensi's POV next chapter. Or, at least, that is the plan... As you'll see at the end of this **_**_chapter, even the best plans can change. Lol. _**

_**Also, a fair warning, this is a huge cliffy. I'm sorry to all of you, but now you've been warned. If you can't handle a cliff hanger, then please, wait until chapter 14 is posted to read this chapter. It'll be that long before the cliff hanger is resolved :)**_

_**As always, Fern looked this over before I posted so that there would be fewer errors for you all when you read it. She's pretty awesome, just saying... :) Also as usual, reviews speed up the writing process... just putting that out there ;)**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>When Deeks came to, his first thought was <em>'Thank God I'm not tied up'<em>. He wasn't sure how he would have reacted if he had been strapped down to a chair less than a year after Siderov.

He kept his body still and his eyes closed as he took in as much information as he could.

"…he doesn't wake up," a deep voice was saying. "I told you this was a bad idea."

"Shut up," Ortega's voice snapped. "He's not a suspect. He passed the test. When he wakes up, he's one of us."

Deeks held back a smirk. It was silent again, and he felt eyes on him, so he kept his body relaxed. He was reasonably satisfied that he wasn't in immediate danger from these men—and he was pretty sure he was in—so he continued to feign sleep.

While he sat there, completely still, he couldn't keep his mind away from Kensi.

_She must be so panicked right now,_ he realized, hating that he was the reason for it. He decided then and there that at the first opportunity, he'd let her know that he was safe and sound. _She certainly doesn't need any extra stress right now._

He brought himself awake all at once, tensing his body and jumping out of the chair. In a way that was completely Max Gentry, he swung first and thought later.

"Whoa, Marty," Ortega said, stepping back and holding up his arms. "Relax, man."

"Relax?" Deeks spat at him. "You knocked me out and dragged me God-knows-where! How'm I supposed to trust you now?"

"It was a test," Ortega said, stepping toward him. Deeks didn't flinch, and James grinned. "You passed."

Deeks held his hard expression for a few moments longer before he relaxed slightly and rubbed the back of his head.

"Wonderful," Deeks snapped bitterly. "Next time just ask, don't try to split my skull open like some damn caveman."

James laughed and reached over to clap Deeks on the back.

"You're just like Ray said," James said. Deeks narrowed his eyes at James.

"Yeah," he said, keeping his voice hard. "Well he was probably telling tales. Ray was good at spinning shit."

James laughed again and handed Deeks a bottle of water and two pills.

"Drink up, kid," he said. Internally Deeks bristled at the nickname he hadn't heard since he was a kid, but externally he just gave Ortega the finger and downed the whole bottle of water with the pills.

"So why'd you come lookin' for me?" James asked after a moment.

Deeks realized that there were many ways he could play this, but despite the risk, he knew he had to be as brazen as Max always was. So, he played it causal and just shrugged.

"I was just lookin' for some work," he said in a harsh tone, rubbing the back of his head. "Dammit, man," Deeks continued, inserting a bit hardened humor into his tone. "I know the economy sucks now, but seriously… I'm not this desperate for work."

Ortega laughed, and that was when Deeks knew he'd chosen correctly.

"Well, I suppose I could find a place for Ray's little brother," James said. He stuck his hand out to Deeks. "We haven't officially met. James Ortega."

"Martin Brandel," Deeks said. "But we both already knew that.

Ortega laughed.

"So Marty… can I call ya Marty?" he asked. Deeks nodded tersely. "What sorta experience you got?"

Deeks just smirked.

"It varies," Deeks said. "I've… _dabbled_ in quite a few things. Managed to finish law school."

"A lawyer?" Ortega said, surprise coloring his tone for the first time since meeting him. When the surprise finally faded, his eyes showed only greedy hunger. "Hmm… Ray never mentioned that."

"Yeah, well it took me a few years to finish," Deeks said. "I had to bust my ass and work my way through it. I didn't finish before—" Deeks stopped and just shrugged, not really needing to feign his sorrow. "Well… you know."

James Ortega nodded, and for a brief moment, his eyes showed genuine sadness.

"Ray was the real deal," James said. Deeks nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable talking about his oldest friend with this known criminal.

"Yeah," Deeks nodded. "We had a few… adventures back in the day."

"Well, if half the things Ray told me were true, we could sure use a guy like you," James said.

Deeks just looked at the older man, keeping his gaze guarded.

"What's in it for me?"

* * *

><p>Deeks followed James out of the warehouse, glancing around discretely. He immediately recognized that he hadn't been taken very far from the original meet location. He knew his coms had fallen out, and he was fairly certain his camera was broken.<p>

James was cracking jokes, already treating Deeks like a little brother, and Deeks was laughing in return.

When James turned toward one of his other men, Deeks took the opportunity to look directly into the camera across the street. He hoped that by now Eric had found him and the team was watching from OPS.

He held up three fingers and looked at the cafe just down the street. It was simple, and he hoped that Sam and Callen would meet him there at three. He glanced behind him again, but James was still distracted, so he turned back to the camera with a wide smile and flashed an _I love you_ sign straight into it. He laughed softly as he remembered when Kensi had flashed that same sign at him, in an attempt to pull a hang-loose sign.

_Hopefully Kensi won't kill me for that. _

* * *

><p>At three o'clock on the dot Deeks walked into the diner, grateful to see Sam and Callen already there and in a private booth towards the back. Deeks had told James he was meeting with associates who could help with their venture, and he was still shocked that James had taken him at his word.<p>

"Well, how nice of you to show up, Marty," Sam said, his gruff tone covering a smile. Deeks just snorted at the sound of his first name.

"That's just strange," Callen muttered before fully slipping into character. "You in?" Deeks just nodded curtly. "Good. You're the best in we've got, and it seems that this is even bigger than we realized."

"How so?" Deeks wondered, getting a bad feeling about this development.

"Turns out their fixer is a big time player in LA," Callen said. "He goes by the name John—probably as in Doe—and he's the connection to the LA cell." Deeks just nodded again, motioning for Callen to continue. "You're gonna have to stay in until you can meet John."

"I'm not making this a long-term stint," Deeks said firmly, ignoring the fact that Callen bristled slightly. "I have a family now," he continued, meeting Callen's stare head on. "I'm not leaving Kensi to deal with everything on her own for Hetty-knows how long."

"Of course not, Deeks," Sam agreed with him immediately, straightening his shoulders and sending Deeks a look that let the younger man know that he had his back. "You'll just stay in long enough to get the information we need."

Deeks just nodded and let his eyes wander out the window. He was grateful that Sam was backing him up, because there was just no way Callen would understand.

"How is she?" He asked quietly, unable to look at either of the men as he asked the question.

"Well she got your little message," Sam said with a chuckle. Deeks let out a genuine smile for the first time since the whole mess had started. "Sign language?" Sam teased with a genuine laugh. Deeks couldn't help laughing at himself with Sam. "Really man?"

"Hey, it made her smile, right?" he defended himself. Sam stopped laughing, but he was still smiling.

"It did," he agreed. Deeks nodded.

"Then it was worth it," he said firmly. He smiled slightly as he imagined her face. "How mad is she?"

"At you?" Sam clarified. Deeks nodded. "She's not."

Deeks cocked his head to the side in confusion. Callen let out a long sigh.

"She's not mad at you, Deeks," Callen said. "She's mad at me. And Hetty. And Granger." He paused for a moment. "Pretty much everyone _but_ you."

Deeks laughed at that.

"That's my girl," he muttered under his breath.

"So, we need to get John," Deeks clarified. "That's the play?" Callen nodded, but Sam looked uneasy.

"Don't do anything rash, Deeks," Sam cautioned, but Deeks just shook his head.

_I'll do whatever it takes,_ he promised himself.

"I'll do whatever it takes, Sam," he said aloud. "No more, no less."

Sam just nodded his acceptance.

"I'm in," Deeks continued. "James talked me through his business. It's just a matter of time till I can make contact with the fixer." Both men nodded at Deeks's assessment. "But I wasn't kidding, Callen. We wrap this up and I'm out."

Callen looked over at Sam, and Sam nodded with a significant look. Callen sighed.

"Okay."

* * *

><p>Three weeks later, Deeks had more than enough bring in James and several of his associates on life sentences. He even had enough to bring in their Fixer, a man James just referred to as John. He'd had to hold off on the raid until today because this was the first time he'd get to chat face-to-face with this John.<p>

_Tonight,_ he promised himself. _You'll be back with Kensi tonight._

He was wearing his new coms unit and camera, effectively connected to the Sam, Callen, OPS, and the SWAT team. All he had to do was say the word and this whole thing would be over.

"I'm glad you'll finally get to meet John," James said for what seemed to Deeks to be the millionth time. Deeks just nodded, but Ortega had more to say. "He's usually not such a friendly guy, but he's been vital to the success of our operation here in LA. He normally won't meet up with newbies, but when I told him who wanted to meet him… well he was in. And besides," James nodded to someone standing behind Deeks. "I'm just a sucker for family reunions."

Deeks froze, desperately hoping those words didn't mean what he thought they meant. He turned around, not quite believing it could be possible. The face was scarred and half of his face was unrecognizable, but sure enough, it was him. Gordon John Brandel.

"Well hey there, son," Gordon John Brandel said, his familiar, haunting grin causing Deeks to shudder internally. "Long time no see."


	13. Today Is A Gift

_**AN: First off, I just wanted to let you all know that I would never—under any circumstances—even consider killing off Deeks for real. I don't care if you consider that a spoiler alert, or if this next statement offends you. I wouldn't consider NCIS: LA worth watching without Deeks anymore. He's… well, he's my favorite! **_

_**That said, thank you for your responses to that last chapter! You guys are amazing, and it's thanks to you (and foxy and CoastalReader and Fern, and others) that this chapter has come as soon as it is. I seriously got a majority of chapter 14 (though that isn't finished yet, either) before I got 13… man, that's just how it's been going lately :) Crazy. **_

_**I decided to take actual cases and make them work for my story, so here you'll see variations of mid season 5, 6x08, and others. Because… well… why not!? **_

_**Okay, all of that said, this is the LONGEST chapter yet! I hope that you all enjoy reading it, and please leave me a review! It'll speed up the process of chapter 14 and finding out what's happening with Deeks! **_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p>"…don't like it, G," Sam was saying as he walked into the mission with Callen. Kensi turned her head toward the voices. "Deeks isn't gonna like it. And you <em>know<em> Kensi won't like it, either."

"I know," Callen replied. "But it really doesn't matter whether they—"

"What won't I like?" Kensi demanded, making her presence known to the senior agents. She felt her stomach clench at their guilty expressions. Her glare hardened as she stared first at Callen and then at Sam.

"Sam?" she demanded, deciding that he would be the more forthcoming of the two. After all, he understood more than Callen what it was like to be in her position.

"It's bigger than we thought, Kens," Sam said, shooting her a sympathetic look.

"Bigger how?" Kensi demanded. Sure, she knew what it meant—she'd been at this job too long to be naive about anything—but considering the circumstances, she just needed them to spell it out for her.

"It's gonna take longer than we thought," Callen said, matter-of-factly. "And as much as you may hate it, he's our only in."

Out of Callen's whole speech, all Kensi heard was _it's gonna take longer. _

But she wasn't some weak damsel, and this absolutely wasn't going to break her. She'd asked Deeks to be patient for her, and now she could be patient for him.

"How long?" she demanded, internalizing her emotional reaction and fixing her steely, Badass Blye glare on Callen. "How. Much. Longer?"

"As long as it takes, Kens," Callen said. He sighed and reached out his hand to touch her shoulder, but Kensi flinched away from his touch.

"_Don't_… touch me."

Callen's eyes widened in shock, but he lowered his hand nonetheless.

"Have you gotten any sleep?" Sam asked, effectively saving his partner from Kensi's immediate attention.

"Sleep?" Kensi repeated, the word almost sounding foreign. She shook her head and instantly regretted it when she noticed Sam's and Callen's over protective looks.

"Go home, Kensi," Callen demanded. Kensi just glared at him.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said, narrowing her eyes at her team leader, "until I know _exactly_ what is going on with my _partner_."

"We'll know more after our meeting with Deeks," Sam rationalized. "I know you don't want to go home, but remember… it's not about you." He paused. "I promised Deeks I'd look out for you," he continued, ignoring the surprised look from his partner. "And you know that if Deeks were here, he'd be saying the exact same thing. Only I'm sure he'd have already had you persuaded."

Kensi sighed, a small smile briefly gracing her face at that last comment.

_He's right, though,_ she rationalized. _Deeks is the only one who can ever talk me into something I don't think I want to do._

It really had been a long, hard day that was made even longer and harder because of the little life currently using up more than half of her energy—a little life that she already knew she would do anything to protect. And really, there wasn't anything she could do that would be helpful to Deeks, except take care of their child.

"You know I'm right," Sam prodded. Kensi sighed and reluctantly nodded.

"I'll rest on the couch," she finally conceded. She raised her hand to cut off the guys' protests. "I'm staying here until you get back from checking in with Deeks, so take what you can get," she said firmly. "You will wake me as soon as you get back. Then, if everything is okay, I'll go home for the night."

Callen started to protest again, but Sam cut him off, realizing that this was the best they were going to get.

"We'll come find you as soon as we get back, Kens," Sam promised. Kensi nodded and turned toward the bullpen. By the time she reached the couch, she had no energy left. She eased her way down onto the couch, settled in, closed her eyes, and allowed her mind to wander.

Half of her was still tense and worried about Deeks. The other half, however, knew to trust her partner—and even more, to trust her _Deeks_—to keep his promise to her. She smiled.

_Marty Deeks keeps his promises. _

* * *

><p>"Kensi. Kensi!"<p>

Kensi opened her eyes and blinked. Slowly, Sam and Callen's faces came into focus.

"How is he?" she demanded.

"He's fine," Callen said simply. Kensi glared at him, but Sam stepped in before she could chastise Callen for the lack of information.

"He's a little shaken up," Sam said quickly, and Kensi's attention immediately transferred to him. "But he really is fine. We met up with him, and then we staked out the warehouse. Obviously he's not happy about leaving you for a time, but he knows he has to."

Kensi nodded, not really surprised to hear any of that.

"What did he say?" she asked, emphasizing that she wanted to know everything. Her glare added the unspoken threat of what would happen to the guys if they left anything out.

"Well, it's strange as hell to call him Marty," Sam said. Kensi laughed quietly, shooting Sam a grateful look. He just smiled back, his gaze full of understanding.

"Deeks is in," Callen said, bringing Kensi back to the mission. "He's solid with Ortega—says the guy already sees him like a little brother."

"He is our best in," Sam agreed. "But he also made it very clear that his family—_you_—are his first priority."

Kensi smiled, easily able to picture her usually laid-back partner standing up to the senior agents. One of his greatest strengths was getting people to underestimate him. He was so good at it that even his own teammates, and—Kensi was ashamed to even remember—his own partner had underestimated him for a long time.

"That's my partner," Kensi murmured.

"Yes it is," Sam agreed, shaking his head. He met Kensi's eyes and she could clearly see that he was remembering when he'd underestimated Deeks. Kensi knew she still didn't know the full extent of what had happened to the two men in that auto body shop—Deeks had never shared the details—but she could tell that something significant had changed between her partner and the Senior Field Agent.

"I underestimated him at first, too you know," Kensi said softly. "It's one of his greatest strengths. And it will serve him well on this OP."

Sam nodded his agreement.

"You're right," he said. Kensi cocked her head to the side, her expression clearly saying _aren't I always? _Sam laughed and looked down at his phone. "Head home, Kens. It's almost seven, and you need to get some sleep. He's got a coms, camera, and GPS. He's safe for the night."

Kensi nodded and gathered up her things. She paused on her way out and turned around.

"Thanks Sam," she said softly. Sam just smiled and nodded.

Kensi continued out of the mission, got into the driver's side of her SRX, and headed home. Before she consciously decided where she was headed, she was pulling up into her spot at Deeks's apartment.

_Not just Deeks's apartment,_ she reminded herself. _Ours. _

She smiled—half giddy from her revelation and half sad as she wished Deeks was there to share it with her—as she let herself into the apartment.

Immediately, Monty was jumping around her. He let out a welcoming bark and she reached down and scratched his ears.

"Hey, Monty," she said. He looked past her at the door, his tail wagging, clearly waiting for his master to return. She sighed. "Daddy's not coming home tonight," she said. She grabbed Monty's leash and Deeks's windbreaker, slipping the windbreaker over her head. "But he'll be back. _Soon_." The dog just cocked his head at her and huffed as if he understood. "C'mon. Let's take you out."

Kensi walked Monty outside quickly to do his business. It was already dark out, and the night was unusually cool for LA, even in the winter.

"Hurry up, Monty," Kensi said, shifting back and forth and hugging Deeks's windbreaker tighter to her body. "It's cold."

He just looked up at her with his puppy dog eyes as if to say, _but I haven't found the right spot yet._ Kensi glared at the dog, but he ignored her and went back to sniffing.

After what seemed like hours, Monty finally found the right spot to do his business, and Kensi yanked him back to the apartment. She put some food out for Monty and headed into Deeks's room—_their room_—wanting nothing more than to fall into the oblivion of sleep.

She pulled off her t-shirt and rummaged around the room, looking for one of Deeks's shirts to sleep in. Out of the corner of her eyes, she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror on the door to Deeks's attached bathroom.

She walked closer and inspected her body, placing her hands on a small bump that she could have sworn was not there only just that morning.

She smile as she ran her hands over and around the slight bump. It was amazing and breath-taking and…

_Deeks should be here. _

And just like that, she felt tears well up in her eyes.

_Stop it,_ she ordered herself. _You don't cry. Stop it! _

But she couldn't help it. As she slipped her jeans off and his shirt on, she gave into the tears. It was as if the last few months—being uprooted and sent to Afghanistan alone, finding out she was pregnant, getting home, telling Deeks and then telling everyone else, Deeks being sent undercover and worrying over him—was all finally hitting her. She was beyond exhausted, and on top of that, her hormones were surely playing a part.

Just then, Monty clamored into the room, jumped onto the bed, and snuggled into Kensi. She decided then that it would be okay—with only Monty as a witness—to give in to the tears. She was exhausted, anyways, so she only cried for a few minutes before she drifted off to sleep, clinging on to Monty.

* * *

><p>The next morning Kensi called and checked in with OPS, but they were just monitoring, and nothing new was happening. Since she really was tired, she decided to take Hetty's advice (demand) and take the day off. An hour after hanging up the phone, however, Kensi was ready to go crazy.<p>

She thought maybe she should go to her apartment and get her things together, but the idea of moving into Deeks's place without him there to help… well, it just didn't feel right. So she showered, cleaned up, and took Monty for a walk on the beach. While they were walking, she got some of the fish tacos that she usually hated. She scrunched up her nose as she took the first bite, but they tasted amazing. She knew that it was because of the little half-Deeks that was inside her.

Once she'd finished lunch, she brought Monty back to Deeks's apartment, grabbed her keys, and set off. Before she really had time to register what she wanted to do, she was sitting outside Babies R Us.

_Touché subconscious,_ she thought to herself, smirking slightly. She could imagine Deeks's grin at her properly using their word.

_Okay,_ she told herself firmly. _Okay. You can do this. Just go in there and look around. No need to buy anything yet, just go in there and look around. It's like surveillance. Learn what the target needs. _

Kensi laughed at herself, and she could only imagine Deeks's amusement as she internally referred to their son as _the target_. Taking a deep breath, she stepped out of the car and walked confidently into the store.

Her confidence lasted all of five seconds once she'd passed through the automatic doors. The first thing she noticed was the noise. There were babies fussing everywhere. To her left, a mother was holding a—colicky? was that the word?—screaming baby in the formula aisle. To her right, another mother was holding a much more docile baby, while attempting to reign in her anything-but-docile older children. Straight in front of her, two mothers were comparing strange, torturous looking devices, and Kensi had no clue what they were even for.

For a long moment, Kensi stood there frozen.

_You are a federal agent!_ she chided herself. _Get in there! _

Hesitantly, she took a step forward. Steering clear of the two mothers discussing those strange contraptions, she headed into the stuffed animal aisle.

_Okay, _she thought to herself. _Okay, this is good. _

She reached out and touched one—an adorable little lamb—almost dropping it in shock at how soft it was. Too soft. Too precious. Too… much. It was all too much. Kensi gently placed the lamb back on the shelf and backed away. She backed right into another woman.

"I'm-I'm so s-s-sorry!" Kensi exclaimed, tripping on her feet as she backed away from the woman. "I was just—just, um…"

The woman glanced down at Kensi's body then met her eyes.

"You're obviously not a mother," the woman said rudely. "If you're looking for a good gift, you might as well just pick out a gift card." She then turned and walked off with her young hoard following her.

Kensi felt like the world was spinning, and she backed her way out of the store, desperate for some air. She needed Deeks, but unfortunately, that wasn't an option. Instead, she pulled out her phone and tried her next best option.

"Kensi!" Julia answered on the second ring. "I'm so glad to hear from you so soon! How are you, sweetie?"

Kensi tried to calm her breathing, but it wasn't working.

"Kensi?" Julia called again, her voice concerned.

"I'm—fine," Kensi choked out, still unable to really breath. "I just—I, uh… I mean, I—" she couldn't get her mind to form a full sentence.

"Where are you?" Julia asked. Kensi felt relief flood her.

"I'm—I'm at B-b-babies R Us," Kensi sobbed, surprised to find tears streaming down her face.

"Okay, which one?" her mother asked, keeping her voice calm. Kensi took several deep breaths to calm herself, and then chocked out the street she was pretty sure she was on.

"That's pretty close to me, Kens," Julia said, her tone still calm and even. "I'll be there in ten minutes." Kensi nodded and went to hang up the phone, but Julia beat her to it. "Don't you dare hang up, Kensi," she said. "You don't have to talk, just stay on the line. Okay?"

"Okay," Kensi repeated softly. She leaned against her car, closing her eyes and tilting her head to face the sun.

_Sunshine and gunpowder._

She'd heard Deeks say that about her once, and she couldn't help but smile as the memory washed over her. She stood there, breathing in the fresh air and thinking about Deeks, until her mother pulled up. In two seconds flat, Julia was out of the car and had Kensi in her arms.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Julia said, her voice finally showing some emotion other than calm. Kensi felt guilty.

"I'm sorry I worried you—"

"Don't be sorry," Julia said, stepping back and holding Kensi's shoulders. "Just tell me what's going on. Where's Marty?"

At the mention of Deeks, Kensi felt her eyes tear up again.

"He's, uh, he's okay," Kensi chocked out, wanting to alleviate her mother's fears.

"Why don't you come home with me," Julia said after a long moment. "Are you okay to drive?"

Kensi took a deep breath and nodded.

"Yeah," she said, rubbing a hand across her face and through her hair. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Julia nodded, and without another word, she got into her own vehicle. Kensi got into her SRX and followed her mother home.

* * *

><p>"So," Julia began once they were settled comfortably on her couch. "What happened?"<p>

"Deeks is, uh, working an undercover op," Kensi began. Once she opened her mouth, the words seemed to just spill out. "He's the only in that we have, but this case, it's… well… it's related to his… his past."

"His past?" Julia questioned, and Kensi could see the confusion in her mother's eyes.

"He didn't have the greatest childhood," Kensi said slowly. She wasn't sure how much Deeks would be comfortable having her share with her mother. "He hasn't always been… Deeks. And this case is making him be… who he would've been if he hadn't decided to be… Deeks."

Julia nodded, and Kensi looked down at her hands while she struggled to go on.

"Anyway, he's gone. He hates it; I hate it; but that's just how things go. How this job goes…" Kensi trailed off as she realized that truth in those words. "But without this job, I never would've met him. And he's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Kensi looked up to see her mother's understanding smile. At Julia's nod of encouragement, Kensi spilled the rest.

"Hetty kinda forced me to take the day off. But Deeks is gone, and it didn't feel right to move my things in without him there to tease me about being a hoarder, and I took Monty to the beach, but that didn't feel right without Deeks, either, and so I thought maybe I could do some… research," Kensi caught herself from referring to it as surveillance and her child as the target in front of her mother. She doubted Julia would find it as funny as Deeks was sure to.

"I walked into that place, and babies were crying, and mother's were trying to control their older children, and these two women were arguing over these… awful looking devices, and I just—" she took a deep breath. "I backed into this woman, and she was… she said I obviously wasn't a mother. But I am!" Kensi felt a tear slip down her cheek, and she angrily wiped it away. "I may not look like a mother—and until I knew about Andy, I'd never pictured myself as a mother, either—but I am! I love him, so, so, so much."

"So… Andy, huh?" Julia questioned, her tone part curious and part excited.

"Well, Andrew," Kensi said, blushing softly. "That part was my idea. Andrew is Deeks's middle name. And then Deeks—because he just does these amazingly perfect things, you know?—suggested Andrew Donald Deeks. That's what we decided on, for his name."

"Your dad would've been so honored," Julia said, tears now slipping down her cheeks as she pulled Kensi in for a hug. Kensi nodded and hugged her mother tighter, already knowing that but grateful for her mother's confirmation nonetheless. "So," Julia continued after a long pause. "You're having a boy?"

Kensi blushed again and looked over at her mother.

"Well… we don't know for sure," she said, resting a hand lovingly on her barely-there baby bump. "But I was… away," she said, stumbling over her classified location, "when I realized I was pregnant." Julia nodded. "And I kinda freaked out. But then I closed my eyes and imagined a little boy who looks exactly like a mini-Deeks. And I just… I knew. I fell in love with this little life right at that moment, and I can't wait to meet him. To see what traits he has. Will he be neat like Deeks, or a mess like me? Will he have my mismatched eyes in his daddy's beautiful shade of blue? There are just so many amazing… possibilities."

"That's beautiful, Kensi," Julia said, her smile reaching her voice. "You're an amazing mother, and don't you dare let one rude mother make you think otherwise."

Kensi managed a grateful, albeit watery, smile and nodded her thanks to her mother.

"What if I go with you to the store later this week?" Julia suggested suddenly. "You could bring a friend, too, if you wanted. Maybe it wouldn't be so overwhelming if you weren't on your own, and you could still do some _research_."

Kensi let out a relieved sigh and nodded, unable to keep from chuckling softly at her mother's comment.

Julia smiled, and Kensi found the strength to smile back.

"Good," Julia said, rising and offering her hand. "Now… how about we start a movie night?" Kensi took the outstretched hand, allowing her mother to help her to her feet. "I still have a bunch of your childhood movies in a box in the attic. Maybe that'll help get you in the spirit!"

Kensi smiled at that.

"That sounds perfect, mom." She moved to the stairs. "I'll just go pull that box down—"

"Oh no you won't," Julia cut her off. Kensi turned a confused look to her mom. "I will not have my pregnant daughter lugging boxes down from the attic." Kensi started to protest, but her mother wouldn't have it. "No. I'm sure you could probably do it, but I'm going to take care of you the same way Marty would if he were here. I know I'm not as good at it as he is—he'd probably be able to take care of you without you even noticing—but I'm still gonna try."

Kensi debated how to respond—should she be angry or touched at her mother's concern?—before she just smiled and nodded your head.

"You're right," she said, stepping away from the stairs and following her mother up. "Deeks wouldn't want me doing any of this, but he'd know I would still feel the need to help. So, he'd probably tease me about the spiders waiting up there and complain that it's the 21st century and he," she smiled as she imagined the scene she was describing, "he'd pretend to be horrified, so of course I'd make him go get the boxes. And he would haul them down, and then he'd make me carry the lightest one."

Kensi looked up to see her mother smiling at her, and she blushed.

"What?" she demanded, her tone embarrassed. Julia just laughed softly.

"It's just amazing to me how much you two love each other," she said, her smile widening. "My little grand baby is such a blessed little guy."

Kensi smiled and Julia climbed into the attic.

"How about The Lion King?" Julia called down.

"I remember going to that in theaters with you and dad," Kensi said, smiling as she recalled the memory.

"The Lion King it is," Julia declared. "And if we feel like it, we'll follow it up with Beauty and the Beast."

Kensi laughed and pulled her mother close as they headed down the steps to the basement.

"That sounds perfect."

* * *

><p>Then next morning, Kensi left her mother's house early enough to head to Deeks's apartment to shower and get ready for work. She let Monty out, and quickly headed to the mission.<p>

"What was the name of the bad guy from The Lion King?" Callen asked Sam as Kensi walked into the bullpen alone.

"I don't know what you talking about," Sam said, looking down and grinning.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Callen teased Sam, and Kensi couldn't help the slight pang of jealousy that shot through her heart. "It was practically on a loop at your house."

"Scar," Kensi said, answering Callen's question without a problem since she'd just watched the movie not even twelve hours earlier. "What are we talking about?"

"Nothing," Sam said, shaking his head.

"Which Disney character Sam dressed up as for his daughter's birthday party," Callen answered over his partner.

"Hmmm… Balou from The Jungle Book. Oh! Or Beast, from Beauty and the Beast," Kensi answered with a smile. "Large, fearless. Heart of gold."

"Oh look at this," Sam said as he threw up his hands. "Lady and Scamp helping out Goofy!"

Both Callen and Kensi gaped at Sam in disbelief for a moment.

"My partner, Sam Hanna, ladies and gentlemen!" Callen teased. "Deflecting!"

"Did you just refer to my son as… Scamp?" Kensi demanded, playfully narrowing her eyes. While Sam saw the playful gleam in her eyes, he still swallowed nervously. She may be joking, but her mood could change at the drop of a hat.

"Yeah…?" Sam said hesitantly. Kensi just glared at him, clearly unimpressed. "You know… Lady and the Tramp?" Sam prompted. "Their son's name is—"

"I'm familiar with the movie, Sam Hanna," Kensi said sharply. She stepped up to face Sam fully. "But I don't think it's wise for you to—"

Eric's whistle cut her off mid-sentence.

"Time to meet the band, ladies!" he called. The whole team turned confused expressions toward him.

"What?" Kensi finally said, tilting her head in confusion.

"Just… trying out some new catch phrases," Eric explained.

"Yeah? Well try harder," Sam said.

"Grumpy?" Callen tried again as the three moved to follow Eric. Even Kensi laughed at that one.

In OPS, the team was briefed on their case involving Nichole Borders. Or, according to Callen, _the Nichole Borders. _It also involved Kip Brigham, and Kensi couldn't help but wish Deeks was here. He absolutely loved basketball, and he would have snapped up the opportunity to interview Kip Brigham.

"Ms. Blye, why don't you join Ms. Jones to interview Mr. Brigham," Hetty suggested, appearing from the back of OPS. Kensi's eyes snapped up, and she felt a genuine smile grace her face for the first time since Deeks had gone under.

"You're… really?" she breathed. Hetty simply nodded.

"Really," she said, inclining her head regally. Kensi wasn't about to question it again, lest she change her mind. She grabbed Nell and was dragging her out of OPS when Hetty called out to her.

"Ms. Blye."

Kensi stopped in her tracks, turning responsibly around to receive her warning.

"This is a standard interview, and there should be no complications. However," Hetty cautioned, her gorgon stare flitting back and forth between Kensi and Nell, "should anything feel even slightly off, you are to remove yourselves from the situation. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Hetty." "Absolutely." Kensi and Nell responded at the same time.

"There's absolutely no reason for you to be at risk, Ms. Blye," Hetty repeated. Kensi nodded, completely agreeing with her boss.

"C'mon, Nell," Kensi said, once again dragging the redhead out of OPS. "Let's go meet Kip Brigham!"

"Interview!" Eric's voice called from behind them in OPS. Both Kensi and Nell laughed and continued on their way out to the parking lot.

"Oh, Deeks is gonna be so bummed that he missed this!" Kensi said, choosing to focus on the positive. "I can't wait to tell him when he gets back. He's gonna be so jealous."

"I bet," Nell said as she slipped into the passenger's seat of Kensi's SRX. "From his records, it looks like he's a pretty good player."

Kensi smiled.

"Yeah," she said as she pulled out of the mission parking lot. "Deeks and I have been to quite a few games, actually. Deeks always likes to joke that he could beat Kip Brigham at one-on-one."

Nell laughed at that.

"He can't even beat you," Nell said.

"That's what I said!" Kensi agreed. Then the smile slipped off her face. "I miss him."

"I know you do, Kens," Nell sighed. "But he's gonna be back sooner than you know. He told Sam and Callen that he wasn't going to make this a long term thing, and if it took more than a month, he was done."

Kensi just nodded and fell silent. She was worried and trying damn hard not to be.

_He should be here for this,_ she thought to herself, not just referring to interviewing Kip Brigham. _All of this. _

She smiled sadly as she imagined all of the cheesy, cheeky comments he'd be making.

"Wooooow," Nell said as they pulled up in front of a mansion and got out of Kensi's car. They walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell.

"Nice cars," Kensi said, off-handedly.

"I bet even Sam would be jealous," Nell agreed.

"Oh, he'd be—"

The door opened, cutting off Kensi's comment and revealing a bikini-clad, blonde haired woman.

"NCIS," Kensi said, flashing her badge before the woman could speak. "We're here to speak to Mr. Brigham."

"Mr. Brigham?" the basketball star himself said, coming up behind the woman. "That would be my old man." He paused as his eyes raked over Kensi's body. "_You_ can call me Kip."

"Mr. Brigham," Kensi said, emphasizing his formal name and narrowing her eyes at him. "We have a few questions for you."

"Well then… why don't you come on inside and we can talk?" he said. His grin turned mischievous. "Alone…"

Kensi just smirked, and her hand unconsciously brushed against her stomach. The baby bump was barely visible, but she could feel it, and it calmed her immensely.

"Not even a little interested," Kensi said, waving her hand and pushing her way into the house. Nell followed her. "We're here to talk to you about Jack Chapman, the SunSet Scoop reporter."

"What about him?" Kip asked, shutting the door and turning toward them. He didn't seem at all phased by Kensi's rejection.

"He charged you with assault," Nell said.

"Yeah, and the charges were dropped," Kip explained. Kensi cocked her head to the side, and Kip sighed. "Look, I was just defending myself. Those paparazzi can be crazy. He came at he, and I reacted. Simple as that. You want more information, you're gonna have to talk to him."

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Kensi said firmly.

"Why?" Kip asked, seeming genuinely confused.

"He was killed last night," Nell said.

"Wow," Kip said, sounding genuinely surprised. "How?"

"We're still trying to determine that. Where were you last night, Mr. Brigham?" Kensi asked, getting right down to the point.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Kip said, holding up his hands. "You think _I_ killed him?"

"We are pursuing a variety of leads," Kensi said. Kip reached for his phone, and Kensi immediately questioned it. "What are you doing?" she demanded. After all, there was no reason for him to lawyer up if he wasn't guilty.

"I'm calling my man Marty," Kip said. "He used to be a lawyer, but now he's a cop. He works with some branch of the feds—pretty sure he said NCIS? He'll help me sort this whole mess out."

"Wait," Kensi said, holding her hand up. "Are—do you mean Marty _Deeks_?"

"Yeah," Kip said, his eyes flashing in relief. "Do you know him?" Nell burst out in laughter at that, and Kip looked at her confused. "Or maybe you know his partner, Fern?"

At that, Kensi couldn't help but laugh as well, though Kip still looked confused.

"I'm sorry, I failed to introduce myself. Kensi Blye," Kensi said, extending her hand to Kip Brigham. "Also known to my partner—and _only_ my partner—as Fern."

"_Wooooow_," Kip said as he shook her hand, finally joining Kensi and Nell in laughter.

"How exactly did you and Deeks meet?" Kensi asked, narrowing her eyes at this man she hadn't even heard of before. From her partner, at least.

"Well damn," Kip said. "He wasn't kidding. You _are_ bad."

"He—he talked to you about me?" Kensi asked, officially thrown off her game. Kip just shook his head at her.

"You do know Marty, right?" he jabbed playfully. Kensi bristled at the suggestion. "It don't take much to get him to talkin'."

"Of course I know Deeks!" she snapped. "I know him better than anyone."

"Whoa, I was just joking," Kip said, taking a physical step back and backpedaling quickly. "Of course you do. I'm sorry, I just meant—"

"No, I'm sorry," Kensi said, reigning in her emotions by resting her hand on her barely-there baby bump. "It's just been a long week, and I'm a little…" She waved her hand and took a deep breath. "Sorry."

"No worries," Kip said, turning away and grabbing his iPad. "I was in New York all month. Got back this morning. I'll email you the flight plans and confirmations." Kensi nodded. "I met Marty when we were young," Kip said. "We haven't always been on the same side of the street war, and we've fallen out of touch from time to time, but somehow, we've always managed to be good buddies. I consider him my best friend. And I've never heard him talk about anyone the way he talks about you."

Kensi felt a blush heat up her cheeks. "Thank you," she said, smiling softly and looking down to try and cover her blush.

"I'm just glad I got to meet you," Kip said. His mischievous smile sent a pang through Kensi's heart as she noted it's similarity to Deeks's. "I should've known—with the way that he kept you to himself—that you were a looker. I just assumed Marty was exaggerating."

Kensi blushed again, but she smiled anyway.

"He does have a tendency of doing that," she agreed. Kip just laughed.

"So where is that lunatic, anyway?" he asked, still grinning. Kensi felt her smile falter. "I've been calling him for weeks now."

"He's… not available," Kensi choked out.

"He's currently working another case," Nell said, causing Kensi to remember that she was there. Kip nodded in understanding. "We should really get going, Kens," Nell continued. "I'm sure Hetty would like you back in OPS."

Kensi nodded and reached out to shake Kip's hand.

"It was nice to meet you, Kip," she said, bringing back her earlier smile. Kip grasped her hand firmly.

"You too, Kensi," he said, meeting her gaze and holding her hand for a moment longer than necessary. "When Marty gets back, we should all get together." Kensi nodded, but Kip still didn't release her hand. "And if you need anything," he said firmly, finally releasing her hand and handing her a card, "_please_ let me know. Marty is like a brother to me, and I know I don't know you, but I'd really like to help you out while Marty is away. And for sure call me when he gets back. I can't wait to rake him over the coals for not introducing us sooner!"

Kensi nodded and smiled.

"I will," she said softly, following Nell out the door. "Thank you," she called over her shoulder. Kip nodded and waved.

"Well that was unexpected," Nell said, giggling as Kensi finally slid into the SRX. Kensi sighed and let out a soft laugh.

"No kidding," she agreed.

"Seriously," Nell continued as Kensi backed out of Kip Brigham's driveway and onto the road back to the mission. "I've never seen a guy go from flirty to defensive to almost brotherly so quickly. And add to that the fact that he's a big-time basketball star?" She paused. "Crazy!"

Kensi couldn't help but laugh at that. It _was_ pretty funny.

"So Deeks has _never_ mentioned being friends with Kip Brigham?" Nell asked after a moment. "_Ever_? I find that really hard to believe."

Kensi thought back for a moment, recalling vague stories from partner-bonding nights.

"You know," she said after a long pause, "I think he has. I mean, now that I think about it, I've been hearing 'my friend Kip' stories for years. I guess I just never realized he meant Kip _Brigham_."

Once they arrived at the mission, they headed up to OPS. Sam and Callen were already there.

"Where have you guys been?" Callen demanded as soon as they walked in. "We were just about to call you. We've already been to the boat shed to talk to Officer Borders."

"We're fine, Callen," Kensi said, trying not to get annoyed. She had to remember that, because she was pregnant, everyone was going to be a little overprotective. Unfortunately, the only one she'd really accept that from was Deeks, and he wasn't there at that particular moment to calm her down. "We just got caught up talking to Kip. His alibi checks out, by the way."

She fingered Kip's card that was still in her hand, and she carefully slipped it into her pocket.

"What was that?" Sam asked, obviously trying to change the subject. Kensi looked confused for a moment before she realized Sam was talking about Kip's card.

"Oh, that's just Kip's card," she said nonchalantly.

"His card?" Callen demanded. "You _do_ realize that you're pregnant with another man's child, right?" Kensi glared at him, just barely resisting the temptation to smack him. Luckily for Callen, Sam did it for her.

"Of course I remember, Callen," Kensi snapped. "Kip Brigham is an old buddy of _Deeks's_. Since Deeks isn't here right now, Kip was just offering to help if I needed anything."

"Oh," Callen said, looking chastised. "I was just—"

Kensi cut Callen off with a look that clearly said _save it. _

"Wow," Sam cut in, effectively steering Kensi's attention away from Callen. "Deeks is friends with Kip Brigham? And he's never mentioned it? He's gonna hear about that when he gets back!"

Kensi chuckled at that, momentarily forgetting her frustration with Callen's lack of forethought before speaking.

"Yeah," she agreed. "I've always wondered how he got such great tickets on his budget. Although, he does have a decent amount saved from when he was a big-shot lawyer."

Sam laughed and Kensi narrowed her eyes at him.

"Oh, c'mon!" Sam protested, holding his hands up in the air. "You can't tell me it's not funny to picture Shaggy in a suit and tie every day," he exclaimed.

Kensi grudgingly nodded.

"Yeah," she agreed. "He hates suits."

"What're we talking about?" Nell asked as she joined the team in the bullpen.

"Deeks in a tie," Sam said as both he and Callen rose from their seats. "G and I were just headed out, and we'll probably be gone the rest of the day. See you tomorrow?"

Kensi nodded and smiled at the guys as they left.

"Sooo," Kensi said once the guys were gone, turning toward Nell. "I, uh, was wondering… do you have plans Saturday?"

"I'm free!" Nell confirmed right away. "What did you have in mind?"

Kensi let out a sigh of relief.

"Well… my mom and I are… going baby shopping, and, uh—"

"I'd love to join you!" Nell said with a smile. "Pick me up at nine?"

Kensi smiled, grateful that Nell had made it so easy for her. "Yeah," she agreed. "It's a plan."

* * *

><p>That Saturday morning, Kensi headed to Nell's house to pick her up and then her mother for their baby store day. Nell was waiting for her when she pulled up, so they were off right away.<p>

"So… you and Deeks were partners while I was gone, right?" Kensi asked, once they'd exchanged pleasantries, as she drove towards her mom's house. Nell just chuckled slightly.

"Only for one case," she replied. Kensi shot her a confused look. "He went through a lot of partners in a short time," Nell explained. "He and I worked together for that case right before Christmas last year, there was that witness he kinda partnered up with for a bit—Eshan?—and then he worked with Nate when he was in town…."

"I bet that was fun," Kensi said, imagining how Nate would've tried to delve into Deeks's feelings. "If I know Deeks, he spent that whole time deflecting."

"You know him pretty well," Nell nodded her agreement. "Honestly, Nate and I debriefed after that case, and he wasn't able to get anything out of Deeks."

Kensi nodded her head, not really surprised at that.

"He might seem like a blabber-mouth," Kensi said. "He whines like a baby over the small things, but it's really hard to know when something is really bothering him." She paused. "It's what makes him such a good undercover."

Nell nodded, and her eyes lit up suddenly.

"Speaking of undercover," Nell said, a wry gleam in her eyes, "you'll never guess who Deeks's _favorite_ temporary partner was."

Kensi glanced at Nell out of the corner of her eye, confused about the sarcasm evident in Nell's voice.

"What are you talking about?" Kensi wondered. She narrowed her eyes. "You guys didn't make him partner with someone who almost got him killed, did you?"

"No," Nell said, shaking her head. "Nothing like that."

"Then _what_?" Kensi demanded, loosing patience with not knowing.

"Talia Del Campo, DEA," Nell said. "She was a firecracker. Or, well, that's what Deeks said. She totally had a thing for him."

Kensi laughed in relief. Nell shot her a startled look that only made Kensi laugh harder.

"What?" Kensi asked when she finally got herself under control. "It's not like I could blame her. That might be a little hypocritical."

"But I thought—"

"—that I would be insanely jealous?" Kensi finished for her. Nell just nodded, and Kensi laughed again. "Even a few weeks ago, you would've been right. But now… well, I trust him. I mean, I've always trusted him," Kensi felt the need to qualify, "but it's different now. And the idea of a DEA Barbie hitting on him… well, I bet it was funny as hell."

Nell let out an uncharacteristic snort. "You could say that," she hedged. "But seriously, if she comes around again, I wouldn't hesitate about letting her know exactly where you stand with him. She was… persistent."

Kensi nodded, grateful that they were pulling up to her mother's house. Just like Nell, Julia was waiting.

"Wow," Kensi said as her mother got into the passenger's seat after Nell had slipped out and into the back seat. "You're both eager, huh?"

"I'm just excited to spend some time with you ladies!" Julia said.

"Oh, um, mom, this is Nell. Nell, this is my mother, Julia," Kensi said, awkwardly gesturing between them. "Nell and I work together."

"It's nice to meet you, Nell," Julia said. Kensi breathed a sigh of relief as Nell returned the sentiment. It wasn't that Kensi expected them to hate each other, it was just that things rarely seemed to be easy for her. And at the moment—with the exception of Deeks's forced absence—things were pretty darn good.

"So are you an agent as well?" Julia asked Nell as Kensi started the car toward the Babies R Us store she'd had her break down in earlier in the week.

"Not yet," Nell replied. "I do some field work, but for the time being I spend most of my time up in the operations center as an analyst."

Kensi smiled as she listened to her mother and Nell talk to each other. Part of her envied the way Nell was able to immediately connect with Julia, but the majority of her was grateful that they were getting along as well as they seemed to be.

_Some people just have the ability to connect with the people around them,_ she rationalized. _Like Deeks. _She felt her Deeks-smile slip onto her face as she thought of him. _I hope that our son is like him,_ she decided. _Outgoing and kind and generous. And I hope he has his smile. And his eyes. And—_

"She's off in Deeks-land," Nell said, snapping Kensi back to reality. She blushed and smiled sheepishly as she realized they were parked in the Babies R Us parking lot. "Care to share with the class, Kens?" Nell teased.

Kensi just shook her head and blushed a deeper red.

"I plead the fifth," she said, trying to insert her usual sassy flair she used with Deeks. It didn't come off as sassy as it normally did, but she was proud of her effort nonetheless. "Touché!"

Both Julia and Nell looked at her funny, and she burst out laughing.

"Sorry," she said, shaking her head. "Inside joke."

She got out of her car, and with her mom and Nell at her side, she felt much more confident walking into the store.

"Okay," Kensi said confidently as they entered. Immediately, she was overwhelmed as she looked again at all the aisles and aisles of baby supplies. She turned to her companions. "Ummm… what do we do?"

Julia and Nell both laughed.

"You don't really need anything urgently," Julia pointed out. "How about we just spend today looking. You don't have to buy anything—in fact I'm sure you'd much rather wait until Marty gets back to buy anything—but it'll be fun to look around and see what you like."

Kensi just nodded, and together, the three women wandered around the store. First, they stopped by a display of cribs. Both Julia and Nell pointed out a dark cherry crib, but Kensi just shook her head and walked over to a lighter crib. It was made of wood, but it was the color of sand.

"I love this," she said softly. "I can just… picture it. We can paint the walls blue and hang a surfboard on the wall. Maybe even get a little… uh, one of those spin-y thingies—whatever they're called—with sea shells and animals on it…"

"A mobile?" Nell supplied. Kensi smiled dreamily.

"Yeah," she agreed. That word just _sounded_ cool. "A mobile."

"I love it!" Julia declared. "And I can't help but think that Marty will, too."

Kensi nodded but made herself move on. She didn't want to buy anything for Andy without Deeks. She moved on to another aisle to see the contraptions the two mothers had been debating over on her first visit to the store.

"What are these things?" she asked, holding up the strange looking device. Her horror was clearly written across her face. Her mother laughed.

"That's a breast pump," Julia explained. "You use it to pump out milk to help supplement breast feeding." Kensi practically dropped the device, and Nell joined Julia in laughter. Kensi glared at them, but that only made them laugh harder.

"You two are mean," Kensi pouted, though she was trying hard not to laugh at herself. "I'm going to go look at something else."

She turned and headed toward the stuffed animals aisle, finally allowing herself to smile. Once she was there, she gravitated toward the lamb she'd picked up on her earlier visit. It was still sitting, seemingly in the place she'd set it down, as it was waiting for her. This time, when she picked it up, she wasn't startled at how soft it was. Instead, she noticed how it had soft blue, stitched-on eyes, and a blue silk ribbon tied around its neck. As she held it, she remembered one of the many joking conversations she and Deeks had had about their future children.

* * *

><p>***FLASHBACK***<p>

"_So, what do you think of the name Shepherd?" he asked one morning as they walked in to work._

"_For what?" she asked, confused. _

Is he thinking about getting another dog? _she wondered. _

"_What do you mean for what? For a kid," he said as if it were obvious. Kensi stumbled. _

"_Fine… if he's herding goats," Kensi replied, desperately trying to turn it into a joke. _

"_Ha!" Deeks said. "Though technically that would be a goat heard."_

"_That's not a bad name," Kensi said, trying to keep a straight face. "Goat heard Deeks."_

***END FLASHBACK***

* * *

><p>"That's a sweet lamb," Julia said, again bringing Kensi out of her memories. Kensi smiled over at her mom. "Let's go look at some clothes," she suggested. Kensi nodded and followed her mom, still clutching the lamb. "I thought you weren't going to buy anything today Kensi."<p>

Kensi just smiled at her as Nell came back.

"This is my exception," she said. "I want to have something for Deeks when he gets back, and he'll… understand this."

Julia looked confused, but Nell just nodded.

"I remember that day," she said with a smile. "It seems like I've always been interrupting your moments. And to think walking in on you two talking about what you were going to name your future children—before you were even dating—wasn't even the most scandalous!"

"Oh really?" Julia exclaimed as Kensi blushed. "I can't wait to hear this…"

Kensi started to protest, but she didn't put up much of a fight. She was actually enjoying this little trip down memory lane.

"Well," Nell said, shooting Julia a mischievous look, "we were running an op in a hotel, and Kensi and Deeks had to play the honeymooning couple."

"Hey!" Kensi cut in, blushing fiercely for the millionth time that day. "This is not a story for my—"

"We could all hear them flirting and play fighting over the coms," Nell continued as if she hadn't heard Kensi. "But it's not like that was anything new. So I walked in to their room, only to see them wrestling on the bed. Kensi had Deeks in a head lock… with her legs."

"He started it!" Kensi protested, turning an even deeper red. Nell and Julia laughed.

"That's exactly what you said at the time," Nell agreed.

"I bet there's never a shortage of entertainment when they work together," Julia said. Kensi smiled, and Nell nodded in agreement.

"You could say that again!" Nell agreed. Kensi just shook her head.

"I'm going to go buy this lamb," she said, heading towards the check out area.

"I'm hungry," Kensi said as the three women walked out of the Babies R Us store. "We should go get something to eat."

"I'm in," Nell seconded.

"Sure," Julia agreed. "What are you feeling, Kensi?"

"Mmmm…" Kensi said. "How about fish tacos?"

"You hate fish tacos!" Nell exclaimed. "You always complain about the smell when Deeks brings them to work."

"I know," Kensi affirmed. "I really do hate them. Baby Deeks, on the other hand, really likes them. He must be taking after his daddy already."

"I'll say!" Nell exclaimed. "Deeks likes to bring in… experiments for lunch sometimes," Nell explained to Julia. "Well, part of it is that he likes to, but most of it is to keep the guys from taking advantage of him as the lowest ranking member of the team."

Julia laughed. "I take it some of his experiments don't go over so well?"

"Nope!" Nell agreed.

"Hey!" Kensi protested in defense of her partner. "Yummy Yummy Heart Attack is good!"

Nell laughed and Julia looked horrified at the name.

"Yeah, you and Deeks are the only ones who'll eat that junk, Kens," Nell said. "But everyone liked his fish tacos. Except Kensi."

"Well," Kensi said as they pulled into the beach, "now they're my new favorite food, and I'm starved! I mean… I am eating for two here."

Nell and Julia smiled at her and shook their heads.

"Alright Kens," Nell said with a wry smile. "Let's go get your tacos."

Kensi smiled and followed her companions. As they walked along the beach to _the_ Fish Taco stand—the only one worth visiting, according to Deeks—Kensi slowed down. Today had been good. Sure, Deeks wasn't with her, but he would be back soon.

And she couldn't wait to surprise him with a walk on the beach and her new favorite food.


	14. The Frozen Lake

_**AN: Alas, the cliff hanger will be resolved… sorta! I hope you all catch all the little hints. (I may have left a few bread crumbs for future chapters.) Keep your eyes pealed! **_

_**Wow. I can't believe it's been a year since I started working on this story. Thank you to everyone who has been following it. 14 chapters and over 60,000 words in 12 months? Not too shabby, huh? It has been so great writing this year, and I hope for another great year of writing :) **_

_**Thanks to Fern, CoastalReader, and OhBuddy66, who have all been extremely helpful (on my journey or just lately). You guys all rock! **_

_**All that said, enjoy this chapter guys! And if it's not too much to ask—and since it is the anniversary of the story—leave a review on the way out! I'd love to read what you think. Also, ideas for the future are welcomed, always!**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Where we left off with Deeks... <em>**

_"Well hey there, son," Gordon John Brandel said, his familiar, haunting grin causing Deeks to shudder internally. "Long time no see."_

* * *

><p>Deeks reacted before he could even think about what he was doing. He struck out his fist, hitting his father square across the jaw.<p>

Gordon seemed prepared for this as—though he was knocked back slightly because of the raw power of Deeks's punch—he recovered quickly and was back up again.

"Don't need a gun anymore, huh?" Gordon taunted him. It was enough to snap Deeks out of his emotional outburst. He shifted back slightly and steadied himself.

Taking a small breath, he conjured up the hard, bitter smirk that he knew was expected of him.

"Let's see how well you take me now, old man," Deeks said, his voice devoid of all emotion. He shifted his weight backwards in a defensive stance. He knew his old man couldn't resist making a move

For a moment, Gordon's eyes widened comically. Deeks held back a laugh—a reaction he was going to blame on shock—and waited. It didn't take more than a few beats for Gordon's face to morph into the familiar, rage-reddened expression from Deeks's childhood nightmares.

Gordon swung at Deeks this time, the same way he'd done when he was a kid. The difference this time was that Deeks had faced down much scarier foes. He'd even trained with a Navy SEAL.

So Deeks detached from his immediate, emotional reaction and side-stepped Gordon's swing. He then reached out and, in a move that Sam the SEAL would've been proud of, twisted Gordon's arm behind his back.

Seconds later, he was standing over Gordon in triumph.

"It looks like you're the one who needs the gun now," Deeks said, feeling the roar of his heartbeat in his ears.

"Not quite the family reunion I was expecting, John," James said, effectively bringing Deeks fully back. "But entertaining as hell." He laughed and turned toward Deeks. "You alright, Marty?"

"—_**not kidding, Deeks! Answer me, dammit!" **_Kensi's voice came over his coms, and Deeks grasped reality.

"I'm fine, James," Deeks said, not to reassure the man but to answer his partner. "I just wasn't expecting to see _him_."

"Not such a happy childhood, huh Marty?" James taunted good-naturedly. "Still, shouldn't you be glad that your dad's not dead?"

He heard Kensi's gasp in his ear, but he tried to push that away.

"He's still dead to me," Deeks said firmly, his tone emotionless. With great effort, Deeks turned his back on Gordon and faced down Ortega. This was where the plan got tricky, and Deeks couldn't afford to be distracted. "When are his contacts arriving?"

Gordon laughed behind him, but Deeks held himself steady, forcing himself not to react.

"They're already here, _boy_," Gordon said, his tone condescending. "I'm in charge of the operations in LA. I don't usually come myself, but when James here mentioned my boy was here… well what can I say?" He turned and looked directly at Ortega. "I wanted to see what the worthless brat made of himself."

With a strength he hadn't even suspected he possessed, Deeks again held himself still and refrained from reacting.

"_**You got this, Deeks," **_Kensi's voice comforted him. She, too, sounded eerily calm. _**"Sam, Callen, and the SWAT team are right outside. Get clear and give the word." **_

He nodded slightly, clearing his throat so she'd know he heard her and had his head in the game. He wasn't sure if that was true or not, but at that moment, he knew he needed to reassure her. There was still slight chaos among Ortega's men at this startling revelation, and it was quickly getting on Deeks's nerves.

"Enough," Deeks said aloud, his voice loud and sharp. All eyes in the abandoned warehouse turned toward him. Deeks took a purposeful step forward and out of the line of direct fire from the three main doorways. "Let's get on with business." He turned toward Gordon. "If you are in charge, and you don't mind getting your hands _dirty_, then where do you want the shipment?"

"Don't be like that, son," Gordon said, stepping forward toward him. "That's no way to treat your father."

"You're not my father," Deeks spat at him, taking an involuntary step backwards.

Gordon just laughed and threw up his hands. "Well, then, we'll send them over to my… compound, of a sort…" He rattled off the address and Deeks bit back a triumphant grin.

"_**It's legit,"**_ Eric said when he'd checked it out.

_Gotcha! _

It was a short-lived victory.

"We'll send that delivery out, _John_," Deeks said the agreed upon signal phrase, spitting out Gordon's pseudonym. He heard the team move into position and initiate the countdown.

"Your mother will sure be glad to see you, boy," Gordon said. Immediately, ice flowed through Deeks's veins.

"What do you—"

The door was busted in with a bang.

"Police!" "NCIS!" "LAPD!" "Drop your weapons!" "On your knees!"

Suddenly, absolute chaos erupted all around him. Ortega's goons raised guns and fired, SWAT fired back, and Deeks—who was armed with only sidearm Ortega had given him weeks ago—leaped out of the way. He ducked behind a stack of crates and pulled his weapon out. Due to the hot nature of this exchange, he knew he needed to pretend to return fire on the authorities. If at all possible, the team needed him to make it out of this with his cover intact.

"James!" Deeks called out. "You good?"

"Good!" Ortega called back from behind another stack of crates not twenty feet from Deeks. Deeks nodded grimly and held back a smile. Ortega had just given his location, and Deeks could already see Sam moving away from the group and advancing on James. For just one moment, Deeks took his eyes off of James in order to search out his father.

He glanced around frantically, but he couldn't find Gordon anywhere. There was no way he was going to let that bastard get away—especially not when he was planning to start a family—so he ducked around the warehouse, avoiding bullets as he went. It wasn't easy, and if the feds had actually been aiming for him, he probably wouldn't have managed it.

Moments later, Deeks saw Gordon. He was slinking away behind a stack of crates near the back exit. A back exit that Deeks hadn't previously known existed—so it obviously wasn't on the blueprints. Which meant that the Eric—and therefore the team—didn't know about it, and it wouldn't be covered. And all of that equaled one thing.

Gordon would get away.

"Damn it," Deeks muttered under his breath. He jogged to the crates he'd seen Gordon slip behind, and as soon as Deeks rounded the corner, he saw Gordon headed for the hidden back door exit.

"Gordon!" Deeks called, pointing his gun directly at the back of his father's head. The older man immediately stopped. He shook his head, but he was smiling when he turned around.

"Now there's a name I haven't heard in quite a few years," he said as he cracked an easy smile. He pursed his lips in a mock frown when he saw the gun. "Really son?" he demanded. "We're back to this? I thought we'd gotten past this."

"_**Where are you, Deeks?" **_Sam's voice demanded in his ear.

"You really thought you could just slip out the back exit?" Deeks demanded in answer to Sam's question. "Without the rest of us?"

"_**Stall, Deeks,"**_ Sam said tersely in Deeks's ear. _**"I'm headed your way." **_

"What can I say?" Gordon asked sarcastically, shrugging with his hands still in the air. "I know when to cut my losses."

"Apparently," Deeks said bitterly. "But you see, it's not gonna work that way this time. Because if I go down, you're coming down with me."

"Or you could hit the road with me," Gordon said. Deeks paused, holding back his cold-hearted grin. There was no way in Heaven or Hell he would agree to it.

"I'm listening," Deeks said, holding the gun steady. "Talk."

"We go now," Gordon said. "I already sent a distress code to my compound—it's been compromised by the feds now. We'll lay low for a month or two, and then we'll surface at the rendezvous point."

"Rendezvous?" Deeks repeated, intentionally adding a taunting, laid-back lilt to his voice. "Big word for a man with an eighth grade education."

It all happened seemingly in slow motion, but in reality it was only seconds. Gordon turned suddenly at a motion behind Deeks and fired. Unfortunately for Deeks, Gordon's aim hadn't gotten any better over time.

He reacted a second too late, and he felt a burning sensation as he hit the concrete floor and grunted in pain. By the time he rolled over, jumped to his feet, and pulled his weapon, all firing had ceased, Gordon was down with a gunshot wound to the right shoulder, and James's remaining men were surrendering. Callen came up and hauled Gordon to his feet, ignoring his protests of police brutality and slapping cuffs roughly on his wrists.

Sam walked over toward Deeks—ready to do the same to him—but as Deeks looked up at his ally, his vision started to blur.

"Toss your weapon out now!" Sam demanded, leveling his gun at him. Deeks obeyed with only a slight grimace. "Hands above your head!" Sam barked at him.

Deeks started to raise his arms when the pain became too much. He stumbled and swayed, but his legs just wouldn't hold him. He tried to take a step forward, but he collapsed to the ground.

"Marty!" James's voice came from near the door and behind Sam as a SWAT officer was lugging him out the door. Deeks's vision cleared enough for him to see Sam's eyes widen in horror. James's voice had faded and everyone was out of the warehouse, so Sam rushed to Deeks's side.

"_**What's happening?" **_Kensi demanded in his ear. He tried to reassure her that he was fine, but the only sound he made was a pained groan. _**"Deeks? Deeks, answer me! Sam? Callen?"**_

"G, get a damn ambulance here," Sam called over his shoulder. "Hey, hey. Stay with me, Deeks," Sam's voice ordered him.

Deeks nodded, but the darkness was becoming harder and harder to resist.

"Fern?" he finally managed to force out, feeling beads of sweat pop up on his forehead and a chill run down his spine. Neither were good signs.

"_**I'm here Deeks," **_she said, her voice tainted with her tears. _**"You're gonna be okay, do you hear me?" **_

He couldn't force anymore words past his lips, so he just nodded his head slowly. He was vaguely aware of Sam informing Kensi of this, but Kensi was soon speaking again.

"_**Hang on Deeks," **_she said, her voice trembling and strong at the same time—a perfect contradiction that was perfectly Kensi. _**"We will meet you at the hospital. You're gonna be okay. You have to be, do you hear me? I love you, and—"**_

Her voice faded away as the darkness got stronger and stronger. He felt his vision give way to images of her beautiful face—her mismatched eyes and her real Kensi smile and the beautiful, mischievous, loving expressions that always seemed to be dancing around in them—and he smiled. Then he saw her holding a little boy with his mother's curls and his daddy's blue eyes, and Deeks felt a peace. He had to fight, because that was a sight he desperately wanted to live to see.

Despite his greatest effort, his eyes slid shut, and he finally let the darkness claim him.

* * *

><p><em>All around him, the world was white. Not like bright-light, heavenly, he-should-be-worried-he's-dying white, but white like snow. And ice. And cold. And—he looked down at his feet—frozen lakes.<em>

_He tried to remember what had sent him here, but he couldn't pull it up in his mind. All he could remember was that he had a pressing reason to get back. What that reason was, however, he couldn't remember. _

Frozen lakes…_ he thought to himself. Something about that was familiar. Something about that reminded him of…somewhere he was supposed to be. Something he was supposed to do. Someone he was supposed to know. _

_Suddenly he heard a shriek from behind him, and he whipped around. His sudden motion caused the ice to crack, and he immediately stilled and held in his breath. _

"_Again mommy!" a young boy cried. He had shaggy, sandy blonde hair that was curling out from under his winter hat. _

"_Okay Andy," a very familiar voice agreed with a laugh. The woman looked up at him, and Deeks felt the air leave his lungs. He _knew_ those mismatched eyes. He'd know them anywhere. "We just have to wait for daddy." _

_The little boy turned, and Deeks was startled at the ocean blue eyes that met his own gaze. _

"_Daddy!" the little boy—Andy—called with a grin. "Daddy, hurry up!" _

_Deeks glanced around and behind himself, but he was the only one on the ice. Andy was talking to… him. _

_All at once, it started coming back to Deeks. _

Kensi. Andy.

_He remembered. There was nothing more than the names at first, and the memory was fuzzy, but it was there. Immediately, he ran forward, but the break in the ice became larger with a loud crack. Deeks skidded to a halt, still a ways away from reaching Kensi and Andy. _

"_Do not run. Walk slowly. Take your time and look around. She will wait for you." _

_The words washed over him from a long-ago, oft-thought-of memory. It triggered a tidal wave of memories. _

_Meeting a spunky girl named Tracey, learning that Tracey was really Special Agent Kensi Blye—badass extraordinaire—who annoyed the hell out of him. And then getting to know her… tolerate her…. Pulling her out of a room full of lasers and going undercover as Justin and Melissa and the banter and the flirting and the rare moments of vulnerability… they were all a part of the love story that was Kensi and Deeks. Deeks and Kensi. _

I've got to get through,_ Deeks told himself. _Okay. I can do this. Step by step. Slowly.

_Looking up, the world around him was still just as white as it had been before, but he shut that all out. He focused solely on the splash of color that was waiting for him on the other side of the ice. _

_He took one step toward Kensi and Andy, avoiding the crack in the ice. The frozen lake groaned, but the crack didn't expand. _

"_Don't do anything stupid, Deeks," Kensi's voice said. _

_Deeks couldn't help but smirk at that. _

Of course not, Princess, _he thought with an internal smirk. _

_He took another step, smiling as he remembered her beautiful mismatched eyes flashing in challenge. _

"I need you to come back to me in one piece."

_Deeks's head snapped up. Those words were different. They sounded different. He couldn't piece it together in his mind, but he just knew they were real. How that could be, he didn't know, but he clung onto it—to her words—like the life line they were. _

_Getting across the ice was the key. He just knew it. So he took a step, and then he took another. And another. Each slow, small step brought him slightly closer to his goal, and with each step, a new memory came to the forefront of his mind. _

_With one step, he remembered random Saturdays on the beach, surfing and enjoying the sun. With another step, he remembered the first time he'd brought food to her door. Yet another step brought forth the time they'd come to a compromise: he would take things more seriously and she would lighten up. _

"Do you even know how much you mean to me, Deeks?"

_Deeks stopped his slow progress across the ice at her voice. It was the same way it had been earlier—it sounded real. He smiled and took another three steps on the ice, these ones a little more enthusiastic than the last few. Suddenly, the ice began to rock beneath him. He looked down at his feet, horrified to see water leaking onto his shoes. _

"I love you, you idiot."

_He smiled. _

Love you, too, Princess,_ he thought to himself. _Love you, too.

_He looked back down at the ice, more determined than ever to get across it safely and reach his family. His family. He had a family. _

I'm _so_ close,_ he reminded himself. _I have to make it. I _have_ to.

_He wasn't more than ten feet from Kensi and Any now—they were within his grasp—but the ice had broken apart. There were now large chunks of ice floating atop freezing cold water. One false move and he was gone. _

_Deeks took a deep breath and stepped forward, this time keeping his eyes trained on his goal. Kensi and Andy. It became an internal chant. _

Kensi. _Careful step. _Andy. _Another careful step. _Kensi. _And another. _Andy_. Yet another. _Kensi_. Step. _Andy_. Step. _Kensi_. Step. _Andy_. Step. _Kens—

_He made it! He'd actually made it!_

"_Deeks?" Kensi breathed. _

"_Daddy!" Andy shrieked. _

_Deeks smiled and made to pull them both into his arms, but suddenly, they were gone. He didn't have time to process it before he was gone too. Instead of white, everything was a dark orange color. A steady beeping sound replaced the sound of the wind. _

Am I…?

* * *

><p><em>Dammit, that hurts,<em> was Deeks's first conscious thought. He held back a groan as he forced his eyes open. He blinked a few times and allowed his eyes to adjust to the light.

The first thing he saw was an ugly, popcorn plastered ceiling. It took some effort, but he turned his head to the side, and that's when he saw her. She was curled up in a chair—at least the boys or someone had had the brains to bring her a recliner—by the side of his bed. Her hand was loosely clasped around his, and she was fast asleep.

He smiled and stroked her hand gently. But she was a trained Federal Agent, and it was enough to wake her.

"Deeks!" she exclaimed. "You're—you're awake! Oh my god, I was so worried! The doctors… they said you'd be okay, but you weren't awake, and you were all still, and—"

"I love you, Fern," Deeks said, his voice gravely and quiet from his ordeal. It was enough to stop her rambling in its tracks and place a slight smile on her lips.

"I love you, too, Shaggy," she replied. Deeks couldn't help but smile at that. "I need to call a nurse," she said, reaching for the call button. Deeks shook his head, and touched her hand, stopping her. She looked over at him, a question clearly in her eyes.

"I _love you_, Fern," he said again, attempting to tell her everything he was trying to communicate with his eyes. They'd always talked better with their eyes. "And I want you to make good on your comments from earlier." She cocked her head to the side in confusion, and he smiled at how adorable it made her look.

"Deeks—"

"Will you marry me?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading guys! And you know... it's been a full year! Crazy! Leave a review on your way out, huh?<strong>_

**_Blessings,_**

**_bookdiva_**


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